Sunday: Facing the Past
Eventually, things moved in the right direction for Joseph, big time. He not only gets out of prison, but he is made prime minister of Egypt after interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams (Genesis 41:1-57). He is married and has two children of his own (Genesis 41:50-52). The storehouses of Egypt are full, and the predicted famine has begun. And then, one day, Joseph’s brothers turn up in Egypt.
Read the first encounter between Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 42:7-20. Why the elaborate plot? What was Joseph trying to do with this first meeting?
Image © Review & Herald Publishing at Goodsalt.com
Joseph had the power and could have taken his revenge on his brothers without having to justify himself. But, rather than revenge, Joseph is concerned about the members of his family at home. He is worried about his father. Was he still alive, or had a dysfunctional family become a family without a patriarch? And what about his brother Benjamin? As his father’s delight and joy, Benjamin was now in the same position that Joseph had been. Had the brothers transferred their dangerous jealousy to Benjamin? Joseph is now in a position to look out for these vulnerable people in his family, and he does just that.
Practicing biblical principles in our relationships will not mean that we ever can or should accept abuse. Each one of us is precious in God’s sight. Jesus paid the ultimate price on the cross for each one of us.
Why does Jesus take abuse or neglect of others so personally? Read Matthew 25:41-46.
We have all been bought through Jesus’ blood, and legally we are all His. Anyone who is abusive is attacking Jesus’ property.
Sexual abuse and emotional or physical violence are never to be a part of family dynamics. This is not just private family business to be resolved internally. This will need outside help and intervention. If you or someone in your family is being abused, please get help from a trusted professional.
| What are some biblical principles that you need to apply to whatever difficult family relationships you are now experiencing? |
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If there is one thing we learned from the Royal Commission into the institutional coverup of sexual abuse, it is that institutions go to extraordinary lengths to present a "clean" image to society. Dysfunction of institutions was covered up, victims not believed or silenced, and perpetrators hidden, if not protected. Church institutions in particular faired poorly at the inquiry. The gap between the projection of moral purity and the dysfunctional reality was hypocritical and painfully obvious.
The story of Jacob's family is tough reading. Unfortunately for most of us we have read the bits that get into children's Bible story books and have a somewhat filtered view of their behaviour. Read in its entirety, it is a story of change from selfishness to selflessness. And ultimately there is a lesson to us in our church lives.
Sometimes we strive for image rather than function in our churches. The saying, "the Church is a hospital for sinners rather than a fort for saints", is a mission statement we should perhaps reflect on.
Adrian Plass tells the story of Lennard Thynn, who was one of his church members who struggled with drink. One of Adrian's non-Christian work colleagues found Lennard, drunk and disordily and in the company of two burely policemen, taking him to the cells to sleep off his indisposition. Adrian's colleague made fun of the fact that one of Jesus's little angels had fallen into disrepute so publically. Adrian responded,
He then asked his non-believing colleague, "Who forgives and supports you when you fail or do something stupid?"
We Christians will be listened to more, if rather than covering up our dysfunction, we are seen to be working on it together. We are on a journey - we have not arrived at our destination.
Hi Maurice, here’s what I wrote in my preparation to teach this week’s Sabbath school class. It maybe a little harsh for some, and I don’t know yet if God the Holy Spirit will allow me to say this while teaching the Sabbath school class. What do you think? You can be honest.
Before I go on to the next topic in Joseph’s family saga, we’re still talking about Forgiveness; it’s interesting that the picture on Sunday’s lesson is of a Hebrew boy slave bound in ropes, along side a Black or African boy/man in chain chattels. What do you think our author, or maybe just the photographer, is saying to us? The history of slavery has taken many many forms in the past, from indentured servitude to chattelled slavery. Joseph was in a sort of indentured slavery, he was given privileges and respect far beyond even indentured servitude. But with chattelled slavery there was no privileges and little or no respect given to the slaves; even if you have the nicest master on the planet, it was the worst form of slavery. I’m not here to bring up all the sins of a country as a result of slavery (of America, in particular because that’s the form of slavery that I’m most familiar with through historical events). I could tell you many many history stories about slavery. For example, did you know that the founder of my home state, the state of Georgia, John Oglethorpe, fought over 30 years to try to make, and keep, it illegal to have slaves in the state of Georgia, when the colonies were still under British laws. He did not want chattelled slaves used in any form of labor in the state of Georgia; he felt that the colonists should do their own labor, build their own cities, work their own crops. After John Oglethorpe left Georgia, the leaders of the state of Georgia wrote several letters to the board of governors in England, asking for permission to overturn Oglethorpe’s previous laws and ordinances regarding importing black chattels slaves from South Carolina into the state of Georgia to help them with their agriculture crops. The board of governors eventually gave them permission to do so. Some of the Georgia farmers were already using borrowed slaves from South Carolina before England had given them permission.
