Thursday: Spiritually Single
A young woman named Natalie had been married for seven years when, at the invitation of a friend, she attended an evangelistic series at a local Seventh-day Adventist church. Convicted by what she learned, she surrendered her heart to Christ, had a new-birth experience, and—despite the strenuous objections of her husband, parents, in-laws, even her next-door neighbor—Natalie joined the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
Image © Kevin Carden Goodsalt.com
She also adjusted her lifestyle, to every degree possible, to her newfound faith.
As one could imagine, she faced a great deal of pushback; what made it especially hard was her husband, who argued, and correctly so: “This is not what I signed up for when we got married. You are a whole new person, and I want the old one back”.
For years now, she has been struggling to live a life of faith. Though married, she is what we could call “spiritually single”.
What encouraging words do we find in the following verses for those who may feel spiritually single? Isa. 54:5; Hos. 2:19-20; Ps. 72:12.
All over the world, there are “Natalies” in our church. These people, men or women, are married but attend church alone or only with their children. They may have married a person of a different faith. Or perhaps when they joined the church, their spouse did not. Or when married, both were members of the church, but one, for whatever reason, dropped out, stopped coming, and might even be hostile to the faith. These men and woman come alone to church and to the meal after the worship service, or go alone to the outreach or social activities of the church. They are saddened when they cannot contribute financially to the church’s ministry as much as they would like because their spouse does not agree to do so. Though married, they might feel spiritually like a widow or a widower.
We probably all, at some time or another, have met people like this in the church, and they do need our love and support.
| What practical things can we, as a church family, do to help the spiritually single in our midst? |
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My grandmother became a Seventh-day Adventist fairly early in her marriage and while quite a few of my grandfather’s family became Seventh-day Adventists, he didn’t. He was a member of the Masonic Lodge and that probably explains some of his reluctance to become an Adventist. I grew up close by and generally saw my grandparents about twice a week. Grannie would always come to church with us, while Grandad remained at home, gardening and doing carpentry. Grannie was a quiet little woman, and nothing seemed to phase her. She just lived a quiet consistent Christian life never preaching or arguing about religion. One day my grandfather met one of his employees from many years before (Grandad was a builder) and they went off to a café for a cup of tea together (they were both from Yorkshire) and to reminisce about the old days. In the course of the conversation, the employee happened to mention that he now attended church and found a deep satisfaction in his spiritual life. Grandad responded that he too would like to have that experience. He came home and commenced Bible studies immediately and was baptized at 80 years of age (in cold winter water) a short time later. I can remember the joy that it brought to Grannie. She and Grandad used to hold hands after that.
I can only imagine the spiritual loneliness that Grannie must have felt all those years. And if there is one lesson that she has taught me, it is that quiet, persistent, Christian living is often more effective than quoting scripture and proving that you are right. She never let her spiritual loneliness define her. I have great respect for this quiet little woman and feel privileged to have known her and be influenced by her.
I will slip in this little personal experience as well, even though it is not a spiritual story. Grannie was a good old-fashioned Yorkshire cook and we always used to look forward to her Yorkshire teacakes and lemon curd tarts when we visited on Sabbath afternoons. Many years later, I visited Yorkshire and was walking down one of the crooked streets of York, when I passed a bakery. The smell of the cooking from the bakery was the same as Grannies kitchen and all the memories came flooding back. I think the shopkeeper was a bit surprised when we walked in and I bought some lemon curd tarts and Yorkshire teacakes with emotional tears streaming down my face. You could probably say I had a little bit of a foretaste of heaven!
Thank you for sharing. Brought tears to my eyes.
God wants us to stand. He wants us whole, stable - spiritually and emotionally. He wants us to love Him the way He loves us. That’s why He says love me with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength because that’s how I love you. He loves and His focus is undivided. He is mindful of us. His thoughts are fixed upon us - and He asks the same in return...
He Loves us all; Single or married. No recipe for his love
He first loved us.
