Wednesday: Death and Loneliness
Someone once asked the question: What’s the difference between humans and chickens in regard to the question of death? The answer is that, unlike chickens, who die, we humans, who die, too, know that we will die. Chickens don’t. And it’s this knowledge of our impending death that greatly impacts how we live now.
Image © Lars Justinen from GoodSalt.com
As we know, all relationships, including marriage, sooner or later come to an end in our greatest enemy: death. No matter how close a union, no matter the great love, the deep companionship, the time spent together, as human beings we (unlike chickens) know that sooner or later death will come (unless Jesus returns beforehand) and, when it does, all our relationships will cease. This has been our fate from the first sin and will be so until the return of Jesus.
The Bible doesn’t tell us which of the two, Adam or Eve, died first, but it must have been particularly painful for the other one, especially since death was never supposed to be part of life to begin with. If, as we saw in an earlier lesson, the death of a single leaf caused them to mourn, who could imagine what they went through with a death of a spouse?
The problem is that we are so used to death, we just take it for granted. But it was never supposed to be something that we as humans experienced. Hence, even to this day, we struggle to make sense of it, when, so often, we just can’t.
What do the following texts teach us about death and about how people struggle with it? Isa. 57:1; Rev. 21:4; 1 Thess. 4:17-18; Matt. 5:4; 2 Sam. 18:33; Gen. 37:34.
No question: not only do we all face the reality of our own death, we face the reality of the death of others, of loved ones, of maybe our closest companion. Hence, sooner or later, many of us will face a time, a season, of loneliness brought about by the death of someone else. It’s hard, it hurts, and at such times we can, and often must, just claim the promises of God. After all, in this world of sin, suffering, and death, what else do we have?
| How can your church help those whom you know are suffering loneliness from the death of a loved one? |
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Here is something to think about: How do we relate to those who are lonely because a significant person in their life has committed suicide? The person left behind often has feelings of guilt and because of the stigma attached to suicide, there is the potential that they are left alone by the rest of us.
I also raise the issue of how do we treat those who have been the cause of someone else's death. An all too frequent occurrence these days is where a driver causes an accident where someone is killed.
Both these situations cause a significant loneliness that we should add to the conversation in this context.
My God, my God…why?"
It was the most gut-wrenching cry of loneliness in history, and it came not from a prisoner or a widow or a patient. It came from a hill, from a cross, from a Messiah.
"My God, my God," he screamed, "why did you abandon me!"
Never have words carried such hurt. Never has one being been so lonely. The despair is darker than the sky. The two who have been one are now two.
Jesus knows your pain and your isolations and he is there with you which means your not as alone as you think or feel you are! Which leads us to
Realize That God Is There!
Ezekiel 48:35, gives us an important name of God, Jehovah Shamah, “The Lord Is There” it speaks of His omnipresence, His ability to be every where at once.
I had to face death when I was 5 y-o. My father died in an accident, on his first year as a pastor. At this age, your mind "turns the page" because normally you do not have the real knowledge of what's going on. But to face death can be devastating. I would only really work on this subject again while I was 40 y-o, when my brother-in-law also died in an accident. A bunch of feelings came back and I realize that some of them had been there all my life. Our nephew became partially orphan at the same age as me. Mourning has to be respected and worked on. My wife went into a crisis and because I myself had denied mourning to begin with (did not had the "tools" at 5 y-o), I was not prepared to help. Death marks us forever. But thank God it is not the end of everything. "Death is but a sleep!" Difficult, but it was overcome already. Jesus conquered the eternal death for us. And as we prepare to die everyday, we can also have the HOPE that we can achieve eternity through God's love! That's the only destiny we were designed for. Although death still hangs around, faith in the GRACE has to be a stronger feeling!
I am happy that one day, death, will finally die. I am happy however that there's hope for those who live according to the will of God; there's hope after death.
Maurice, you bring up a very important question. I am a teacher in a high school, and depression and teen suicide are a very real part of my world, both professionally as well as with a relative's family. Despite any personal feelings or beliefs about suicide, or the personal responsibility of a death, I can't help but go back to the thought of how our Lord would treat the loved ones who are affected by tragedies such as these. I can't believe He would turn His back on them, but instead would comfort them lovingly and compassionately. So, then should we; freely, lovingly, and without judgment.
The subject of teen suicide is something I would like to see discussed more openly in our church circles. My own daughter, who I thought held things together pretty well during the teenage years, surprised us by telling us that she had rung Lifeline (the suicide prevention phone in service) for help when she was a teenager.
Looking back on those years in hindsight and talking to my daughter about it, one of the things that helped her was the presence of other significant adults in her life that she could relate to. Parents are the last people that a teenager wants to talk to but they will often relate to grandparents, uncles and aunts, and parents of friends. That is where a vibrant church community can make a real contribution.
You say: "Parents are the last people that a teenager wants to talk to..."
I wonder whether or not this is always as true as parents assume it is, and to the extent that it is true, why. Is the "generation gap" just something to lament, and to reluctantly accept as a fact of life?
I don't think it is always true. What I was trying to point out is that it is important to have significant adults other than parents in teenagers lives. I am a grandparent and our grandsons are always welcome in our house when they feel they need a break from being parented. That does not mean we disagree with the way they are being parented; it just gives them the adult space they need.
I am senior citizen, age 83, India. I am facing problem of Loneliness, Social Isolation, Insecurity etc.
My prayers are with you, Krishnavadan. May God place someone in your life to help fill that void. God says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" Hebrews 13:5 and "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you" 1 Peter 5:7.