Monday: A Call to Fathers
Note the character qualities of fathers described in Proverbs that can have long-term consequences for children:
Prov. 15:1, Prov. 15:18; Prov. 16:32
Image © Bjorn Thorkelson Goodsalt.com
The characters of fathers have a direct impact on their children and the legacy they pass on to them. Children look to their fathers for support, devoted affection, guidance, and modeling. Proverbs lauds those fathers who are reliable providers and wise managers of family resources. Many are the ways in which “the greedy bring ruin to their household” (Prov. 15:27, NIV); fathers must be mindful to give priority to family over work. Godly fathers seek to be patient and in command of their emotions. They respect their children’s dependence upon them. They discipline their children, but are careful not to abuse their position of authority. Most important, dedicated fathers want to follow God, to be controlled by His love and by the teaching of His Word, that they might guide the feet of their children in the right way.
In the end, the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. His faithfulness and continuing affection for her, or the lack of these, have a telling effect upon children’s well-being even into adulthood.
In Proverbs, loyalty to God, commitment to marriage and family, and integrity in one’s personal and community life are key themes. Success in everything depends upon the condition of the individual heart. The attractions of sin—whether sex, sloth, wealth, or power—abound, but the wise husband and father looks to God for help to make right choices continually.
| How are the moral principles expressed here important for anyone, whether or not a father? How have your actions, either for good or bad, impacted others, especially children? In what ways might you need to be more careful? |
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Fatherhood changed my whole concept of love. I can still remember looking at my son for the first time. He looked so small and vulnerable and suddenly I knew that I had responsibilities! Life changes. The glossy shiny side of love was replaced with dirty nappies, broken sleep, and seemingly endless crying. And then, just when I thought I had got used to all that, the teens hit, and I had to love a rebellious arrogance, and authority challenging young man. I read my Bible where to talks about God the Father and I understood why he used that metaphor.
I cannot claim to be a good father; I survived, and my now adult children still talk to me. I used to read all those wise words about being a good father, but when you are faced with a couple of teenage children they sound so theoretical. So now when I read all the wise words about being a father, I look back in hindsight and see my mistakes and remind myself that it was on-the-job training. And I thank God that by my side I had a wise wife, Carmel, who thought about parenthood in a very different way to me and thankfully moderated my parenthood. Together we survived.
Did I learn anything at all:
Perhaps that is why I have become slow of speech (grin).
And now we have to sit back and watch our kids going through their own baptism of fire with teenage kids.
Maurice, I could not agree with you more that being a parent/ father changed my concept of love. I now appreciate much more how God can love me, a sinner. No matter what my kids did or how they turned out, I would still love them. I am so thankful that despite my mistakes, our two girls turned out to be good people; that is the one value that my wife and I continually stressed. For the young ones out there approaching marriage or having children there are two things I would stress. Be a loving parent not a buddy to your children. They need to know and want to know the boundaries of life. Discipline is part of the package. This does not necessarily require striking your child but it does require consistent consequences for their actions. Consequences may be negative or positive depending on their actions. Secondly, know this, no matter how well you do as a parent, even if you were “perfect”, your child may turn out to be a bad person. I’m sorry, it happens. It is hard not to but you can not blame yourself or God. It is called free will.
Jim, your description of the ideal father reminds me of the LORD, love, guidance, discipline, consequence.
I have learned one key thing about being a father. Time spent with children is very rewarding. Most of the time fathers are so occupied with work but even so lets have a custom of spending time with children.We need to talk to them,play with them and in that way we will gain their confidence.
God’s call on the life of Abraham... He is called, at the age of 75, to leave behind home and family and set out for God, Gen. 12:1. As far as we know, there was no hesitation on the part of Abraham. He simply responded in faith to God and set out to follow Him. Abraham’s call was to be the Father of a great nation, Gen. 12:2. Abraham answered that call and followed the Lord.
There is no greater blessing than for children to be surrounded by men who have God’s call upon their lives. I am not referring to a call to professional, vocational ministry. I am referring to men who have heard God’s call to be men of the cross. Men who are not afraid of their faith, men who are not ashamed to announce to the world that they are children of the living God! I am convinced that every Christian man has a call of God upon his life, especially fathers! This call implies two great truths:
1. That There Is A Personal Relationship With God – (Il). Abraham knew God in a personal way!) Every child deserves a saved father! A saved father will not be perfect. However, a saved father will have a foundation from which he can influence the lives of the children around him. (What about it men are you saved? Salvation and the church thing isn’t just for women, children and preachers, it is for sinners and every man here qualifies!)
