Sunday: God’s Plan for Marriage
Daily Lesson for Sunday 18th of August 2024
Read Mark 10:1-12, as well as Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24. What trap was hiding under the Pharisees’ question about divorce, and what lessons did Jesus teach in His response?
In this passage, the Pharisees ask Jesus if it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Among the Pharisees, divorce was considered lawful. The question was on what grounds. The School of Shammai was arguably more restrictive—only for childlessness, material neglect, emotional neglect, or marital unfaithfulness. The School of Hillel was much more lenient, allowing divorce for almost any reason, though their process of granting the divorce was more complex, helping to slow things down.
Image © Lifeway Collection at Goodsalt.com
So, it may seem a bit odd that they ask Jesus the blanket question if divorce is acceptable at all. Hiding under this question was a plot to get Jesus in trouble with Herod Antipas, the ruler of the region to the east of the Jordan, where Jesus was now. Antipas had divorced his wife and married Herodias, his brother’s wife. Herod had beheaded John the Baptist because of his rebuke regarding this illicit relationship (see Matthew 14:1-12).
Jesus parries their question with His own, asking the Pharisees what Moses commanded on the matter. The passage the Pharisees reference in reply is Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which describes a particular case of remarriage after divorce. The Israelites in Moses’ day were already practicing divorce. The case law described in Deuteronomy 24:1-22 was meant to provide protections for the woman. But in Jesus’ day, this was twisted by the School of Hillel to make it easier to get a divorce for almost any reason. Thus, the law that was meant to protect the woman was being used to make it easy to thrust her aside.
Instead of debating the case law in Deuteronomy 24:1-22, Jesus refers back to God’s original ideal for marriage in Genesis 1:1-31 and 2:1-25. He notes that in the beginning God made a man and a woman (Genesis 1:27), two individuals. He then combines this truth with Genesis 2:24, which says that a man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh. This concept of unity becomes the basis of Jesus’ affirmation of the marriage bond. What God has joined, people should not separate.
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What can your congregation do to strengthen the marriages among you? How do you help those whose marriages have already fallen apart? |
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Here come the Pharisees setting a trap for Jesus, but because He is in close relationship with the Father, Jesus is able to see through their ruse and turns the table on them. They probably were hoping to set Him up and get Him to speak against Herod, hoping for a similar outcome as befell John. Let Herod do their dirty work. Jesus could have called them out saying, "I know what you're up to!". Instead he refers them back to the origin of divorce and the reason for it. Moses allowed for it because of the hardness of their hearts. Talk about a subtle rebuke to their thinking. That seemed to let the air out of their sails, or pop their balloon.
I believe that marriage was given for many reasons in the beginning, not the least of which was a symbol of the type of relationship that God desires with His people. He has promised to never leave us (divorce) or forsake us. Neither does He desire us to leave Him or even our spouse. It's a tragedy when it happens for whatever reason.
Among the few things mentioned in Scripture of God hating is divorce. God hates divorce because He knows the damage it causes to all affected by it. As an adult child of divorce I can tell you first-hand the damage it inflicts on all parties involved, especially the children. While God indeed hates divorce, He is very much in love with its victims and desires to heal them of the pain and devastation of it.
It's been said that marriage won't exist in heaven, that it's an earthly institution. Perhaps that's true. Jesus did say we will be like the angels in that regard. I jokingly ask my wife that if we aren't going to be married in heaven, would she be my neighbor?
I say let's just get there (heaven) and we will be happy, regardless of what is or isn't there. What do you say?
According to the gospel of Mark; Mark,reaching back to Peter; Peter, reaching back to Christ: Marriage, binding husband and wife together as being one flesh, unseparable in itself, is destined to endure forever on this earth.(Mark 10:11-12) Every case of divorce and remarriage is connected with individual problems. There can be no advice applicable to all cases of divorce and remarriage.
However, the center of the gospel is reconciliation as solution of every case. But this contains the question of application. It is one thing to advice reconciliation and another thing to be carried out in those individual cases.
(2 Corinthians 5:18)
However, even after reconciliation is carried out, there remain wounds and tripes and scares to disappear at the coming of Christ in glory, climaxing in a new creation without sin and its consequences.
There may be cases of brutality, sexual force and slavery where a continuation of that marriage is hardly possible without the danger of risking life. Separation, yes, but according to Christ in the gospel of Mark, marriage is undissolvable. In separation without dissolved marriage the door is still open for possible reconciliation.
It is to be remembered that Sabbat and Marriage, originating in creation is the target of temptation from the enemy to destroy marriage and church all together. It also is the battle field where the followers of Christ are confronted with the followers of the old serpent. Each individual should know his position, to stand on one side or the other.
I think, there could be written millions of books on that question, without coming up to an absolute conclusion. At the new creation climaxing with the second coming of Christ, we do not need all these books and comments any more, for sin will be no more. Today we should stay away from ravens trying to enter into our thoughts that will become devastating actions in marriage. (Matthew 5: 27-28)
Winfried Stolpmann
Good morning brothers and sisters,
I am in agreement with your post. According to the Bible divorce is a no, no and so is remarriage unless one party dies.
I need to ask a question then. Why is it that we have so many persons in our churches divorcing and remarrying? Isn’t this going against the word of God? A mean separation yes but why some many divorces happening and people look and feel comfortable about this that is not of God.