Does your Sabbath school class hardly ever get passed Monday or Tuesday's lesson?
When I look at a weekly SS lesson, I come to Sabbath school and talk with one of the SS teachers and ask him..."What is the most relevant/important topic of the lesson days?
My opinion from being in Sabbath school since 1950's is this lesson...is the most interesting & relevant.
Street talk would refer to "Natalies" as Adventist widows or widowers.
They are not only spiritually alone, they can be emotionally & relationally alone. Think of Elijah who said to God..."Am I the only one...?
God said He had 7000, yet how many of the 7000 did Elijah associate with?
Notice how lonely Paul was when he arrived at Rome.
Sabbatarians compose just 1% of Christianity.
Ever think about the result of giving a Steps to Christ or Great Controversy to another Christian who then embraces the 3 angels messages and the result is marital discord with their "Christian" spouse? Does anyone, up front, advise/warn of the results of following Jesus instead of following bible corrupting, anti-nomian preachers?
I think most here have experienced or know of the "push back" aimed at 7th Day Adventists.
Praise the Lord for this group and their contributions to the lessons.
I have found the style of this quarters study guides completely different, it raises issues and asks questions but doesn't provide answers.
This is suitable for group study but not so much for individual study or am I missing something?
Hi, Shirley. I think the verses cited are pretty much comforting (Isa. 54:5; Hos. 2:19-20; Ps. 72:12). But I agree that the way the subject is dealt with leaves us open for discussions. To deal with feelings like loneliness or abandon is something we all should work on. Even regarding the faith. Thank God that He never leaves us alone! We can always count on Him! A friend for all occasions! When we think He is quiet His answer has already been working on us! Thank God for His patience with us. And for His constant love for us! We are the ones to fail Him, not the opposite.
When I was at high school, the maths books had the answers in the back. The answers were useful but I soon learned that it was much more important to understand the process of getting to the answer than just getting the answer. Later when I was at university a lot of the textbooks did not have the answers in the back. Typically, if you had a problem to solve, you had to work out a way to prove that your answer is right. And that, in the long run, is the way that the real world works. If I am building a house, or writing a piece of software, the only way to be sure that the answer it right is to prove it is right by some other process. One of the changes that have occurred in my lifetime of tertiary education has been the increasing emphasis on group work, where collaboration and discussion and criticism (the constructive type) are important.
Our spiritual life is a journey and we are not always going to have nice neat answers to our questions. It is really important that we do share our ideas with one another because that is one way of developing them. It is also an opportunity to encourage one another.
I am concerned that these lessons are taking a 'we' and 'us' helping ... 'them'.. direction. What can 'we' do to help 'those' people. May I suggest that all or a great majority of church members are 'those' people. One person may be a member of several church support groups. They may be one of several categories of people. For example, a spiritually single person also experiencing divorce. Or an unmarried person preparing for death.
I agree Priscilla. I thought that when Monday's lesson asked how we help Single people. Struck me as funny as I spend my time helping families.
"This is suitable for group study but not so much for individual study or am I missing something?"
Yes..since you wrote "or"
and..Yes & no to your question.
These lessons like all lessons are limited by space to what can be presented. The limiting factor is presenting answers to "Who, what , where" questions instead of "How & why " questions.
This is one of the reasons why I posted that Thursday's lesson is the most relevant.
2 points are important...further study and analysis of topic.(Think inductive method of teaching)
The word "loneliness" is in the EG White writings database 175 times
Some Sabbath school members are so conditioned to a usual approach to the SS lesson in class that when they hear some analysis related to behavioral science, they will condemn it as "psychobabel"....until they hear bible verses supporting the analysis.
Spiritual loneliness can be related to the basic needs of people... affection, acceptance, appreciation & achievement. Also conventional/crowd mentality can easily be factored into this issue.
I will post just 2 single verses to give a clue as to why there is so much spiritual loneliness.
"Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be." Rom 8:7
"Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." Matt 7:14
A W Tozer suggested that quote:
Most of the Worlds GREAT SOULS have been lonely. Loneliness seems to be one price the saint must pay for his saintliness.
Enoch, Noah, Abraham and Moses all walked a path quite apart from their contemporaries even though many people surrounded them.
The prophets of pre-Christian times differed widely from each other, but one mark they bore in common was their enforced loneliness.
Jesus died alone in the darkness hidden from the sight of mortal man and no one saw Him when He arose triumphant and walked out of the tomb, even though many saw Him afterward and bore witness to what they saw.
I agree with Tozer. Even though it is difficult, being alone can sometimes be a necessary part of our Christian walk. One poster said earlier that Sabbatarians comprise just 1% of the Christian population. As a church, we are alone. And unfortunately, our sense of "loneliness" in the past has been costly as we sought company with the world, and attempted to appear more acceptable or more "orthodox" in our teachings and lifestyle.
As individuals, this becomes a great danger for many as they face the very real ostracism as other "Natalies" of our church face as they walk the narrow road alone. But in fact, those who walk alone are in great company. Men of great faith and courage have walked the road before them. And the paths they trod, and the lives they lived bear testimony to the power of God in their lives.
I like Brendan's positive view of aloneness. It really gives a boost to learn the positive side of being alone. It also reminds me that Jesus was mostly occompanied by crowds but he also deliberately sought moments of privacy where he was alone with his father.
Conflicts in christian families tend also to create spiritually single persons. I happened to know a family where one partner was unwilling to participate in family worship because of misunderstanding. This partner would even worship with children in a closed room to block her spouse from participating.I also learned that one lady was absconding Sabbath worship whenever her husband was a preacher.This situation leaves both sides in a terrible shape. I think as a church we seriously need to integrate conflict resolution education in pre-marriage counseling and also to assist people to understand that we should take our burdens to Jesus all the time for sustainance of family.
"Researchers from Brigham Young University analyzed nearly 35 years of data on how loneliness, social isolation and living alone can impact your lifespan. What they discovered was deeply unsettling.
“The effect of this is comparable to obesity, something public health takes very seriously,” says BYU researcher Julianne Holt-Lundstad, lead author of the study. “We need to start taking our social relationships more seriously.”
The data, which was based on roughly 3 million participants, found that the subjective feeling of loneliness increases risk of death by 26%. This is particularly worrisome given that loneliness plagues nearly 60 million Americans.
But what if you live alone? What if you enjoy spending time by yourself?
While being alone and feeling alone are not the same thing, the effect on longevity, however, is similar. Social isolation and living alone were found to be even more harmful to a person’s health than feelings of loneliness, increasing mortality risk by 29% and 32% respectively. This is on par with the risk mortality associated with obesity.
Yet as staggering as these findings are, they aren’t exactly new. Earlier research has found that isolation and loneliness threaten longevity as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic."
As a spiritual single, I take comfort in this topic being raised. While Jesus is my very special Friend there are many times when my heart weeps because I am unable to share my walk with Jesus with my husband and yet so many couples in the church can. There have been many times when the feeling of being the odd one out has been overwhelming but Jesus reminds us to cast our cares upon Him for He cares for us. Praise God for His leading and comfort.
I live alone and enjoy being alone. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I'm more lonely at church with 1000 people than I am when I'm alone at home. I don't blame others for this, they're all busy with their own lives. I understand that, I really do. It's not simple at all - you can't force meaningful relationships. I take comfort knowing I won't be lonely in heaven.
Waow! I'm taking notes from all the comments here. In our local church, we decided to take the lessons for this quarter a step further.
Considering all the issues many families are experiencing, we are using materials from the lessons as building blocks for family ministries discussions/workshops all through this quarter. We hope it will help families to heal in several ways.
I had not thougt of this that there are spiritual single. And sualy there are many who are real single and many spiritual and even orphans who are chased just because of their faith. God help's us to think big of this.