I’m bringing this up because it’s a part of our lesson here on Forgiveness; I’m not the one that put this photo in the Sabbath school lesson. It’s a hard pill to swallow, to forgive 400+ years of hard and cruel abuse to my people during slavery, but we must forgive our nations sins against us, if we want God to forgive us of our sins. Also, it might have be easier to forgive if there wasn’t so much brutality involved in this form of slavery.
I have had so many discussions about this with my husband, essentially last year, during the cruel and senseless arrest and death of George Floyd, and we definitely will not talk about that again, but it targeted so many people of all races of the ugliness of slavery. But my husband said to me during my sorrows of last year (my sorrows for my ancestors), “Toni, you should look at your people’s history, just like Joseph, your people had to go thru a lot of hardship to get You out of Africa”.
Truly, let me tell you, Africa, back before 16th century, was not a walk in the park. It was a time when the uncultivated country of Africa meet the cultured European, from Spain and Portuguese mostly, and they introduced them to more sophisticated and powerful weapons to be used in their tribal wars in Africa. So, some of the chattels slaves were not stolen from Africa against their will, but were traded by the tribal leaders in exchange for guns and other weapons, or traded for other things of value. So, my husband is partially right, in order to preserve some of the families of Africa, God allowed it to happen. And I need to make this very clear and plain, God did not direct or perform any of these abuses against Joseph, or the chattels slaves of Africa, but He allowed it to result in a greater good. You don’t have to accept or agree with me on this subject, but you do have to Forgive.
May God teach us all how to forgive one another, ourselves, and our nations.
Thank you for your insight and challenge Toni. I grew up in New Zealand and now live in Australia, consequently, I have little knowledge of American slavery history, other than what I have read in books. We of course have our own episodes of dark history, the convict era, and the Pacific Island Blackbird trade. Then too we have the ongoing issue of our treatment of Aboriginals that extends right up to the present.
Here are a couple of observations:
1) I think that racism and social injustice will always be with us. We have had "sorry" and reconciliation days but, as emotional as those days are, the real work is changing the hearts and minds of the people. That has to happen every day by individuals, and that is not something that can be changed by mandate or ceremony.
2) We need to ensure that the stories are told, not in the sense of string up strife but in the sense that we need to know what we are healing from.
3) We need to be educated about the forms of enslavement that we tacitly agree to when we buy our cheap clothes made overseas.
Forgiveness is not a walk in the park.It takes courage and persistence.
Thank you Maurice for your insight and encouragement; it is always appreciated. I never really thought of healing and forgiveness as our daily decisions; we usually think of forgiveness (forgiving a person or group) as a one-time occurrence. Maybe if everyone thought about it like that, then we will have peace in our souls. Thank you for teaching me that.
I’m still going to wait for the Holy Spirit to led me, as to if I should use this in my sabbath school lesson tomorrow, because we have a mixed congregation (all races) and some of the saints may not ready for that. I don’t want to be run out of the church tomorrow, lol.
Happy sabbath to everyone. And happy preparation day.
Toni - Thank you for sharing your personal insights. I read your comments with great interest since our bi-racial children struggle to make sense of a past that they did not experience first-hand, but who’s emotional and intellectual challenges they encounter daily.
Even though I attempted many times through conversation to help them disentangle themselves from the net of ‘association-thinking/reasoning’, the lure of putting personal disappointments in life into the basket of historical ‘racial discrimination’ has proved to be very powerful. Unfortunately, this topic of conversation has been taken off the table in our home due to the strong push-back that ‘I cannot possibly understand’ since I am not of the same 'color'.
I am convinced that God’s provision of His deep, heart-felt forgiveness is the only ‘power’ which can overcome the resentment build up over centuries, passed from one generation to the other.
I see God’s Mercy and Grace in the form of forgiveness swinging like a huge pendulum from side to side, each time removing a portion of resentment and anger present in the races of the world before it swings back to do it again.
In due time, His Forgiveness in the hearts and minds of mankind will replace resentment and anger with understanding forgiveness and compassion; we need to keep our faith strong.
Yes, indeed – my great desire is to experience His daily forgiveness, given and received, to become the healing balm which restores every living soul!
There are 3 points I would like to raise related to today's lesson focus.
1) Today's lesson rightly states: "Practicing biblical principles in our relationships will not mean that we ever can or should accept abuse." Why is this?
Ellen White succinctly states that "the law of self-renouncing love is the law of life for earth and heaven (and) that the love which 'seeketh not her own' has its source in the heart of God" (Desire of Ages, 19).