Mind you I am not condemning anyone. I am just a confused person on this matter.
May we all listen to voice of our soon coming King and do what He asked of us.
Blessings and may we all be found faithful on that great day.
Hello my view on this is, in regards to your question, the reason is because of What Jesus stated "the hardness of one's heart (to satisfy their own selfishness or ego) Divorce is only recognized after the marriage vows (adultery) has been committed because it's then that she or he has broken that token of love! "Thou shall Not commit adultery" is one part of the commandments God has written". You shouldn't divorce on accounts of looks or just because...etc Divorce was meant in account of sexual sin outside the marriage between a man and a Woman! Whomever marries a 2nd time while the former husband or wife is still alive except for the case of sexual sin commits adultery! Also he or she is free to marry in two cases 1. There is sexual sin committed outside the marriage and 2. Also it's wife or husband dies!
Agree with your point -- divorce is everywhere in this world because of the "hardness of heart" and the innate selfishness in people's hearts.
I'm in no position to say who or what in any of these cases, but I do know, if BOTH parties put self aside and seek for the happiness and good of the other, and look to God as their Savior and Guide -- divorce would all but cease.
The scriptures likens marriage to Christ's relationship with us. What concepts about marriage can we learn from this likeness?
We often go through counseling before marriage and that's the end. There should be post-marriage counselings organised through the Home and Family life department to help strengthen marriage bonds. We should have professional counselors who can help couples through trying times when affected by practical issues that could threaten marriage ties. We can also organize a couples club in the church, where we meet to pray, for with God we can make our marriages a little heaven on earth.
I agree wholeheartedly. This is an area in which our church fails miserably.
Nowadays, people tend to follow their perception rather than God's Commands. Thus, the Hillel is everywhere. What matters is "what I believe," not what God says! In this busy world, it has been more and more challenging to practice simple living.
"What God has joined, people should not separate."
You are so right! What God has joined together, no one should interfere! Which is why God should come first in every aspect of our lives! No matter how small! Every marriage pronounced by man is not honored by God, mostly the marriage is because of hastiness or lust without prayerfully going to God before the marital commitment! Divorce is not nor has ever been designed by God! A Godly marriage never ends in divorce!
Agreed .
But the question, how can we sure that God, is the one who bless the union of both parties? I asked this, because, maybe the officiating minister, priest, pastor or what ever they call it, is not really matter to officiate a such union. In other words they are not really from God. That's why the marriage fails , along the way. And that's why they end in separation/vidorce , which is Satan's works.
But those who keep their marriage, was officiated by true servant of God. Am not judging those officiated marriage then failed, but maybe this is one barometer.
And the question is--- how can we sure that marriage was joined by the Lord, God?
Sometimes marriages officiaied by true servants of God fails because the devil has intensified his attacks on marriage 1peter5:8
I agree. Do not let anyone separate a husband and wife. Satan tries to separate marriages as a way to attack God's design for marriage. If you are married, pray for God to strengthen your marriage.
The young people in my church are not getting married in the numbers that obtained in the past. Why is this??
Hello Wayne! I believe that the reasons many young people today aren't getting married are many, varied, and complicaed. For some they may have been traumatized by growing up in a divorce or bad marriage (fighting, infidelity, abusive) situation. This is what caused me to wait until I was 27 to marry. I didn't trust that marriage could work.
For others it could be selfishness. They want the benefits of marriage (companionship, sex, etc.) without the commitment of exclusivity. They want to be free to leave any time the going gets tough. Others are too easily distracted by the next "shiny new object". All that is founded on selfishness.
No one should get married until and unless they are converted and committed to Christ as a first step. Then, I believe they should have extensive premarital counseling so that they know what to expect and how to navigate the differences in each other and the pitfalls of marriage.
Marriage was God's idea from the beginning so it's going to take His help to make it work. "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12) Even then both parties involved have to be committed to making it work "until death do we part".
Billy Graham's wife, Ruth Ann, was said to have been asked if she ever considered divorce. She reportedly light heartedly and with a chuckle said, "Divorce? No. Murder? Yes. Til death do we part!" Indeed a healthy sense of humor can also help to smooth out the bumps in the road that will come along.
Pray for the young people today to have the courage and devotion to do things God's ways. They are still the best ways.
It's been said that marriage was not designed for our happiness, but for our holiness, and when we are holy, we will be happy.
And there are many single people who would love to be married if they could just find someone who would marry them. And single people do not need to be asked why they are still single. There are some painful stories that are simply not any of our business. And yes, I have seen single people in the church get asked why they have not married, as if the person asking deserved an explanation. It is simply nobody's business.
Let's remember too, in Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7 Jesus and Paul both endorse staying single. It is not a crime to be single, nor a situation where an explanation to either family members, much less church members, is warranted.
For certain, Pastor Earnhardt. Society and sometimes even the Church has pressured individuals that in order to be complete you need to be with someone. Remember that old song, "One", popularized by Three Dog Night? The opening lyric is, "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do!". I believe that a person has to learn contentment in solitude before they will fully appreciate contentment in company. Last time I checked, 1, was still a whole number. It is far better to be happily single, than miserably married.
