Thursday: Preparing for Death
Unless we are alive at the Second Coming, one change that we can all expect is the biggest change of all: from life to death. Along with marriage and birth, what change has a greater impact on family than the death of an immediate family member?
Read 1 Corinthians 15:24-26. What do these verses teach us about death?
Image © Jeff Preston Goodsalt.com
Many times, of course, death comes unexpectedly and tragically. How many men, women, even children, woke up one morning only, before the sunset, to close their eyes not in sleep but in death? Or woke up one morning and before the sun set had lost a family member?
Other than making sure you are connected by faith with the Lord and covered in His righteousness moment by moment (see Rom. 3:22), you can’t prepare for a death that you don’t see coming, either for yourself or your loved one.
On the other hand, what would you do if you knew you only had a few months to live? We may not know for certain when death will overcome us, but we certainly may know when we are nearing the end of our life. Thus, how crucial it is to prepare ourselves and our family for the inevitable.
Read 1 Kings 2:1-4, some of the last words David spoke to his son Solomon. What lessons can we take from this about preparing for death, both for ourselves and for family members?
At first glance, one could argue, That’s rich! David, who murdered Uriah after impregnating his wife in an adulterous affair (see 2 Samuel 11:1-27), tells his son to walk in the way of the Lord. On the other hand, it was perhaps precisely because of this sin and the horrible consequences that followed that David’s words were so powerful. He was, no doubt, in his own way trying to warn his son away from the folly that caused him so much grief. David learned, the hard way, some difficult lessons about the cost of sin, and no doubt he had hoped to spare his son some of the grief that he himself had experienced.
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The old adage says that there are only two certainties in life, death, and taxes. Most of us attend to our taxes, simply to avoid trouble with the law. The lesson looks on preparation for death in spiritual terms and I do not want to diminish the importance of that, but there are practical issues we should think about so that our passing does not make life more difficult for those who depend on us. When we die, we sometimes leave behind a big mess for our loved ones to fix up, and a little forethought would certainly help. Isaiah had a few appropriate words to say to Hezekiah:
A couple of stories will explain what I am referring to.
An acquaintance of mine and his wife were running a successful business where business records were kept on a computer. The husband looked after the record keeping and in the interests of security password protected the computer and encrypted the data. He was very security minded and kept the password in his head and did not tell anyone, including his wife what it was. Unfortunately, the husband died rather suddenly, early in life, and the wife had to cope, not only with the grief of losing her husband, but with the potential loss of their business because she did not have access to the business's operational data.
In today’s Internet society, we often have situations where a death can cause problems. A good friend of mine, who has written a number of times for SSNET often corresponded with me privately about a number of topics where we had a common interest. Two years ago he told me he was going on a trip and would be in contact with me when he got back. I was also travelling around the same time and wanted to exchange some information about birds I had photographed when I got back. I sent a couple of emails to him and got no reply. Eventually, I got suspicious and had a mutual acquaintance make some inquiries for me. I found out that he had died on the trip and that his wife had no idea how to get into his computer to read and answer his emails. It was about 6 months before I could get in contact with his wife with a message of condolence.
In our extended family, one family member made out a will leaving his dairy farm to the church organization “to finish the work of the Lord”. His son, a man in his mid-forties, when the events of this story happened, was operating the farm and it was his sole source of income. I guess that he had assumed that when his father died, the farm ownership would pass on to him. The family member died and the first the son knew what was happening was at the reading of the will. He was faced with the prospect of buying the farm back off the church so that he could continue to make a living. In speaking with the Church’s Trust Services personnel much later, I related this story and they told me that there have been a number of similar cases to their knowledge.
Sometimes I think we need to be reminded that Christianity is more than just saying nice spiritual catch-phrases and we should address the issues of practical Christian living. We can make it a lot easier for loved ones by having a plan to ensure that in the case of our demise our loved ones can carry on with life. We often talk about living the Christian life, but we need to extend that to dying with a bit of Christian forethought for the needs of others.
Maurice, the story about the dairy farmer who cheated his son of his inheritance so he could look religious angered me. What kind of a father would do that to his son? Especially a son who worked alongside helping him to run the farm into his old age? (No doubt it never occurred to father to compensate his son during those years.) He must have hated his son terribly, but never bothered to communicate his hatred while his son helped him all those years.
The story brought to mind Jesus’ rebuke to the very religious Pharisees of his day who made the word of God of no effect through their traditions so that they could look good. (Mark 7:10-13.)
The story is a bit more complex than I related it, Richard. It was a long time ago - when I was a teenager. This particular relative devoted a lot of time "working for the Lord" and started a couple of mission projects during his lifetime. At the time, pledging money to the work was fairly common in church circles. So his bequest to the church, while unwise in the circumstances, was not unheard of. It wasn't a question of family hatred; more religious over-zealousness. In the circumstances, I think the church held the property in trust and the son was allowed to continue farming it for the rest of his life.
Inheritance, in the case of farms and I guess, other family businesses as well, is a thorny issue even in unchurched circles. I know of several cases where farmers have had several offspring and one child has wanted to continue farming but the others wanted to seek other careers. Resolving the issue is often a source of contention among family members.
The lesson to be learned is that inheritance, particularly where it affects others significantly should be planned appropriately, rather than creating issues on your passing.
My mother recently completed her list of what is to be done with her and my aging father when they die. Burial plots have been bought, and coffins selected. Avoiding any church or mortuary gatherings and messages, she has opted for simple graveside services. This is one area that is a gift to loved ones left behind upon a person's entering the sleep of death.
As a pastor I witnessed the angst and familial upset between family members over coffins and burial spots. Emotional times led to anger and arguments of those grieving. Had the deceased had a mapped out plan for the care of their remains, most, if not all, of the hard feelings would have been avoided.
Having the talk about what you want done with your property and monetary assets and your lifeless body as early as possible is a blessing.
I made all my end of life directions after my 1st heart attack. I made a living will and a regular will. After years of being a nurse I made my choice to be DNR, DNI. I also choose to be cremated and my ashes spread in the mountains along with my little dogs. My body is also donated to medical science and I am an organ donor. My family all know my wishes and will follow them. I too have seen families torn apart and wanted to avoid that problem.
These lessons are helping me realize that Jesus is interested in my whole life, not just the spiritual aspect. After all He said the love the Lord completely, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, physically, so it shows He cares for my whole being.
This lesson has taught whether rich or poor, young or old,man or woman,,Unless we are alive at the second coming,we must all expect the change from life to death and so we must prepare for our personal death, most times people want to settle down and prepare their spiritual lives after getting old or when very sick,, we should be prepared for no one knows his or her carlendar
While I am right with you about preparing for death, we much also be prepared to live our lives fully in a relationship with Jesus now. That is the only spritual preparation for death that makes sense.
Dealing with death is not easy. And we all deal with it, sooner or later. The way we react to it may influence the way our children does. Death is but a rest. Like a state of sleep, of no knowledge or counciousness. What matters is what we do in life. (And Jesus had conquered death! He will make it go away forever). We should not fear death. Of course is something difficult to digest. But we should remind ourselves more often that death is not our real enemy!
We talk of death as a sleep. But it is "the big one", the sleep of all sleeps. How do we prepare for our daily sleep? I have a bed-time routine that makes getting up in the next day easier. The routine includes worship, physical hygiene and family hugs. Just as with preparation for any other event, "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much." (Luke 16:10, NASB). Could our evening routine be preparation for the last time we close our eyes? If we set our house in order every day, it will be more likely in order on our final day.