Monday: Some Principles for Marriage
Marriage, like the Sabbath, is a gift of God to humanity that goes back to Eden. And, as Seventh-day Adventists, we know what the enemy of souls has done, and is still doing, to both the Sabbath and to marriage. Even the best of marriages are, at times, going to suffer from conflict.
Image © Ron Bell from GoodSalt.com
What follow are a few principles that can help couples work through these issues.
Read Ephesians 1:7. What crucial principle is found here that must be part of any marriage?
You must learn to forgive, especially when your spouse doesn’t deserve it. Anyone can forgive the deserving: in fact, that’s hardly forgiveness. True forgiveness is forgiving those who don’t warrant it, the way the Lord forgives us through Christ. We must do likewise. Otherwise, our marriage, if it survives (which isn’t likely), will seem like purgatory.
Read Romans 3:23. What crucial principle is found here as well?
You must accept that you’re married to a sinner, to a being who has been damaged to some degree emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Get used to it. Accept your spouse’s faults. Pray your way through them. You might have to live with those faults, but you don’t have to obsess over them. If you do, they will eat you alive. A holy and perfect God, through Christ, accepts us as we are: you, who are hardly holy and perfect, must do the same with your spouse.
| Read Philippians 2:4-8. What important principle here, as well, can we use that can help us, not just in marriage, but in all potentially troublesome relationships? |
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This may be off-topic (i.e. not a comment on principles of marriage), but I'm not sure I understand what the lesson author meant by stating:
"Otherwise, our marriage, if it survives (which isn’t likely), will seem like purgatory."
So is purgatory real?
No. The author was using a metaphor.
please explain more ,on what he mean by purgatory in that contest
Its a figure of speech... Christ used plenty of these in His parables
It seems Jesus had the same problem of using words that Roman Catholics have used a lot.
And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;
And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame. Luke 16:22-24.
Give the authors a bit of leeway - they are following Biblical precedent.
Yes, Jesus used a story familiar to his hearers to make a point, and sometimes we wish he had used a different story. 😉 But it made the point very well that situations may look very different in God's eyes.
The lesson author used a term familiar to all readers, and it makes the point very well that marriage without forgiveness makes for a very unhappy situation, though "unhappy" doesn't cover it nearly as well as "purgatory."
being in a marriage with an unforgiving spouse is the real purgatory.
It is said that purgatory is a place of suffering(by definition)so i think the writer is only trying to bring it to the attention of us readers that the unforgiving spouses/heart/persons are likely to live that kind of desperation. Yes they may survive a divorce but endless suffering/desperation.
Ruth 1:16-17,Ephesians 4:32,Ephesians 4:2,1 Peter 4:8,1 Corinthians 13:4-5 and others are only possible to the forgiving heart. My understanding of your question in connection to the author's words.
I agree. The words were not well chosen. First, it may be that a marriage without forgiveness may not survive but I’m not sure, “ it isn’t likely “ needed to be put in parenthesis for emphases. Even though it is being used as a figure of speech, “Purgatory” is just the wrong word to use in an Adventist SS lesson.
Were Jesus' words not well chosen when He used the metaphorof Angels carrying Lazarus to Abraham's bosom in Luke 16? I think we need to relax and not be so intense and uptight, and let Jesus and others use figures of speech.
Agreed. There is just too much "Catholic" suspicions among SDAs. Not healthy.
God puts forth His first principle in Genesis 2:24, says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (or cling) to his wife and they shall become one flesh." Through marriage a couple becomes one joined together. Their love becomes one, therefore they should be for each other in covenant together. The marriage vow is a bending covenant between husband and wife. The covenant is not to be taken lightly. You must work at having a great marriage. There is more than just wanting to have a successful marriage; you must apply Biblical principles to your marriage to have a fulfilling marriage;
1. Commitment- this is of top priority. It is the foundation of a good marriage. If you can't make a commitment, you're not ready for marriage. Your commitment is your vow. God gives the relationship between husband and wife like Christ and the Church. He is totally committed to us. We can't hold back in any area. Jesus must be Lord in every area of your life. The same in marriage, you must totally commit to your spouse. You are to view things as, "Our life together." You must live, work and grow together. It takes a 100% commitment till death do you part. You must work at it. (Numbers 30:2-4) Fulfill your vows.