How do you reconcile ecclesiastes4:8which espouses companionship and Paul who espouses singleness 1 Cor7:8
Joseph, very easily. You just said it yourself. Ecclesiastes 4 is about companionship. It is not about marriage. It is not even about romance. When Jonathan died, David felt the loss of his companionship with Johnathan as being more painful than the death of a woman or wife. . He said my love for you, surpasses the love of women. 2 Samuel1:26. Obviously, David was not talking about a romantic love when he said that! He was talking about brotherly love. Not all love is sex and not all companionship is marriage. Ecclesiastes 4 Is just like you said, it is about companionship, not marriage. Even though I know a lot of people like to take it out of context and make it all about marriage. When we take things like this out of context, we make our lives very unbalanced. We place too much pressure on marriage to make us whole, while devaluing our other relationships.
In the Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentaries this is the comment on Ecelssiastes 4:8 "The picture is of a solitary person, alone and without either friends of close associates. He has neither kith [friends or acquintances] or kin [relatives], nor heir to succeed him or to carry forward his labors."
This is what the Seventh-day Adventist Bible commanteries have to say on Eclessiasted 4:9. " Two workmen engaged in cooperative effort can often earn more than double the wages of a single person."
Marriage simply is not in the context of Eccelsiastes 4 no matter how much some people want it to be there.
Yes!
Each person is a complete creation in God's eyes. You are not saved by marriage. The church does put a lot of pressure on people to get married for "happiness." You can be happy on your own, and sometimes better off.
I certainly wish our church had better teachings on divorce for cases of abuse. So many women have been both physically and emotionally abused, but don't leave because there is no "fornication," and they fear being kicked out of church.
Pastor Bill, if you will. Ya know, I genuinely cherish your responses. May I add that Paul said, "If you need to, get married." Now I do believe that he also meant, "if you are impressed to, by all means get married." Yes we are admonished in these last days that it may not be a good thing to get married. Now for Paul he was inclined to stay single.
Hebrews 13:4.
1John 1:9.
1John 2:1-2.
Yes John, we are all fully aware that the Bible endorses marriage. I was just sharing what Jesus and Paul also said to keep a healthy balance. Let’s not make it unbalanced again. 😊
Is there a condition under which our relationship with God is best dissolved? Whether by God due to our unfaithfulness, or by us because of hurt due to loss of a loved one (and blaming it on God), or by Him due to our abuse of His love? I think not !!!
I believe separation (for healing or timeout) is preached throughout the Bible (from Eden), and should be encouraged over the immature (or convenient) rush to divorce, even in the midst of great pain.
Good morning.
Agree with you sister Mel.
May God help us.
Stay blessed.
Yes indeed Mel, we need to encourage people, and have a plan to help people who are going through tough times, rather than preach to them things they already know.
In Mark 10:1-12, the Pharisees ask Jesus whether it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife, intending to trap Him in a difficult legal and moral debate. The trap lies in the controversial nature of divorce within Jewish law, where different schools of thought existed. If Jesus sided with one view, He could alienate those who held the other, or even risk contradicting the Mosaic law, thereby undermining His authority.
Jesus’ Response:
Refocusing on God’s Original Design:
Jesus responds by directing the Pharisees to the original purpose of marriage, citing Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24. He emphasizes that God created male and female and intended for them to become "one flesh" in a lifelong union. By doing so, Jesus highlights that marriage is a divine institution, not merely a human contract to be dissolved at will.
The Hardness of Heart:
Jesus explains that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of human hearts, but this was not God’s original plan. By stating this, He teaches that the law was a concession to human weakness, not an endorsement of divorce as ideal or righteous.
The Sanctity of Marriage:
Jesus concludes by stating that what God has joined together, no one should separate, underscoring the sanctity and permanence of marriage. He also warns against remarriage after divorce, equating it to committing adultery.
Lessons Jesus Taught:
Marriage is Sacred and Permanent: Jesus reaffirms the sanctity of marriage as part of God’s original creation, meant to be a lifelong commitment.
Divorce Reflects Human Hardness: While divorce was allowed due to human stubbornness and sin, it was never God’s intent. The ideal is for marriages to be strong and enduring.
Return to God’s Design: Jesus calls His followers to live according to the higher standard of God’s original design for marriage, rather than merely following legalistic interpretations of the law
What was the motive behind this question?
The Pharisees' question about whether divorce is acceptable was a trap intended to get Jesus in trouble with Herod Antipas, who had controversially divorced his wife and married Herodias, his brother’s wife. This move had previously led to John the Baptist's execution after he publicly condemned the relationship.
Why would the Pharisees hope that Jesus’ stance on divorce might provoke Herod Antipas, and what does this reveal about their intentions?
The Pharisees likely hoped that Jesus' stance on divorce would provoke Herod Antipas because of Herod's controversial marriage to Herodias, his brother's wife, after divorcing his own wife. This marriage had already caused John the Baptist to be imprisoned and eventually executed for publicly condemning it. By asking Jesus about divorce, the Pharisees were likely attempting to incite a similar reaction from Herod, potentially leading to Jesus’ arrest or even execution. This reveals that their intentions were not genuinely seeking truth or understanding but rather aimed at using political manipulation to eliminate Jesus as a threat to their authority and influence.
How does the context of Herod Antipas' actions and John the Baptist's fate add depth to the Pharisees' question to Jesus?
