Tuesday: Choosing Friends
One of the most important choices we’ll ever make is our friends. Most of the time we don’t set out to make friends; often friendships simply develop naturally as we spend time with people who enjoy some of the same things we do.
What principles in choosing friends do we find in the following verses? Prov. 12:26; Prov. 17:17; Prov. 18:24; Prov. 22:24-25.
Image © Lars Justinen from GoodSalt.com
Proverbs 18:24 says that if we want to have friends we must be friendly. Sometimes people find themselves alone, but their morose, negative attitude is what drives others away. “Even the best of us have these unlovely traits; and in selecting friends we should choose those who will not be driven away from us when they learn that we are not perfect. Mutual forbearance is called for. We should love and respect one another notwithstanding the faults and imperfections that we cannot help seeing; for this is the Spirit of Christ. Humility and self-distrust should be cultivated, and a patient tenderness with the faults of others. This will kill out all narrowing selfishness and make us large-hearted and generous”. – Ellen G. White, Pastoral Ministry, p. 95.
One of the best-known stories of friendship is that between David and Jonathan. Had Saul, Israel’s first king and Jonathan’s father, been faithful and obedient, his kingdom might have lasted for several generations, and Jonathan could have been the successor to his throne. When Saul proved unworthy of his call, God chose David as the new king of Israel, thus disqualifying Jonathan for what otherwise should have been rightfully his. Here we have a powerful example of how the wrong choices of one family member (Saul) impacted another family member (Jonathan).
But Jonathan was not angry or jealous of David. Instead, he chose to help David by protecting him from the anger of his own father, Saul. “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Sam. 18:1, NKJV). What a powerful example of true friendship.
| “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits” (1 Cor. 15:33, NKJV). What has been your own experience with friends, even those who might have meant you no harm but who ended up harming you anyway? How can wrong choices in friendships hurt family relationships? |
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If we only spend time with friends whose influence is good for us, how will we spread the good news?
Or if we spend much time with friends who are not good for us, how will we have good news to spread?
True Sharon,
Maybe we need to be friendly and kind to all but find out their world view and if it doesn't agree with the Bible be careful not to let it influence our world view
Matthew 5:16 King James Version (KJV)
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Another question: Is there or should there be a difference between friends, associates, and those with whom we communicate? I see friends as those with whom I can SHARE the good news that we have in common. Associates may be those with whom I simply live the good news or have it available at their pleasure. They already know where I stand on the topic of the good news. Then I see those with whom I spread the good news as a group with whom I communicate the good news perhaps like the sower in the parable ...that is, until they become friends.
In life we all need friends, it is health too to have them. Let Christ be the center of our life in chosing friends. We may be lost or saved because of friends.
It's so hard to have a friends that your other friend doesnt like.
Eg my wife has a friend that I dont like at all, this friend is not a good person. But she is a friend to my wife. My wife is my best friend.
How do you deal with such?
It's very important that we keep a company of good friends for bad company corrupt good habbit
15:33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
Choosing friends is serious business. Here are two issues that came to mind:
As a parent and a grandparent, we have tried to use some influence on our offsprings' choice of friends. We are well aware that a child's friends can make or break them, yet the interplay of peer pressure and adolescent independence often limits our influence. I am sure that any parent can resonate with me about the frustration we feel when we see our children forming friendships that are detrimental to them. I don't really have the answer to that one. except that being there, when the friendship falls apart does help.
Secondly, I have several atheist friends, who have essentially abandoned Christianity because of the hypocrisy they see in the lives of many Christians. We accept one another as good friends and we don't argue about religion. They have heard it all before anyhow, and I don't want to get into an argument that could end up making bitter enemies. I choose to live as an example of Christ's love to the best of my ability (and with the help of the Holy Spirit). Being there as a friend, when their marriages break up, when their children start behaving like teenagers, and sharing a Christian spirit of support, understanding, and encouragement is the only argument they will listen to. Persistent friendship in the face of adversity is something that touches the heart and works better than an argument about religious belief.
Choosing good friends is tricky....our friendships should cut across all sections.
We need to evangelize more to our own enemies than friends!
What is in friendship?
Being like Jonathan is not quite an easy thing. It takes the Christ in us and his powerful influence manifested for us to be able to be good friends like Jonathan was. That selfless spirit can work wonders towards uniting even the worst enemies in this world. Indeed a friend loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17). But even then, even our family (brothers and sisters) should be kept close enough to be friends! Not just brothers and sisters. Because in most cases we forget about them, putting more emphasis on our friends and loosing that family sharing that is imperative in our day today living.
As anything in life, we can make mistakes in choosing friends too! How do we find out which friend may turn to be a good or bad influence? It is only by trying. But some friends may really become closer than family.
Friends come into to your life for a reason. Some for a short time, some for a medium time, some for a lifetime. We must share the good news with everyone.
In view of today's lesson, how should we see 2 Corinthians 6:14-18?
Who is an unbeliever? I have many friends that are not church going people. They were raised in a church or around religion and they do have a solid foundation of traits that reflect the character of God. They are trust worthy, kind, and compassionate. They are good people. On the occasion that the discussion turns to God, they are believers but not church goers. On the other hand, we have all encountered they occasional church goer that is self righteous, condescending, “holier than thou” and often drives people out of churches. I have good friends in and out of church. Many of them do not confess a faith but believe in God and it shows in their character. Who is the believer?
As a rule, those who choose for their friends and companions, persons who reject Christ and trample upon God‘s law, eventually become of the same mind and spirit. We should ever feel a deep interest in the salvation of the impenitent, and should manifest toward them a spirit of kindness and courtesy; but we can safely choose for our friends only those who are the friends of God. The Signs of the Times, May 19, 1881.
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Proverbs 14:6-7
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
Are these two verses helpful in understanding choice of friends?
Going to church is not a bench mark for choosing friends, However good friends are those of your faith. When choosing a friend ,one thing that stands out is the charecter of humility and teachable spirit.
How important is friendship where you can't share christ? I see this kind of friendship among church members,
Whereby friends meet, talk, laugh, gossip and go away without even a word of prayer?
Talking and laughing may be just as much sharing Jesus as praying. There is a time to pray but there are many times when just sharing and including people in a conversation is sharing Jesus. Think of those people who come to church and go back home again without talking to anyone meaningfully. I know that happens to many people.
Thank you Mourice,,I hav got the point,,There's a way talking and laughing relieves stress
So true, Jesus cares for us, we care for others by showing interest in their daily ups and downs, emotionally, intellectually, physically as well as spiritually.