Season of Parenting - Sabbath School Lesson 8, 2nd Qtr 2019

Memory Text: “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3, NKJV).

Births are such a common, normal occurrence that often we don’t always fully appreciate the wonder that they are. Imagine what Eve must have felt holding baby Cain in her arms. The changes she experienced in her growing body during those months, the excruciating pain of childbirth, and then seeing this small child, so much like them, yet so defenseless. What an experience it must have been for Sarah, in her 90s and way past childbearing age, to contemplate upon the face of her own son, Isaac; she must have laughed every time she pronounced his name. After praying for a son for who knows how long, Hannah held Samuel and said, “For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him” (1 Sam. 1:27, NKJV). The wonder in Mary’s heart, still a young girl, cuddling her son, God’s Son, with a combination of amazement and fear.

At the same time, not everyone has the privilege, and responsibility, that comes with parenting. This week we will spend time exploring the season of parenting with its challenges, fears, satisfaction, and joy.

Childless Parenting

Children are a blessing. But for some reason God doesn’t always bless everyone with children. Some hope and pray for a family, and God graciously grants their request, sometimes quite miraculously, as in the case of Sarah; others just as fervent in their petitions before God’s throne are met by deafening silence. Every time they see friends praise God for their pregnancies and when they welcome their babies, it deepens the depth of the wound as they consider their empty nest. Even such innocent questions as “How many children do you have?” serve as painful reminders of an exclusive club that those without children are excluded from, even though they may want to join.

Those who have gone through such an experience should come to accept that God understands their sorrow. The psalmist declares of God, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book” (Ps. 56:8, NLT). Even though He seems silent, “the LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him” (Ps. 103:13, NLT).

Other people, meanwhile, for various reasons, might choose simply not to have children. One can understand in a world like ours so full of suffering, pain, evil, and potential calamity, why some might decide not to bring more people into it. In some cases, some people might choose to adopt children instead of having their own; that way they can raise children who are already here, often giving them a chance at a much better life than what they might have otherwise had.

Our world is a complicated place, and we are likely to meet all sorts of people in all sorts of situations in regard to having or not having children. In whatever situation we find ourselves regarding the question of children, we can live with the assurance of God’s love for us and His desire for our good end. At the same time, too, let’s always remember to be as sensitive as we can toward people who, for whatever reasons, do not have kids.

Jesus never had any natural children of His own. What lessons, if any, are there for us in this fact?

Single Parenting

One phenomenon the world faces is that of single parents, often but not always a woman as the single parent.

Sometimes we think of single parents as those who have conceived a child out of wedlock. However, that is not always the case. Hagar was pressured into having a child with Abraham, and then was forced to leave with her child (Gen. 16:3, 4; 21:17). Bathsheba became pregnant as a result of the sexual advance of a powerful man (2 Sam. 11:4, 5). Elijah was sent to a village called Zarephath to help a single mother who was a widow (1 Kings 17:9). By the time Jesus began His ministry, Joseph, His adoptive father, had died, leaving Mary a widow and a single parent. “Death had separated her from Joseph, who had shared her knowledge of the mystery of the birth of Jesus. Now there was no one to whom she could confide her hopes and fears. The past two months had been very sorrowful”. – Ellen G. White, The Desire of Ages, p. 145.

Being a single parent is perhaps one of the most challenging jobs a person can have. Many face difficulties, such as managing their finances, dealing with the other parent, or simply having time just for themselves or to spend time with God, and wondering whether they will ever be loved again.

We as a church have the responsibility to help single parents. James wrote, “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble” (James 1:27, NKJV). One could add, in principle, “and single parents in their trouble, too”. The help we can offer does not have to just be financial. We could allow them to have some respite by taking their children for a little while so they can do other chores, rest, pray, and study God’s Word. We can serve as mentors to their children or help repair things around the house. We can be God’s hands in numerous ways to help support single parents.

Without passing judgment as to how they came to their situation, what specific things can you do to encourage and help single parents?

The Joy and Responsibility of Parenting

Read Psalm 127. What is the basic message of this short psalm? What important principles should we take away from it for ourselves and how we live?

When you wish to cook your favorite dish, you follow a recipe. If you add all the needed ingredients and follow all the steps, the majority of the time you get the desired results. Parenting, though, is not like cooking. No child is exactly like any other child, and even if you do everything just as you have done with other children, they can turn out different. This may have to do with their gender, the order in which they were born, their temperaments, or a host of other reasons. In God’s plan, parents would lead and teach their children to love and obey Him (Deut. 6:4-9, Ps. 78:5-7). The directive from God to parents is to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6, NKJV), not to hover over children to make sure they never make any wrong decisions.

While we want to see our children go from cuddly, defenseless, little people to independent, successful adults, our ultimate responsibility is that they come to know, love, and serve Jesus Christ. As parents, we can follow the plan for the spiritual development of our children outlined in Deuteronomy 6. There are four important prerequisites: That we recognize “the LORD our God” (Deut. 6:4), that we love Him fully from the heart (Deut. 6:5), that we treasure His Word (Deut. 6:6), and that we share with our children what we know about Him (Deut. 6:20-23).

Parenting as Disciple-Making

Parents have a responsibility to be the disciplemakers of their children, so they will become disciples of Jesus themselves. There are parents who believe that the way to teach and correct their children is by applying physical punishment—the more, the better (Prov. 22:15, 23:13, 29:15). Passages like these have been misused to abuse children and force them into total submission, but often that has also led to rebellion against their parents and God.