The context of Herod Antipas' actions and John the Baptist's fate adds significant depth to the Pharisees' question because it connects the issue of divorce with political danger. John the Baptist had boldly confronted Herod's unlawful marriage, leading to his martyrdom. The Pharisees' question to Jesus is thus loaded with potential consequences, as any critique of Herod’s actions could be seen as a challenge to his authority, similar to what John the Baptist did. This context shows that the question was not just about theological or legal debate but was laced with the possibility of serious repercussions for Jesus, making it a particularly cunning and dangerous trap.
What does this situation teach us about the risks and consequences of standing up for moral principles, as seen in the example of John the Baptist?
This situation teaches us that standing up for moral principles, as John the Baptist did, can come with significant risks, including social, political, and even physical danger. John’s courage in speaking out against Herod's immoral actions ultimately cost him his life, demonstrating the potential high cost of upholding truth and integrity in the face of powerful opposition. It also shows the importance of being prepared for the consequences when taking a stand on moral issues, especially when such issues intersect with political power and authority. John the Baptist’s example reminds us of the need for courage, conviction, and a willingness to suffer for righteousness, even when the cost is great.
I wonder if this is the same David Smith who wrote the book on Corinthians? He has very good insight.
Any update on Maurice Ashton? He contributes so much to this study, and I love his perspective. I hope that all is progressing as planned.
I'm quite sure that Maurice will post an update when he can. In the meantime, let's just pray for a quick recovery.
Yes, amen! Thank God he took the advice of his doctors. Our fellowship has already prayed for his recovery last Sabbath. We will pray for his personal extent of the cancer, that it may be good. Amen!
When asked about divorce, Jesus responds by asking the Pharisees what Moses commanded. They cite Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which originally provided protections for women in cases of remarriage after divorce. However, by Jesus' time, the School of Hillel had twisted this law to make divorce easier for men, undermining the law's original intent to protect women.
The original intent of the law in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was to provide protections for women in the case of divorce and remarriage. It was a law meant to ensure that a woman who had been divorced and remarried could not be treated as disposable property, protecting her dignity and legal status. However, by Jesus’ time, the School of Hillel had misinterpreted and misapplied this law, using it to justify easy divorce for almost any reason. This misuse of the law turned a protective measure into a tool for oppression, making it easier for men to divorce women, thus undermining the law's original protective purpose. This shows the importance of interpreting Scripture carefully and faithfully, ensuring that its original intent and principles are upheld rather than distorted to serve selfish or unjust purposes.
Thank u have learnt a lot about why divorce is not good ....
Divorce is something I never agreed upon. When my husband and I got married 1970, we promised each other
(1) we would Never go to bed angry at each other, because in the scripture, Ephesians 4:26 "Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil". In saying this, one never knows if you will wake the next morning, and you will not have the opportunity to ask forgiveness something you may have said or done in the heat of the moment.
(2) Whatever happens between the two of us it was not available for the public to make their comments on. Our marriage relationship was between God the Father, my husband and myself. Even our children didn't know when we had a disagreement (only when I wanted a new pair of shoes).
My husband died in the in the year 2010, we had forty years of blissful marriage. I have a lot of great memories of him. I look at the way some of the young ladies come dressed to church, and it is disgusting. They are advertising everything to every male, before they even get married. My husband and I were blessed with five boys, and We would instruct them to be very careful in the women you pick for a wife, because that is going to be your life-time companion. (talk it out, work it out) because God frowns on divorce if it is not according to his laws.
I do agree with one of the other writer who stated that we should have more professional Christian marriage counseling in our church, and the older people in the church should be setting examples for the younger people. Our young people are looking at the world, and people are too afraid to speak up letting them know that the path they are taking is wrong. God is coming soon, and if we see a brother or sister or a couple going in the wrong path, I believe God is going to hold us responsible, if they are lost. Now yes, we can advise them, but if they choose not to take heed, then that is their lose.
***May we all continue to have a spiritual bless, and sage week in the Lord***
The sad thing about the Pharisees is that they knew the law concerning marriage and divorce but their hearts were so harden against Jesus (jealousy) that they themselves knew Herod was wrong in his choices to divorce his wife and remarried his brother's wife (Herodias). The Pharisees were just self serving cowards. Moral laws usually affects the spiritual laws so as in the days pass and even so now we need to be very careful of our choices and always seek God's wisdom.
Wonder the significance of "What God has joined together..."
Teaching the Disciples! Yes on this Sunday lesson, Jesus taught His disciples by touching their eyes twice. Mark 8:23
As Jesus explained the foundation of marriage from the scripture, the disciples who were following the discussion between the Lord and the Pharisee began to appreciate the biblical basis of marriage. However, there still existed a cloud of confusion before them. They still saw things darkly through the glass. 1 Cor 13:12. They only knew as much as the Pharisee knew —that as long as one has penned down the divorce bill, they have justified it all. And yet the Lord has just declared it wrong. “Moses allowed it for their hearts were hard.”
Well, the disciples were humble enough to ask him on the same question. They wanted their spiritual vision made super clear on this. They wanted their spiritual eyes to be touched twice by the Lord. And indeed Jesus touched their eyes twice. Mark 10: 10-12. He showed them that he was talking about one of the holy commandments of God —Commandment number 7. “Do not commit adultery.” This was the eureka moment for the disciples. They fully understood why divorce was surely such a bad thing. It is lawlessness. It is sin.