It is easy to miss that this law (or principle of cause and effect) - the principle of Agape love - is the foundational principle to all true life and living. As such, it is the only principle that actually works. Ellen White also refers to this principle as "the circuit of beneficence", and that such is the core characteristic of God (Desire of Ages, 21).
Do you catch the significance of what Ellen White is saying? Love = beneficence. And love/beneficence is the most core/foundational quality necessary for life and living. So what is beneficence? Essentially, beneficence means to 'be' and act towards another person in ways that truly 'benefit' them (Philippians 2:4).
So, what is genuinely in an abuser's best interests? What happens to their heart and character as they continue to abuse? Does it become more Christ-like? Or does it become more hardened in self-seeking and self-indulgence?
I love the dynamic that is expressed in Philippians 2:4. In any situation, the genuinely beneficial thing will genuinely benefit all persons concerned - even though it may not please all persons.
Establishing healthy boundaries within an abusive situation or, where that is not possible or safe to do so, removing yourself from that situation or having the other removed from the situation (by the relevant authorities) is in the best interests of the abuser. Hopefully, it will lead the abuser to 'wake up to themselves' and realise what they are doing and the harm it is causing to themselves and others. But even if it doesn't, taking such actions are beneficial because they are not handing the abuser a 'free pass' to being destructive.
Some may think - or have had quoted to them - verses such as Matthew 5:39 and wrongly conclude that Christians are called to submit to abuse. This is a misunderstanding of the verse which is saying do not response out of a spirit of revenge. Taking a stand against abuse that is motivated by beneficent love rather than revenge is an entirely different thing.
2) The lesson also states that "Sexual abuse and emotional or physical violence are never to be a part of family dynamics." I would suggest there is need to broaden the scope of this statement from emotional and physical violence to emotional and physical abuse - and also to include spiritual abuse.
What is 'abuse'? I would propose that it is the opposite of beneficence. While the process and outcome/s of beneficence serves to build another up towards becoming the child of God they were created to be, the process and outcome/s of abuse tears a person down and degrades them. Spiritual abuse is the use of spiritual teaching or a spiritual relationship to detrimentally coerce or control, dominate, exploit, or otherwise degrade another person. It is a core feature of Satanic practices and has no place within a genuinely Christian environment.
3) For anyone who may be in a domestic abuse situation or for anyone who may be trying to help/assist someone who may be in such a situation, unfortunately it frequently can take the abused person some time to come to realisation of the situation they are in and to take appropriate action. Being aware of this and checking to see if such is the case can help inform the way in which you go about providing support to someone in order to reduce the risk of inadvertently adding extra pressure or guilt for a person who is often already feeling overwhelmed and/or self-doubting.
Phil thank you for your validation!
I stayed in an abusive marriage for 31 years, waiting for him to gain victory through Christ and for me to be able to trust him emotionally and physically. That never happened and when I finally decided to divorce, the emotional peace was overwhelming. I cried and tembled for days.
When you feel as though your very mental stability is in jeopardy, God listens to our cries for relief and sometimes those answers are "he is not safe emotionally" and you feel empowered to make the change in your life.
I have heard SDA men reiterate the line........."if it's not adultery then your recourse is separation only" For those of us who have finally freed ourselves, this is a retraumatization and leads us to feel we have failed as good SDA women/wives.
Please listen to our stories.......never make us feel as though we "should have done better".
Thank you for listening
Hi Elizabeth
When I read both of your responses today, I thought of 1 Corinthians 4:5. This is why we are not to be judgmental of others - we don't have all the facts and insights.
The mistaken notion that adultery is the only valid grounds for divorce has caused so much unnecessary additional pain and trauma as you have mentioned.
I believe there is a failure to consider what 'marriage' actually and functionally is. Authentic marriage is 'oneness' that only exists as an outcome of people who each and both devote themselves to seeking the best interests of the other (Genesis 2:24). When this is not the case, the actual marriage does not actually exist even though the couple may still be 'technically' married in the eyes of the State. In situations such as what you have experienced and described, true marriage/oneness has, in actuality, 'dissolved' - or rather has been severed/divorced by the abuser. Abuse, by nature, is advancing self-'interest' at the expense of the best interests of the other - and therefore precludes 'oneness'.
Thus, it is the abuser that initiates and 'causes' the actual divorcing of the relationship. So, you did not choose divorce - rather, you chose to accept and formalise that divorce had occurred - bringing to light the thing that was hidden in darkness, so to speak.
So, you have in no way failed. It is the self-seeking spirit within the abuser, nurtured by the abuser, that is the source of failure.
