Monday: The Unmarried Life
A young woman told of the advantages of not being married: “Twice I had the opportunity to go serve in the mission field, and I responded without any hesitation”. A married person, with a family, might have had to take a little more time making that decision because it doesn’t just involve them but also their spouse and children.
What are, according to Paul, good reasons for remaining unmarried? 1 Cor. 7:25-34, NKJV.
Image © John Bates Goodsalt.com
Most people think that being married is God’s will for them. Didn’t He say, “it is not good that man should be alone?” And yet, we have many examples in the Bible of people who were not married, including the greatest example of all, Jesus Christ.
Jeremiah was told not to marry (Jer. 16:1-3); it was a judgment on a historical situation. We don’t know if that restriction was ever removed, but it is clear that Jeremiah was a great prophet while he was single.
Also, Ezekiel’s marital status did not seem to be of great importance, even though his wife died suddenly. He was not even allowed to mourn but was to continue on with the ministry the Lord had assigned him (Ezek. 24:15-18). The prophet Hosea also experienced a broken marriage, but was able to continue in ministry. While the story seems strange to us, God told him to go marry a prostitute whom God knew would leave Hosea for other men (Hosea 1:1-3:5). Looking back, we can see God trying to illustrate the onesided love that He has for Israel and for us, but it must have been extremely hard and painful for Hosea to be the object lesson.
In each of these examples, marital status was not an issue. God was interested in the person’s integrity, obedience, and ability to say what God wanted him to say. We need to be sure that our life is not defined by our marital condition. Many voices today will tell us that unless we are married we are not complete. Paul would respond, “Don’t be like the people of this world”. Instead, “offer your bodies to him as a living sacrifice, pure and pleasing” (Rom. 12:1-2, CEV).
| What are practical ways you can minister to those who are unmarried, both church members and non-church members? |
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I am very mindful of the issues of those who are unmarried by choice. We have an unmarried son. To complicate matters we have a married daughter with two grandchildren. They live close by while our son lives some distance away. We provide after-school care for our grandchildren four afternoons a week so we see that side of the family frequently, while we see our son only occasionally.
We do our best to be inclusive and ensure that our son is always included in family functions and that he is kept up with family news. It is not easy, but we make the effort. Fortunately, our grandsons think their uncle is the best. He is the only uncle they have and their youthful inclusion of him in their pranks is always enjoyable.
Singleness, either chosen, or through circumstances in the church environment has its own issues, and as in our family, a real effort needs to be made to be inclusive without being patronizing. There is no "one solution" to the problem; each person has to be treated as an individual.
As we have seen from previous comments, singles often feel disenfranchised from the church and we need to make some effort to ensure that does not happen. I would like to hear some ideas from some of our readers about how they would like to be treated by the church family.
Through interaction with the members in the church, the church or individuals in the church should identify individual needs of the members and henceforth work towards helping them in their single statuses! This would relieve the pain of matchmaking that is common in church today! Let the individual decide not the church forcing on them certain decisions.
Paul makes it clear that if you are single, God can make your situation a blessing rather than bitter if you look to Him to do it. If you are single, take courage and pride in your position because God Himself is your purpose. You have been made for Him. As He says in Isaiah,
“For your husband is your Maker,
Whose name is the Lord of hosts;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
Who is called the God of all the earth.
“For the Lord has called you,
Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,”
Says your God.
Isaiah 54:5-6
When God said "It is not good for man to be alone" I don't think He meant everyone needed to get married. If He did then Jesus failed at being the perfect example. I think what God meant was that man needs a community.
Why did the editors/author choose the title of this lesson as "unmarried"? It reminds me of the many signs I saw growing up in South Africa that said " non-whites"!
If we want to minister to "unmarried" we first need to find a name that is not so condemning!
What are some suggestions? Let's brain storm - single, free, unencumbered, unique, available, dedicated to God, lucky, adventurous,
It seems the church and society expect people to be paired up.