The lesson writer states: “What God has joined, people should not separate.” I have a few questions. Can every marriage be considered to be a union based on God’s standards for marriage? How would God bless the union for unbelievers, those who conduct their lives according to their own reasoning authority as they are not guided by the Holy Spirit but live according to the ways of this world?
At the marriage ceremony, if a man and woman make the conscious decision to ask God to be the highest authority in their union, this would leave no room to change their mind after the fact. Under these circumstances, a husband and wife ought to be faithful to their marriage vows which they promised each other in the presence of God – “until death do us part.”
Is there an exception? What is this ‘uncleanness’ mentioned in Deut.24:1, providing guidance in marriage? Is this 'uncleanness' also present in our time? It speaks of the wife being 'unclean' and for her husband to be able to separate himself from her for this reason. Does it relate to the woman's disregard for God’s statutes of cleanliness, or is it a ‘spiritual uncleanness’ which disregards God’s Will and Way?
A spouse conducting her/himself in worldly ways, following their own ways, does not live in the kingdom of God. I consider those marrying without accepting God’s spiritual authority to guide their marriage are not bound by His standards for marriage. For them, dealing with marrital issues, anything the world offers for reconciliation, whatever this may be, could be used as a resource to keep the marriage ‘together’. If nothing works, a divorce would be the reasonable recourse for them to go on with their lives.
Does God work in mysterious ways – Yes! Can a marriage started without God become blessed by Him later on - Yes! Is God able to heal a marriage if both partners are willing to walk in His Way – Yes! I see both types of union made with the assurance to each other to stay committed and fulfill their promise given to each other.
Those marrying with God as their witness, asking Him to accept and bless their union, do so by faith. God honors His promise to always guide them on their way through life. The couple's responsibility is to remain faithful, expressing their love for each other – in good times or in bad, in sickness and in health.
I'm not sure I understand your thinking, but if you're thinking of a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever, Paul has some counsel in 1 Cor. 7:10-16.
How do you understand that?
Marriage is a union that only God can guide because it has a lot of challenges.May God bless us in our families and keep us under His watch always.Amen.
As I read the above comments, I have to wonder how many who respond with such absoluteness have been in a loveless marriage. A marriage that began with the best of intentions but discovered afterwards that the spouse was not what was presented before hand. Verbal abuse, withholding of sexual intimacy, demeaning, belittling behaviors. These are not listed as Biblical reasons for divorce. Would Jesus really want someone to spend their adult life living with that.This is not my personal life but what I have witnessed in many family members. And, yes, they were married to Adventists.
Has God abandoned marriage to the devices of human being's whims? Does God still value marriage as when He first instituted it? No, God has not abandoned marriage, He still values marriage as much as when He first instituted it. The Bible consistently reaffirms the sanctity of marriage, showing that God continues to hold it in high regard and expects it to be honoured according to His original design.
The Bible explicitly expresses marriage as a spiritual matter with profound spiritual significance. In the first instance, marriage was instituted by God (Genesis 2:24) as a spiritual union. The phrase “one flesh” is a deep, spiritual bond that exceeds mere legal or social arrangement. Jesus reaffirmed God’s view of marriage (Matthew 19:4-6). Jesus directly referenced God’s original design for marriage and emphasized that it is a union created and blessed by God.
God still wants the sanctity of marriage to be maintained. Whether in marriage or not, marriage as an institution created by God should be viewed with favour. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). God still holds marriage in high approve and expects it to be honoured and preserved in purity.
The Bible describes the marriage relationship as a mystery as that one of Christ and the Church. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31-32). It is worth to reflect how marriage relationship is likened to Christ and the church. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
The Bible expressly states that marriage, the sabbath and tithes are holy. Unfortunately, they are more and more held in disregard these days. The reason is that Satan opposes spiritual matters particularly those which are aligned to God’s will (Matthew 13:19). My prayer is that, may we do the will of God in marriage or outside marriage.
I like Jon Paulien's comment on divorce found in one of his blogs several weeks ago. "There are certain circumstances where divorce is necessary." I do believe there are certain circumstances where remarriage is with a Devine blessing. God makes a bad situation into a working blessing, if we love him and do His good will. You know, my favorite promise and instruction is found in :
Philippians 2:13
Hebrews 6:13-15.
Are there certain circumstances where divorce is nesessary? Jesus in the Gospel of Mark says, No. (Mark 10:8.11-12) Matthew has an additional word of Jesus with only one exception: In case of fornication -- porneia (Matthew 19:9). This designates illegimate sexual practice outside of marriage. (1 Corinthians 5:11) Another exception for divorce is not known from the teachings of Jesus. To the woman caught in adultery Jesus said, neither do I condemn thee, go, and sin no more. (John 8:11) She was expected to have her life to be restored into a new beginning.
Now, if I add to this one exception of Jesus a list of further exceptions, how will I uphold our protestant position: Sola Sciptura? Scripture Only? What is happening by adding more and more to this one exception, Jesus has given in the Gospel of Matthew?
I think, we are mixing up present culture with Scripture -- to be compared with the history of Israel. The creational Ideal of monogamy very quickly gave way to polygamy, ending up in the babylonien captivity. The apostle Paul had to admonish the church to differentiate and chose between Christ and Beliar and not to combine both. (1 Corinthians 6:14-18)
If we are adding further exceptions for divorce and remarriage, I also think, we open the door to easy divorces and remarriages, inviting the temptator to lead us up to live according to our own chosing.
