Monday: Parents and Children
Daily Lesson for Monday 16th of March 2026
Children have a vital role as part of the family firm. They need to know they are loved and valued as members of the family and citizens of the heavenly kingdom. Family worship is crucial, simple but regular, morning and evening. At an early age, children can start helping with cleaning and other responsibilities. Most important, they should heed Paul’s command: “Obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20, NKJV).
Read the following passages. What principles are given for raising children?
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Proverbs 22:6,15
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Matthew 19:14
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Deuteronomy 6:6-7
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Proverbs 1:8-9
Rightly trained for the Lord, by precept and example, children will be a blessing to the family, the church, and beyond. And Paul’s instruction for parents, like his instruction for husbands and wives, is balanced and reciprocal: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21, NKJV). How parents, particularly the father, interact with and discipline children profoundly impacts their spiritual upbringing.
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Studies show, too, that when both parents go to church, a higher percentage of children remain churchgoers, as opposed to if only one parent goes. Even more surprising, consistent church attendance by the father, even more than by the mother, means a greater number of children remain in church as adults. The role of the father, then, in the spiritual formation of his children, cannot be underestimated. How crucial that fathers take their roles seriously.
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Not all fathers, however, have been (to put it mildly) exemplary role models for their children. How can knowledge of God as our Father help bring healing where needed, especially when earthly fathers have caused great damage? |
I will be up-front from the outset: I am not a perfect parent. My son once punched me on the nose. I remember the punch but neither he nor I remember the reason for it now. It was in his teenage years and having been a teenager myself, had two children, and two grandchildren, I know there does not have to be a reason for teenagers to be angry at their parents.
The problem with parenting is that we are all experts until we become parents. Then all our theories are shredded. We think we are going to be dealing with little clones of ourselves but find that they have developed minds of their own and exercise their own free choice.
I always take heart in the only story of Jesus when he was a teenager. I know we like to put a deep spiritual slant on the fact that he went missing for a few days, and was finally found discoursing with the Temple academics. There is a sense of teenage normality in that story that I find comforting.
The real test of Christian parenting, is when you are faced with an angry teenager, yelling, “I hate you!” and slamming the bedroom with a force like an atomic bomb. The only answer I have is that you have to be there the next morning, and the next.
I am acutely aware some parents have a lot of heartache with their children . Some parents have done all the right things and still their children have made bad life decisions. It is not for any of us to say, “You should have done this, or that …” God loved us while we were sinners, and the least we can do is love our kids when they make bad decisions. That is tough, parenting love.
If you ask Christian parents whose Children have turned out to be “good adults”, they will tell you without any hesitation that it was by God’s grace. God does not send angels to influence our children, but God graciously makes us “good parents” to bring our children in ways of the Lord. The love, kindness, patience and goodness we need as parents only comes from God. As parents, we always pray to God to make us good parents before we can tell our children to be good. Even though, some of us our children have successfully flown out of the nest (glory and thanks belongs to God), my prayer is, “God please makes us good role models in the church, in the community, in the supermarket and on the streets”.
One of the greatest joy parents have is when in their judgment, the children have grown to be responsible citizens and even so remaining and growing in faith. If there is one thing we need to do more and more is to pray for our own children, in the church and in the community. Special prayer sessions dedicated to our children should be one of the top agenda of the church. Without our children remaining in the faith, the church mission is in grave danger. It is not surprising to see Jesus giving children great priority in His ministry (Mark 10:13–16). More of the church resources need to be invested in the Children department. More sermons about parenthood need to be heard. Young parents need to be supported by older parents. As the African saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child”.
I have never been married or have any children. I grew up in the Adventist Church, the only child of a single Mom, who literally struggled to make ends meet. I just gave you the back-drop. Now here is the point. My journey like so many Adventist children, especially as we entered our Teen years was this sole concept of the pre-eminence of obedience. Please read carefully what I am “saying”. YES ! Obedience is indisputable. But it is always Faith First! As theoretical as it sounds, it reaches to the very core of our humanity and our relationship with our children.
Simply from a psychological perspective a child who loves and trust you is more likely to be obedient and choose to deny his childish inclinations.
From a theological perspective a child who has developed a love relationship with Jesus and is learning to trust Him is able to access power to obey.
I know that to some of you this may sound like “laid back” philosophical stuff. But trust me as a child growing up, especially in the Seventh-Day Adventist Church, I know what I am struggling to communicate to you.
Dear Steve,
I completely get your point. This is one of the serious mistakes parents make. Obedience cannot be decreed; it is a response to a loving and trusting relationship. In the short term, obedience can be enforced through fear, intimidation and coercion. But it will not last long because that is false obedience. True obedience comes from love as Jesus said, “We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19). Children who feel loved find it much easier to obey. At the same time, it is also fair to say that disobedience is not the absence of love from parents. I have noted on several cases where children who are truly loved, simply become rebellious. There is no one cause for disobedience. In a fallen world like ours, there are demonic forces which hold our children captive and make them to repel for no apparent reasons. As we know, the devil targets our children to inflict pain on parents. As I noted in my earlier comment, successful parenthood is only by the grace of God.
“Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.” (Psalms 127:1-2).
You make an excellent observation.
We need to be careful that we minimise conflating concrete and abstract realities in our discussions, or at the very least identify them when we do. Obedience is a very concrete concept whereas faith (or grace) is not.
Young children have not developed the mental capacity or maturity to fully understand or grasp abstract realities. Parents and rules are concrete, faith in parents and the rules they have are abstract. This means children need concrete examples, structures, and institutions to maintain peace, security, and stability while developing within age appropriate education.
As children mature and grasp the abstract realities that God wants them to understand (the reasons and motives), adults need to direct children’s education toward abstract realities in ways they can understand and apply. This is where there are at least two problems: Not everyone can grasp these things easily, and not everyone can teach or present them easily. This would be more visible during the teenage years, which reflects your experience (and mine).
This is one of the reasons I believe that character development, maturity, or if you prefer “perfection” only takes place within community.
Dear Randall, today is Wednesday and I just read your comment. I see much truth in your reply. Someone once said that parents stand in the “place of God” to their children. This is the reason even at this stage of my life when I say “Our Father who art in Heaven” , I wonder to some degree what I am really saying, since I never really had a Dad and I never had children of my own. The point I am seeking to make is this: the concrete reality of having loving parents whom a child has grown to love and trust is extremely important to his ability to grasp the concept of a loving heavenly Father.
Handling children has never been an easy job, just as many parents with mature children report experiencing hassles while dealing with them. Indeed, there are different kinds of challenges in the parent–child relationship, and it is true to say that difficulties will always exist. The Bible teaches that as long as we are human, we are subject to sin. Living in a world of sinners and relating to parents and children who are also sinners means that problems will inevitably arise. As written in Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Therefore, it can be concluded that something may be wrong in a family where the parent–child relationship is completely free from difficulties, because struggles are a natural part of human relationships.
God has entrusted authority to parents with the understanding that every child has enormous potential for either beautiful living or chaotic ruin, depending on the choices made by both parents and children. In God’s eyes, every child is like a diamond in the rough. Parents serve alongside God as master diamond-cutters, working to bring out the finest qualities in young people so they may reach the state God desires for them. The Bible instructs children to respect this authority, as stated in Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” If young people refuse to submit to the sometimes painful experience of being shaped by the authority of God and their parents, they may end up realizing very little of their ultimate potential.
They were right when they said “it takes a village to raise a child” and that’s why as parents we should try and bring up our children in an environment that is healthy and God fearing thus when they grow up they won’t forget.
Parents have a responsibility of teaching and commanding their children with a view of correcting them in love. Proverbs 1:8-9.
Fathers are asked not to prove their children – Colossians 3:21. Children may be very wrong,but you cannot lead them to the right by losing patience with them.
Parents should speak with one voice when correcting or disciplining the children.
Children have a vital role to play as part of the family. They need to know that they are loved and valued.At an early age teach them to be responsible most importantly they should obey paul command.Obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing to the lord.Col:3:20.
Parenting is a difficult but rewarding task. It is a position that should draw us closer to God. He is an experienced and seasoned parent who can guide us in our parenting journey.
To children who did not receive the blessings of Godly parenting, I pray that they would come to know God and His love for all His children.
I believe we have a diverse families too
Mothers and fathers
Single parent
Guardians raising young children.
Pastors and mentors guiding families.
Young couples preparing for parenthood.
How crucial that all these diverse families take their roles seriously.
Raising challenging children can be incredibly painful and exhausting, leaving parents feeling drained, frustrated, and even heartbroken at times. It’s a form of trauma that often goes unacknowledged. Yet, in the midst of this struggle, God’s presence, prayer, and a caring community can provide strength, hope, and encouragement to keep going.
When my grandchildren were very young they asked me why God wanted them to be obedient to their mom and dad. I told them if they could not make themselves be obedient to their mom and dad, whom they could see, how could they learn to be obedient to a God they could not see.
Unconditional love – God extended it to us! Can we extend this to our children? We need to! Can we expect our children to be ‘obedient’ if we have not assured them that we love them unconditionally? Expecting our children to be obedient requires extending unconditional love to them first. They should not be afraid that we withdraw our love – abandon them – if they do not obey.
Our heavenly Father assures us again and again that we can unconditionally trust His Love for us – He does not abandon us as we love Him with our imperfect love in return. He ‘gave’ us all we need in order to believe and trust His ‘Living Word’ – His Son, Jesus Christ. He admonishes us to love Him with all our heart in return. This tells Him that we accept Him as our heavenly Father.
Our love/trust-relationship with our heavenly Father is the blueprint for our relationship with our children. Jesus lived His relationship with the Father for us as an example to emulate. We need to show/demonstrate love to our children first. Though, without loving our heavenly Father first, we do not know how to rightly love our children – 1 John 4:19..
I may have a problem connecting with my child. Unfortunately, we are not living in a functional, exemplary family. Is there anything I can do about losing my own father at the age of 5? Does that influence anything in my reality now? Lucky is the family that has a responsible father today. Lucky is the father who respects God today, because He can fix whatever broken relationship there is! Glory be to Father. He is love, totally!