Sadly, the Bible reveals stories of parenting gone wrong. Isaac and Rebekah played favorites with their sons, Esau and Jacob (Gen. 25:28), and later Jacob displayed the same attitude toward Joseph (Gen. 37:3). Eli, even though he was a religious leader, failed to correct his children (1 Sam. 3:10-14). Samuel, who was also raised by Eli, turned out to be a very deficient father himself (1 Sam. 8:1-6). King David, by committing adultery and ordering a murder, taught his children who followed his example. King Manasseh sacrificed his children to demons (2 Kings 21:1- 9), as did King Ahaz (2 Kings 16:2-4).

Fortunately, however, we also find in the Scriptures some examples of good parenting. Mordecai was a wonderful adoptive father to Hadassah, Queen Esther (Esther 2:7), and Job prayed for his children regularly (Job 1:4, 5). In all of these examples, good and bad, we can glean lessons on parenting.

What can we learn from the examples of parenting that we see in the Bible? In what ways can we use some of these principles in our interactions with those who are not our children?

Fighting for Your Prodigal Child

Read Proverbs 22:6. What is your understanding of this passage? Is this a guarantee, a promise, or a probability?

Sometimes as a parent you do everything you should—spend time teaching your children the right things, live according to your knowledge of God, send them to good schools, attend church regularly, become involved in mission work with them—and they end up leaving the faith in which you raised them. The amount of pain is excruciating, and there is not a moment of rest from your concern for their salvation. The cause is not necessarily the parent’s fault. Children have minds of their own and are ultimately responsible to God for their actions.

Some have taken the words “when he is old he will not depart from it” as a promise, a guarantee that proper parenting will always result in their child’s salvation. But Proverbs often gives us principles and not always unconditional promises. What we can take out of this text is the assurance that the lessons learned in childhood will last a lifetime. Every child reaches an age when they either accept the heritage of their parents as their own or reject it. Those parents who were careful to provide their children with godly training have the assurance that what they taught their children will always be with them, and if or when their children walk away, the seeds they planted in their hearts will continuously be in them calling them home. Being a good parent is our choice; how our children turn out is theirs.

What should a parent do when a child goes astray? Turn your children over to God in earnest prayer. If anybody understands your pain, it is God, whose children, by the billions, have turned their backs on Him, the perfect parent. You can support your prodigals with love and prayer and be ready to stand alongside them as they wrestle with God.

Don’t be too embarrassed to ask for support and prayer, don’t blame yourself, and don’t be so focused on the prodigal that you forget the rest of the family. Parenting a prodigal can divide your household; so, build a unified front with your spouse and set clear boundaries for your child. Remember that God loves your child more than you do, look to a brighter future, and accept that your child is God’s work in progress.

It’s only natural in such a situation to blame yourself. And even if you have made mistakes, why is it better to focus on the future and on the promises of God? See Phil. 3:13.

“Parents, you should commence your first lesson of discipline when your children are babes in your arms. Teach them to yield their will to yours. This can be done by bearing an even hand, and manifesting firmness. Parents should have perfect control over their own spirits, and with mildness and yet firmness bend the will of the child until it shall expect nothing else but to yield to their wishes. Parents do not commence in season. The first manifestation of temper is not subdued, and the children grow stubborn, which increases with their growth and strengthens with their strength”. – Ellen G. White, Testimonies for the Church, vol. 1, p. 218.

Discussion Questions:

Inside Story~ China

Why I Quit My Job

By Bo, as told to Andrew McChesney

A remarkable experience prompted me to quit my 17-year job as a worker at a thread-making factory and devote myself to full-time gospel work in China.

When I was 39, my son wanted to go to a trade school to become a lathe worker. But the tuition for the three-year course cost 10,000 yuan, money that we didn’t have.

My Seventh-day Adventist mother suggested that we pray about it. We prayed, but I didn’t expect a miracle.

When my sister heard about the problem, she contacted a friend who worked at the trade school and asked whether my son could apply for a scholarship. The friend, the school accountant, said scholarships were only available for low-income families and we didn’t qualify. But at her suggestion, my son went ahead and enrolled at the school.

Meanwhile, my mother, four sisters, and I pooled our money. When we went to school to pay, we were greeted by the accountant. She told my son to write a scholarship request letter on the spot, and she took it to the principal’s office.

When the principal looked at the letter, he asked, “By how much should I help this student?”

“You have the power to do whatever you like”, the accountant replied.

The principal wrote “500” on the letter.

When the accountant returned with the letter, I was so excited. I didn’t know what the “500” meant, but even a 500-yuan discount would be a big help.

We took the letter to the cashier’s office.

“Would you like to pay for one year or all three years?” the cashier asked.

“All three years”, I said.

The cashier did some calculations and announced, “Your grand total is 2,700 yuan”.

We were in shock! We didn’t know what happened or how she came up with that figure. Even today, we don’t know what happened.

Until that day, my faith in God had been shallow. But after that experience, I realized that God cares for us, and I decided to serve God with all my heart. I have few talents, but I decided that I could help clean the church or visit people.

Today, I am 54 years old and oversee five churches. I feel very unworthy to be called a gospel worker. But I believe that God is leading, and He will help me to do the gospel work.

Part of the third quarter 2018 Thirteenth Sabbath Offering sent to open a holistic inner-city church plant in China. The author’s name has been changed.

Produced by the General Conference Office of Adventist Mission. email: info@adventistmission.org website: www.adventistmission.org

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