2. That There Is A Personal Responsibility Before God – Every man in this forum, but especially fathers, have a great responsibility before the Lord. We are responsible for training our children in the way of God. We are to teach them about Jesus, the Bible and the will of the Lord. They need to learn about prayer, salvation and a close walk with the Lord from their dads, Eph. 6:4; Deut. 6:6-25! Thank God for women who live the truth! But, it is the father’s responsibility to take the lead in the spiritual upbringing of the children. God will hold us accountable!
How often do we say that I wish I knew then what I know now! I came from an 'Adventist' family where I grew up with abuse, criticism, loneliness and hypocrisy. During the week my father was always busy 'at work' but I now know that he had many affairs, my mother was left to cope alone and felt abandoned, but on Sabbath my father would sit up the front of the church, pray and be everyone's friend.
I slowly walked away from the church over the years, after 2 failed marriages, ex-communication from the church, no friends and 3 children.
I have now come back to God and He loves me!! I can't change my children except to show them that because God loves me, He will also love them. I pray earnestly that the Holy Spirit will speak to each of their hearts and fill them with His perfect love.
Oh Jane!! Thank you for that honest testimony. Very few come out with their truths like that.
I love this lesson because of how realistic it is. Bad fatherhood affects us the children. I come from a family where the father walked away one day and was gone forever. Didn't have any affection for us, even when we tried keeping in touch, he would change his phone number so that we don't reach him. He would post on Facebook about his new wife and family, meanwhile he was still legally married to my mum. The pain it brought to my young life! The pain of seeing my mother struggle just to provide food and shelter for us! The pain of seeing her work without rest because she had no choice! The pain of seeing her give up on God and stop attending church because of the whole thing! Nothing can compare to it.
I grew up an angry child, suffered at the inability to ever forgive my father, short tempered, easily gave up, negative self and body image. I wasan A student at school but I undermined myself so much I wouldn't even behave like one. Grew up fighting literally any possible time at school.
If I counted the effects I would exhaust the permitted length! It is by the grace of God that the greatest of all fathers never let go of me. He found me one day and brought me back to church. And I'm happy to say my mother is back at church and wanting to be baptized!! And so we can agree, the Bible is not playing when it rolls out the expected behaviour of fathers to their wives and children. It is a role that is as serious as life itself.
Linda, how I feel your pain but also celebrate God's goodness. What a thrill to know that your mother wants to be baptised - God is so good because He always wants us back, it is us that walks away from God, not God that walks away from us.
May you always enjoy the companionship of your mother in the light of the love of God, and may we meet in the earth made new when all our sorrows will be forgotten and we worship God forever more.
To become a father really changed me. In the begining I started being as I was raised. But after a while I realised that I could not make the same mistakes, not because I was wrongly raised, but because I had now different "tools". I cannot blame my mother for the way she raised me and my sister. She gave us principles that were super valuable. She did all that she could to raise 2 kids as a widow. And she did that very well. But being a father made me want to be a better person more than ever. I am still learning to be a father after 10 years already. And I thank God for this great opportunity!
I think any father recognized their short comings when it comes to the biblical counsel given for them. It is hard work and frankly our fathering is much pattered after the model for which we were raised. My father was not a "kid person" and neither am I. Oh, I thought I was very different from my father, but as I have gotten older I find it not so easily done. Unfortunately my shortcomings have left telling marks on my kids. Thankfully, they had a moderating influence in their mother.
The kind of father I exercised in our family was "the provider." Yes, the Cat in the Cradle Song, could be written about me. Tough and bitter lessons. Nose to the grindstone fathers miss out on fathering in deeper dimensions. Yes, a stay with it father, providing for the family, guiding the family along in ways that create for necessary material needs, isn't all there is for children. Affection shown is huge. A dad that admits a mistake, indescribable good for the kid. A dad that will get down and play dolls with their daughters, so delightful for those little girls, and are the things that make the lasting impressions.
I think all fathers would like a re-do in their lives.
Fathers need to be good examples to their children, do what they say and say what they do. After all, children condition their actions most times from what they see their parents do.
So, as a father, don't expect your children to pick up good traits from somewhere else, be their first role model. You may not be perfect but give your best. Work together with your wife to show them how to be nice and respect people, how to serve God and handle life situations.
Above all, do not forget to keep praying for them because it is not of he that runneth or willeth, but of God who shows mercy.