As with the church so with broken marriages: both are in need of constant revival and reformation preventing divorce and remarrige.
Winfried Stolpmann
Well, I will say that Paul adds an exception in I Corinthians 7 and that is abandonment by an unbeliever. So I wonder if Jesus meant His statement to be absolute in terms of reasons for divorce. Otherwise, Paul is contradicting Jesus.
Also, Exodus 21:10, 11 mentions that a man was required to provide his wife with certain essentials otherwise the woman was to go free. That suggests to me that abuse would be grounds for divorce.
When I look at Jesus dialogue with the pharisees, He talks about humans not separating what God has joined. He was against men frivolously divorcing their wives. But perhaps in the case of abuse, the marriage has already been broken in God's eyes. I have trouble believing that God has more tolerance for abuse than adultery. Don't they both break the marriage? For that reason, I think it is Biblical to divorce for abuse.
What is Paul saying in 1 Chrinthians 7? Does Paul contradict Jesus or does Jesus contradict Paul? Paul says: "To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband, but if she does let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband - and that the husband shound not divorce his wife. (1 Chorinthians 7:10-11). In these lines Jesus is speaking through the apostle Paul. In his biographical notes Paul is informing us that his gospel came from a revelation of Jesus Christ. (Galstians 1:11) A contradiction is ruled out. It is also to be noted that the very center of all these discussions is and remains reconciliation. This is the center of the gospel. I cannot see a contrdiction between Paul and Jesus.
The actual reason, as to why the wife would leave her husband, is not told us directly, but there is a hint in the same chapter: "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote. It is well for a man not to touch a women. But because of the temptation to immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)
The reason a wife would leave her husband is mentioned to be immorality. This corresponds with the one exception Jesus is mentioning in Matthew 19:9. Except for "porneia". What it means is from the word very clear in german or in english.
In 1 Chorinthians 7:13 Paul is saying that the marriage between a believer and an unbelieving wife or the other way round, presents no reason for divorce.
All these discussion without the center of the gospel, reconciliation are, as I see it, quite lifeless, to be changed by a fresh look at reconciliation.
The verse I was referring to is I Corinthians 7:15. Paul doesn't absolutely say that remarriage is allowed if an unbelieving spouse leaves, but the fact that he says the believer is not "bound" suggests that.
Sorry, I did not know what text you were refering to. 1 Corinthians 7:15 gives the unbelieving husband the right to divorce his wife, which includes that he no longer will support her. She now is dependend on the sister- and brotherhood of the church for support.
1 Corinthians 7:13 gives advice to a woman who is married to an unbelieving husband. If he is willing to dwell with her, she is not do leave him. This suggests that a mixed marriage like this ist not a basis for divorce.
Multiplying reasons for divorce goes beyond scripture tending to justify what scripture does not justify. The answer to such lists is reconsiliation and not self-justification. It all stands or falls in relationship to reconciliation. I am refering to our present discussion in general.
Winfried Stolpmann
A second look at 1 Corinthians 7:15 shows that the unbelieving husband who divorces his christian wife is destroying his marriage. His christian wife becomes a victim of evildoing. At this point the church should have open arms of mercy for abundant victims of broken marriages. The church is a working field of mercy.
Looking at the church rules regarding marriage and other items in the early church, it becomes obvious that neither Christ nor Paul issue rules for those outside the church. For example Paul wrote to the church at Corinth that they should have nothing to (among other things) with fornicators. (1 Corinthians 5:9) Being misunderstood, Paul argues, in that case they would have to leave the world. (1 Corinthians 5:9-10) Paul meant to have said, that he was talking of church members who did not mind to have such within the church calling even fornicators brothers and sisters. Church unity, having been destroyed by admitting open immorality, cannot be upheld or restored by mixing all together.
Coming up to his conclusion, Paul says: "For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. Drive out the wicked from among you." (1 Corinthians 5:12-13)
Coming back to 1 Corinthians 7:15, the unbelieving husband does not stand under church rule as he does not belong to the church. Therefore he is free to divorce his christian wife. If the same husband had been a church member divorcing his christian wife for reasons other than Christ had ruled in Matthew 19:9, he would have been guilty of breaking down his marriage following his own rules and thinking, setting aside the rule of Christ in order to follow ouside culture of the world.
Again, all this is echoed from Paul and the Gospels, not to condemn the church or church members who have fallen into sin, but to call for revival, reformation and reconsiliation coming out of a mere discussion about rules.
Winfried Stolpmann
First of all, I am not justifying anything, as I have never been married. However, I've experienced and/or observed/heard about situations that were not healthy and where I feel a divorce would have been the lesser of two evils. I've seen the effects of these marriages lasting and they really show the "sins of the fathers" going down from generation to generation. It's these experiences that have brought me to a place where I believe that divorce is justified also if there is abuse or addiction.
Reconciliation takes both parties. I don't think anyone should divorce quickly - perhaps a time of separation is better. But at some point one person can only do so much and situations of abuse and addiction are very destructive. I don't believe God values marriage over the health of a person or their children.
Beyond that, people are quite generous about what they consider adultery. They have broadened it to include emotional affairs and even flirting or pornography use. Now all those things are bad, but they aren't adultery. But people have used them to justify divorce and remarriage. If we can broaden the definition of adultery, I can't see why we can't be understanding of a marriage ending for other serious situations.
