Tuesday: Selfishness ~ Family Destroyer
“If pride and selfishness were laid aside, five minutes would remove most difficulties”. – Ellen G. White, Early Writings, p. 119.
As human beings, our natures have been corrupted by sin. And, perhaps, the greatest example of that corruption is the curse of selfishness.
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We seem to be born selfish; we can see this reality in small children, whose basic nature is want for themselves. “Me, me, me … ”. By the time we reach adulthood this trait can manifest itself in some pretty terrible ways, especially in the home.
Of course, Jesus came to change this (Eph. 4:24). His Word promises us that we, through Him, don’t have to be dominated by this destructive character trait. His whole life is a perfect example of what it means to live without selfishness; to the degree we emulate His life (1 John 2:6), we will overcome the tendency to live only for ourselves.
Look up the following texts. What do they tell us about living a life of selflessness?
As Ellen G. White wrote above, if pride and selfishness were put aside, so many problems could be solved very quickly, long before they fester and brew and eventually turn into something nasty. All members of the family, especially the parents, must be purged (Prov. 16:6) of this sin at the foot of the Cross (the greatest example in all the universe of selflessness), even if that means constantly coming back to the Cross and kneeling in prayer, faith, tears, and submission.
| How much time are you spending at the Cross fighting against whatever selfishness appears in your life? How does this verse (Matt. 7:16) help show you if you’ve been spending enough time there? |
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Thinking only on yourself is the type of attitude that does not add much. At home, at church, at work, self centered work may be counterproductive. Although Christ treats everyone with distinctive and unconditional love, which is a reality that as christians we must internalize, wherever this love abounds perfect and collective deeds flow out! Only when self is centered on Jesus, the most vivid representation of God's love for His creatures, self-destruction is exchanged by real teamwork! Were this a reality, the whole world would not be in such a free fall to extermination. We fail to build more champion teams because we think too much on personal records! And this can be brought to work, family and marriage, or any other relationship. Only when we are "selfishly" filled by Jesus love we truly died to ego and most of our troubles vanish.
This lesson spoke to me. I was raised by a mother who said, “Always provide for your children. Men are gravey. Don’t count on them to help you.” I have always been the head of my house. The principal breadwinner. My husband and I have been married 35 years, 36 in November. He has been content to take care of the children and the house and work full-time, while I went to school and worked full-time. I took all the overtime I could get. I see now that I should have spent more time at home and been a co-parent with my husband. I always took my children and grandchildren to church, but my husband being Catholic didn’t go with us. He never went to his own church either. He comes to church with me now, but the kids think it’s because I make him go, which is not the case. Sometimes when I’m sick he goes by himself. He even goes shopping for potluck by himself!
He remains a Catholic in name only because his mother was Catholic. I see now that I need to be a partner with Rob and not the boss.
A couple of all-too-common (and destructive) myths about selfishness:
1) I frequently come across Christians who have unfortunately been raised to (mistakenly) believe that (a) drawing and maintaining healthy boundaries and/or (b) looking after themselves is 'selfish'.
Self-renouncing (Agape) love is the essential foundational principle of abundant life. As such, it is the guiding principle for all healthy living. This principle means that your focus towards others is to advance their best interests.
Note that this is not the same as giving others what they want. Sometimes another's best interests are in fact served by 'withholding' something they want from you because the thing they want is not actually in their best interests. 'Christian' domestic violence relationships frequently have the 'perpetrator' demanding that they be given what they desire and (wrongly) claiming that withholding such is selfishness.
Phil 2:4 from today's lesson presents a more accurate view. In a healthy scenario, advancing the best interests of the other will also advance your genuine best interests. In an unhealthy scenario, the best interests of one party will be at the expense of the best interests of the other.
2) I also find that many Christians mistakenly believe that taking care of themselves (genuine and healthy self-care) is 'selfish'. This is opposite to the truth. Because we are in the best position to advance another's best interests when we are as healthy as we can be, attending to genuine self-care enables us to best manifest self-renouncing (Agape) love.
Hi Phi,
I agree with you as I see this so much in my line of work. However, I think the lesson is simply but looking at ourselves and our own selfishness and asking God to change our hearts from the inside out. This lesson really spoke to my heart!
Phil, thank you for that. I could not agree with you more. If we do not take care of ourselves spritually, physically and fiscally, we will be in no position to help others when a need arises.
In real selfishness cannot allow us to inherit the kingdom of God but we need to be prayerful and understand the need of helping others