Thank you for sharing your experience. May God bless your continuing journeying... and may God help the rest of us open our ears to hear - and our hearts to understand with discerning compassion rather than judgment...
I appreciate your comments. Over the years, I have come to feel also that the broken marriage commitment is more than just adultery but breaking the covenant to love one another as Jesus loves his bride. When love turns to control, manipulation, pornography, inappropriate emotional relationships, seeking validation and affirmations from the opposite sex......those actions have all broken the covenant of marriage/love/spiritual oneness.
God Bless and thank you again for listening
This finally has helped me see the light on a vexing issue. thank you!!!
Amen Elizabeth. I have a Sister and a Nephew ( yes Nephew, she abused him) that went through the same thing.
I avoid engaging in speculations and assumptions; assuming to understand, know, or form an opinion about what went on in Joseph’s head falls into this category. Many years had passed since the incident that started his sojourn in Egypt.
Reading Gen.42:9KJV, I can surmise that Joseph was very cautious to establish the right relationship with his brothers. He had experienced their jealousy as a youth because of his dreams, and these dreams had come true - Gen.37:5-11KJV.
I see Jacob being protective of Benjamin as he was of Joseph, most likely to prevent similar circumstances as had befallen his ‘firstborn’, Joseph - Gen.42:4KJV.
I want to focus on Joseph’s ability to be patient, to strategize, and to carefully set the stage for his brothers to realize that it is he, the one who they despised, who is helping them now to prevent starvation for their families.
Beloved by God, directed by His spirit, Joseph knew no other way than to care and provide for their families’ needs in this time of crisis; and God knows why he went about it the way he did. God blessed all of them on account of Joseph’s faithfulness in the matters pertaining to life.
When facing the past, we are called to use God’s Light of Life, His Truth, His Gospel Message, to establish that firm and permanent place of trust in our heart from where we start to form our faithful relationship with the heavenly Father.
This is the purpose/goal of the Gospel message: To establish the firm foundation on which to build our life and to live rightly with others; it is the way out of darkness into His marvellous Light.
Understanding and accepting that all humanity comes short of the Glory of God, we find our refuge in the acceptance of forgiveness by our heavenly Father. We put the dark experiences behind us and, looking toward to Light shining brightly from heaven above to lighten the path for us to walk in, we invite others to join us.
I am glad to see that the study guide is delving deeper into the process of forgiveness over the next five days. I know these where Joseph's steps and may not necessarily apply to all but I believe they are recorded for our benefit 1Cor 10:11
What have you learned from today's study guide?
This is what I have noticed in Joseph's actions:
Sometimes it is easier to deal with an issue when some time has past.
We need to acknowledge that what happened was wrong.
We need to examine our part in the event.
Examine the other party's current attitude to incident before meeting face to face.
I just have a question, did joseph already know his brother's attitudes towards him before he agreed to meet them and being thrown inside that scary pothole?
Joseph chose to follow the God of his father and that's why he forgave his brothers
I am glad to see that our study includes abuse. It pops up throughout this week’s lesson.
I have advocated for the abused for years - before I ever heard of Adventists - and some of the most vocal objectors to the existence of abuse came from church members who insisted “He/She couldn’t have done that. He/She is an (Elder/Teacher/etc)”. Or the one I really wonder at - “He/She is a CHRISTIAN”. As if a Christian isn’t also a human.
Anywhere there are humans there can be abuse.
Don’t feel holier than the abuser, just because you don’t commit this particular sin. It doesn’t mean your sins are ok, they’re just different.
Yes, bring abuse within the church to light. The reflection on the church will be worse if we try to cover it up and may lead to more abuse.
Blessings on those who are abused.
Prayers for the abusers that they may be truly repentant and not just sorry they were found out.
Thank you for caring.
I was told by someone who was/had a conversation/preaching with other Christians. Some time ago the wives of some Pastors took them up to the higher leaders of the church/conference because of spouse abuse. Abuse is found everywhere even in Christian circles. This happens all over the world and not just one or couple places.
Oh so true.
And if the higher ups do a cover up then the sin is on them also. The goal is healing for both abused and abuser, not having a good image - for God looks at the heart.
Only by the grace of God can I keep my eyes on Jesus, because if I (we) look at people for examples it can be pretty ugly sometimes. And we must not let people turn us from God.
My abuser was unable to repent....his comment to me 2 years after our divorce was "you were a good wife and I loved you.......I don't understand what happened!" Truly he didn't understand because the issue was a personality disorder. However, living with the abuse was mind numbing and soul sucking and I finally chose divorce.
For those couples who can repent, heal, forgive, restore....Praise God.
For those who choose another path, please don't judge their decision.