It's ok to think the way you think. But I do not see any problem with the word unmarried, just as there is the word married. The most important thing is not being paired up with a person, but with Jesus. Above all relationships, ours with God must take a place that is unique (as you suggested). Being single or married does not make me better or worst. But being connected to Jesus may make all the difference.
Culture dictates a great deal how we look at our lives. I think most of us belong to a culture where UNmarried is similar to having UNtied shoelaces. These are both dangerous and unsightly. It is a kindness to point out...Your shoes are untied!
I would rather put the emphasis on the 'Individual life'. In a sense, every Christian is married to the Bridegroom, therefore there are no 'singles',etc. The individual life, however, can be lived in so many ways to glorify God...married to a human or not.
You are right Shirley. We don't call married people unsingle.
Good point, Shirley!
It's like calling married people unsingle, unavailable, unsdventurous. 😉
Unmarried seems to taraget those who are not married.
We had a great discussion today on our conference call today.
A friend of mine mentioned, I am a caregiver to my mother; therefore, when I needed to make a decision, I had to think about the well being of my mother before making a commitment.
There is much more to the complication of life regardless of being unmarried or married.
In my personal devotion time I usually study the adult lesson, CQ lesson and the video lesson from amazing facts, 3ABN and others and I find it enriching because I get to view and study the lesson in different levels.
I found the collegiate lesson for todays lesson helpful tool. I wanted to share it and I hope is blessing to other too.
"When Isaiah 56:3 speaks about eunuchs saying, “Behold, I am a dry tree,” it is evoking the grief, heartache, and pain associated with the inability to have children. Just as a dry tree cannot produce more trees, the eunuch cannot produce children. Personal questions on existence, purpose, identity, and destiny naturally arise. Jesus outlines three types of eunuchs: “There are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake” (Matt. 19:12). In other words, some are childless by nature, some by external causality, and some by personal choice.
What Isaiah is describing here is that though the circumstances of nature, chance, or choice have resulted in persons being alone, God offers mourners a special opportunity to be part of the covenant promise, to spread the gospel, and to be part of God’s family that transcends genetic lines. Rather than having only biological children and the “name of sons and of daughters,” the Lord promises a better name, an abundance of spiritual children, disciples from all lands, a climactic spiritual experience in God’s own house, and the end of loneliness and isolation as a dry tree.
You can find the lesson by just clicking on the bar kid &Youth , collegiate and then CQ lesson
This is written out of love I enjoyed the read you said a man needs a community which is very true but that man must have a home aswell and feel at home which it is so hard to do in this days sosiety at times
Reading 1 Corinthians 7, I got the impression that the Apostle Paul is answering questions as to how "married" or "not married" persons (excuse me for using these classifying terms) should behave in face of severe persecution. Paul does not classify people but is simply giving inspired advice as to whether "married" or "not married" Christians will be better off within that crisis. With the absence of such severe persecution, I think Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is offering helpful advice for any married couple.
Winfried Stolpmann
God starts in the making of man with emphasizing singularity that wasn't good. Man needed a companion, one for whom he could intimately relate. Man needed a partner to be with him and share the joys of life. So, God proceeded to make a woman and we have the first couple, the first marriage, the first partnership. Had no sin entered it seems marriage would have been part of everyone's life. But now that sin is part and parcel of our condition we live in a world of brokenness.
That said, singleness isn't a wrong. It isn't a curse. It isn't a blight upon ones existence. For with the child of God they really aren't "single." They have a friend in Jesus. If the single person can but start by acknowledging that being single isn't a bad thing, then perspective is gained that brings a single person into a sort of wholeness. Their singleness is not to be berated or seen as some sort of handicap in the church. No! They are whole people who equally belong in the family of God without loss of "status" among the saints. There is a blessing in singleness.
Let all be treated as important and valued and none need be woeful in their walk with God among the church of God.
I would also like to say that when Paul said that when you are not married you are free from concerns I get to understand him better,as free as I have been,it's been so easier for me to serve in the evangelism ministry without worries that I will be prohibited from leaving