I believe God is a defender of the vulnerable and He is against those who abuse them in any way. So I may not have a "thus saith the Lord" on this, but I believe my views are in harmony with the whole of the Bible.
I was indisposed on Sunday and unable to comment but I want to add a couple of things to this topic.
The law on divorce as it stood in Jesus time was such that a man could divorce a woman because she displeased him. A woman did not have the same recourse. Jesus levelled the playing field.
Secondly in the following discussion about divorce and remarriage some translations word it that it it wrong to divorce in order to marry someone else.That was the big issue with Herod who had divorced his wife to marry his brother’s wife. I am sure that all of us would agree that divorce in the case of abuse is something that is quite different and is sometimes essential.
Some of you have remarked that the Church seems to have departed from Jesus’ commands on divorce and remarriage. While I accept that this is so, we must also understand that God has not appointed us as private detectives to spy what is going on in people’s bedrooms. Sometimes we have an unhealthy attitude to seeking out sin in other people’s lives.
We often concentrate on the condemnation to the neglect of compassion and understanding. Divorces are messy and people are hurt in the process. Compassionate understanding pastoral care has the potential to help wounds to heal.
Jesus applied compassion towards sinners who were hurting, not condemnation.
I agree with you, Maurice. I believe that divorce is wrong unless there are Biblical grounds, though for me they probably would be the 3 As (adultery, abuse, and addiction). I wouldn't necessarily immediately divorce for those reasons, but those three things are incredibly destructive and not just to the spouse but also to the children. I am okay with ending a marriage for those reasons if nothing has been able to resolve the issues.
However, I guess I've sort of come to the place that I want to leave divorce to the people involved and not police them. If they are wrong, God will deal with them. We just really don't know what's going on in a marriage and there may be some really crazy stuff going on behind closed doors.
I've heard some conservatives in the US wanting to eliminate no-fault divorce and as much as I think a lot of divorces are wrong, I would hate to see that happen. Those situations always seem to favor the man as it takes a lot of resources to prove that there are grounds for divorce and in a family where the man is the bread winner, the woman would have great difficulty getting out. And that's basically the situation that existed in Jesus time. For all the issues we have, I prefer a situation where women have agency.
Divorce in the case of the "the 3 As (adultery, abuse, and addiction)" makes a lot of sense, due to the reasons you cite. Judging by His teaching on other subjects, I tend to think that Jesus agrees.
Jesus made clear that divorce as a result of adultery is justified and presumably leaves the innocent spouse free to remarry.
The case is not quite as clear for abuse and addiction. However, knowing of some serious cases of abuse, I am pretty sure that reconciliation is not an option. It is very seldom that a serious abuser reforms, even though some regularly "repent" and promise not to do it again. Women sometimes hang on to such marriage for a very long time until they are so beaten down that they hardly have the strength to leave the abusive relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes pastors advise wives that it is their duty to stay with the abusive husband! (While I don't have an exact quotation, I do know that Ellen White counseled separation in such instances.)
In cases I have personally witnessed, it seemed to take 5 - 7 years for an abused spouse (male or female) to re-discover their own individuality and strength. By that time, the abuser had married another victim, and the issue of "adultery" had resolved itself.
I understand separation in the case of addiction. But I believe there is hope of a cure. Perhaps the non-addicted spouse should legally separate to allow a cure to happen but not plan on re-marrying?
Judging what goes on in someone else's marriage or divorce is definitely not our business! I know of one case, where the husband in a divorce was shunned by the church because he did not have "biblical reasons" for divorce. But in fact, his wife had cheated on him, but he loved her enough not to broadcast it to the church. He subsequently re-married, since he knew that, by biblical standards, he was free to do so, but the couple still had to endure the silent condemnation of some church members.
In another case I know well, the husband started an affair with another church member and talked to that member on the phone while holding his wife in a choke hold. The wife had had an affair, before her conversion, but her husband "forgave" her, except he didn't. He continually reminded her that she had committed adultery and was dirt. He used it as an excuse for abusing her. She was very conscious of her sin and was, at the time I knew her, seeking to nurture her relationship with the Lord. I spent some time studying with her and was moved by her simple faith and absolute trust in Jesus. I cannot imagine myself in her shoes, going to the same church as her ex-husband and his new wife ... But she did attend, and she didn't talk. Her ex doubtless justified his divorce on the basis of her adultery years earlier. (I don't think that's what Jesus meant!)
I just share these incidents to illustrate that we do not know what goes on inside a marriage, and the very best thing we can do is love the people who are hurting from a broken marriage. Being really listened to is experienced as love. No need to offer "solutions."
I am in total agreement. We need to be guided by the biblical injunction not to be judge and jury because we do not know the whole story ie the entire truth of a matter. Matthew 7:1-5 warns us that those who judge are more guilty than those they are judging, if not least because of their unchristlike attitude, which is abhorrent to GOD.
I’m of the opinion that the question is not so much that of separation and divorce but rather that of remarriage.
I think, we should never ever, in no case, rule out grace beforehand. Reconciliation may bring fruit or not, since we are endowed with free will. Having studied once the question of divorce and remarriage in the early history of our SDA church, I read a very serious case combined with the advice of Ellen G. White. We do not know how the case endet, but even this evil case has the possibility of renewal and reconciliation. Otherwise we would set boundaries to the grace of God. No one should rule out grace, having come down from heaven in Christ Jesus, for the very reason to guide even the greatest sinner to renewal, reconciliation and repentance.