2. Sacrifice- Sacrifice means giving up what is valuable or precious to you. It means giving up your treasure and giving up your rights. Remember you give up some rights when you make a marriage contract. For example, when you have kids some of your rights are gone. You must sacrifice your feelings, your rights, your money, your time, and your life to your spouse. You must follow the plan of God it brings joy.
3. Understanding- You must be understanding, sympathetic, tolerant of another's thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Take this attitude: I want to understand others before I even consider being understood. When we give out understanding, then we will receive understanding. The principle of giving and receiving. We must understand our wives and husbands and know what they are going through on a daily basis.
4. Trust- To put confidence in, to believe in, to have settled assurance about your spouse's words and actions. Trust and trustworthiness. Trust is built or destroyed over time. If you are prompt and stand by your word you can be trusted. Being on time, and doing what you say, this brings trust. Distrust in a marriage can bring a multitude of problems. You must build on trust and trustworthiness, by giving out trust to your spouse. Trust is a choice. Without trust you cannot have a great marriage. Jealousy breeds all kinds of problems.
5. Communication- Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a way that each one can understand. Both husband and wife have to talk to each other. It is important to communicate. Dont assume the other knows what you are thinking or feeling if you don't communicate. You must express your thoughts. You must talk and communicate.
6. Love- Love is caring. Love is giving with selflessness and without conditions. Love covers, protects, guards and shields. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Love covers a multitude of failures and weaknesses. Love must be one of the main things in every marriage. You will learn to grow in love as the years pass.
Remember: Don't be blinded by love. Don't think you can change someone after you get married. The changes must be done before or look somewhere else. Oh, I'll get him or her saved after we are married. I'll change that after we are married.
all of the above is worthless without the Spirit of Christian Forgiveness. Christian Forgiveness is the foundation of ANY relationship and especially necessary for successful marriages.
"Marriage is a gift." (Although some may think is a terror, rsrs).
But we all can suffer from conflicts! That's normal to humans! The way we react in the conflict, regarding others and ourselves, is most important. Of course we shouldn't live in abusive relationships, but we first need to recognize everyone involved as equal to us! This is a principle that should regulate all relationships, equality! Once we think of ourselves better or worst than others our judgement will definetely fail.
I also liked today's phrase that levels us "True forgiveness is forgiving those who don’t warrant it"... What a powerful thing to do! We should give ourselves this kind of opportunity to freedom!
You all have a great day!
Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”
Peace is pursued in a relationship. It requires work to create that peace.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. – Robert Quillen
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
It takes two good forgivers. It is not a one way street.
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. – Dave Meurer
If we don't learn to enjoy the differences, we will make the marriage the most miserable experience not only for the two of us but all those around us.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.
PURGATORY
It is not mentioned in the Bible but it a teaching that came from pagan tradition.
The word purgatory comes from the word 'purge'
It means you are not quite good enough for heaven yet, but you are going to go through a little bit of burning to get any little sin that might be left burned out.
How long you burn depends on how bad you were. It also depends on how people are praying for you.
A priest can pray or someone can make a donation to the church and get someone out of purgatory (a good church business)
It is a Scheme Of the church to basically capitalize on controlling salvation.
Purgatory does not exist. The forgiveness in the purgatory is a big lie.
excellent, concise commentary on subject of successful marriage. Christian Forgiveness is essential to any healthy relationship.
No, purgatory is not real, but it's a valid word. In this sense, the author is expressing that if there's no forgiveness in marriage, there will be no happiness because people will be walking on eggshells, so to speak. You'll be in mental anguish, constantly languishing about how you've fallen short, and not truly enjoying the joys of marriage
The word purgatory used in our lesson is appropriate. When you are "purging" you feel nauseous and vomiting. You will not be able to tolerate food at all. Without proper nourishment, there is no growth. Same is true in marriage. Without forgiveness, there is no relationship. You feel "nauseous and vomiting"and want to get out in that relationship. Forgiveness is indeed a gift from God and we need to ask Him to give us courage and strength to say to our spouse, "I am sorry, I hurt your feelings."
Marriage is perhaps one of the best places for Christian character development there is. The relationship is intimate and there is no place to hide. Not only do we come face to face with our partners short comings, we have to face the music of our own. When we decide that it is "I" who needs changing and fixing and set about doing that in Jesus, and refrain from seeking to "correct my spouse," a marriage has a real chance of not only surviving, but experiencing true intimacy.