The Case: A believing wife of a believing brother revealed a satanic spirit endangering the spiritual life of her husband. EGW advises the husband to bring his wife to her mother who had made her to what she now had become. There is no possibility for the husband to dwell with his wife. Even if separated the marriage as such remains. (Letter 34, 1890)
It becomes obvious that EGW is accepting Matthew 19:9 as the only basis for divorce upholding the principel of Sola Scriptura (Scriptuer Only). As to the our present study of the gospel of Mark, The Healing of a Boy with an Unclean Spirit (Mark 9:14-29), shows a fruitful outcome. The report centers around Faith and Prayer, ending up with the words of Jesus: "This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting." Grace is not to be excluded beforehand setting limits to grace. I agree, we do not need in our churches religeous policeman, what we badly need are evangelists preaching hope, revival, reformation and reconciliation in any case.
Winfried Stolpmann
Please consider how the first commandment is related to the seventh commandment:
If a husband is so overbearing and abusive that he does not allow his wife to have her own personality and her own will, must his wife allow herself to be completely consumed by him, or does she have a higher duty to God which can only be fulfilled by separation?
Another way to phrase the question is this: If the husband demands the sort of loyalty and service that is only due to God, should the wife comply and thus violate the first commandment, or should she leave so that she can fulfill her duty to God?
In my view, that kind of separation, does not leave either spouse free to remarry. However, it seems to me that if one spouse does remarry, the other would be free, according to the biblical rule.
If you will continue your research in the writings of Ellen White, I believe you will find a significant amount of counsel regarding husband and wife retaining their own individual personalities which are not to be merged into that of their spouses.
Again, I caution that these are not issues we can judge from the outside. We can, however pray for people and love them.
Thank you for this aspect to reconsider. These cases you mention are very serious. No one should dictate the God given free will of others. Any religious pressure is contrary to free will. Looking at my notes, in most cases EGW advises local separation first to give room for possible reconciliation. I never have found an advice in her writings, that divorce should be prefered in contradiction to what Christ was teaching in Mattew 19:9.
My point of reference is Matthew 19:9 as the only exception Christ gave in allowing divorce. This demonstrates marriage as a very serious matter. Many other reasons are propagated for divorce going beyond what Christ had allowed. In these cases there are many marriage situations being used in justification for divorce.
Justification of sinners is available by grace alone (sola gratia and sola scriptura). There can be no other justification. Justification based on situations amounts to self justification. Paul is talking about sin in nearly 60 verses prior to coming up with the solution of justification by grace alone (Romans 1:18 - Romans 3:19; Romans 3:21 and following chapters). The problem becomes obvious comparing self justification by situations to justify divorce on one side and justification by grace alone with sin forgiven and a new beginning in Christ Jesus on the other side. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
The serious problem consists in the fact that a self justification on the basis of situations is rendering Christ and His justificatcion needless. This is the harmartological problem -- problem of the kind of justification to use: Christ and his sacrifice on the cross for justification or a justification of my own, based on situations I use to justify my doing. In the end I am my own judge to do what I please on the basis of those situations that I analyse without knowing the real situation inasmuch as only the Allmighty is Allknowing. "Christ knew all men and needed no one to bear witness of man; for he himself knew what was in man." (John 2:25) So we do not instruct Christ regarding situations. Only He is qualified to even look at the inside of man. We are not qualified to do that what Christ alone is qualified to do and to look into. It is best to bring the situations, whatever they are, to Christ who knows all the situations not only from the outside, but also from the inside.
Paul is using an example of marriage in Romans 7:1-3. A married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man, while her husband is alive. What she was doing is considered to be sin or else she would not be called an adulteress.
Paul is talking about sin in Romans leaving the way open for grace to bring about forgiveness and renewal. The rest is summing up guilty mankind being sinners on the basis of transgressing the law, the problem of indwelling sin and then coming to the conclusion: "There is now therefore no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit." (Romans 8:1) The final climax: "Who shall bring any charge against God`s elecct? It is God who justifies" (Romans 8:33)
My point is: What kind of justification am I applying to my married life? Is it a justification on the basis of situations, in selfjustification of my decisions? Or is it the justifacation by grace alone through the cross sacrifice of Christ Jesus? Either one or the other. Both cannot be combined.
This is, what I am talking about hoping not to be misunderstood.
It also need to be said: If we go on, multiplying further reasons for divorce going beyond what Christ has ordered in Matthew 19:9, we are multiplying out of his word multiple reasons which are summed up as a new church tradition. In this way human tradition developed from the early church into Middle Ages with a lot of traditions not sanctioned by scripture. Therefore the Apostles have set a red line in the early church: "Let what you heard from the beginning abide in you. Then you will abide in the Son and in the Father." (1 John 2:24) Apostolic is what reaches back to Christ. (1 John 1:1-4) Not Apostolic is what not reaches back to Christ.
Winfried Stolpmann
However, my first referenc of authority is scripture. And at this point I see difficult problems in harmatology (teaching about sin and justification be grace alown). To illustrate the point: Paul is writing to those wh know the law relating marriage.