Thursday: Finding Rest After Forgiveness
Joseph’s family finally arrive in Egypt. There are no more dark secrets in the family. His brothers must have admitted to having sold Joseph when they explained to their father that the son he had thought had been killed was now prime minister of Egypt.
While it may not always be possible or wise to restore relationships, this does not mean that we cannot forgive. We may not be able to hug and weep with our offender, but we may want to voice our forgiveness either vocally or through a letter. And then it is time to let go of pain to the utmost degree we can. Perhaps some pain will always remain, but at least we can be on the path to healing.
Read Genesis 50:15-21. What are Joseph’s brothers worried about, and why would they be worried about it? What does this fear say about themselves?
Image © Kim Justinen at Goodsalt.com
Joseph’s brothers had been living in Egypt for seventeen years (Genesis 47:28), and yet, when Jacob died, they were afraid that Joseph would take his revenge. They realized again how much they had hurt Joseph. Joseph reassures them of his forgiveness again, now after their father’s death. This refresher was probably good for Joseph, as well as his brothers.
If the wound is deep, we will probably have to forgive many times. When memories of the wrong come to mind, we will need to go to God immediately in prayer and make the choice to forgive again.
Read Genesis 50:20. How does this verse help explain, at least partially, Joseph’s willingness to forgive his brothers’ sin against him?
Joseph firmly believed that his life was part of God’s big plan to help save the then-known world from famine, and then to help his family fulfill God’s promise to become a great nation. Knowing that God had overruled the evil plans of his brothers to bring about good helped Joseph to forgive.
| Joseph’s story had a happy ending. How do we respond when the ending to a story isn’t so happy? Or, could one argue that (long term, that is) with the end of sin and the end of the great controversy, when all issues are solved — it will be a happy ending? How might this hope help us deal with less-than-ideal endings? |
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Moving on.
About 10 years ago I experienced a retinal detachment. The retina fell off the back of my left eye. I had to rush down to the Sydney Eye Hospital where a vitro-retinal surgeon spotwelded the retina back where it should be. Then he punched a hole in my eye, drained the fluid from it and replaced it with a heavy oil. I know all this because the surgery was done while I was awake. Six weeks later, I was back in hospital to undergo surgery again, this time to remove oil and to allow the eye to refill with body fluid. He saved my sight, but not fully. I have a blurry patch in the central vision of my left eye. It does not bother me too much but I have to be careful when I am driving, not to close my right eye. If I do, all the traffic in front of me disappears.
Now my sight disability is pretty minimal but it was to some extent a life-changing event that I have had to live with ever since. I still visit my surgeon once a year for an inspection. But life goes on. And it has given me a real respect for those who have a serious disability and who live with it. I have a relative who was born oxygen deprived and as a result her life is nowhere near normal. She struggles with health, cannot drive and cannot really live independently. Yet she is an amazing person who thinks of others all the time and does her best to help them. She has moved on in a way that is inspirational to others.
Events that require forgiveness cause scars and some of those scars are lifelong. Broken marriages often cannot be mended. Abuse cannot be undone. Once the water has flowed under the bridge there is no turning it back. While it would be nice for forgiveness to lead to reconciliation, often we have to live on with the consequences and that is where, with God's help, we can move on.
I remember a scene in a movie where a man was sobbing his heart out alone, over a broken relationship that was never going to be fixed. His father found him and put his arm around him in compassion. He said to his son. "Do you remember the time where you were a kid and you broke one of your toys? You would bring it to me and ask me to fix it. Usually we managed to fix it somehow didn't we! Well I cannot fix this one for you. Its beyond my ability, but I am here with you until we get through this."
We often think for "Moving On" as something that the forgiver has to do themselves. Or we will get all spiritual and say that the Holy Spirit will help them to move on. But we need to remind ourselves that the Holy Spirit may want to work through us in offering support and encouragement during the "moving on" process. We may not be able to fix things, but we can be there when needed.
This lesson teaches Us that Disciples have Forgiveness and Forgetfullness. As The LORD forgives Us for our sins and cleanses us from our memory of sin and provides us that we are Born Again because of what The LORD has done at the Cross. cleansing from our memory of the hurt is what only The LORD can provide.
And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said unto David, The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. 2 Sam 12:13.
The Lord forgave David. Did David remember all the wrongs that he did? What were the consequences of his actions?
Answer- Generational curse.
The lesson stated -'Knowing that God had overruled the evil plans of his brothers to bring about good helped Joseph to forgive.'
Question - what about when we/family do not know the purpose for others doing us wrong? How does forgiveness work in such instances and ever another forgiveness as Joseph?
The lesson stated - 'If the wound is deep, we will probably have to forgive many times. When memories of the wrong come to mind, we will need to go to God immediately in prayer and make the choice to forgive again.'
There is something known as phantom pain- its psychological in nature. E.g someone had a part of their body injured (arm or leg) and suffered with pain for months as a result of the injury. The doctor removed the injured body part but that person still complaint of pain to that same leg for sometime despite the leg was removed. How can that be possible, but it is real (ask someone who had chronic pain to their leg and it was removed, they will tell you).
So is pain when someone hurts us. To me, pain and forgiveness occurs from the same center in our brain. If the pain is there, the more difficult the forgiveness, as the pain eases, we gradually let go of the hurting until we can see the scar but the hurting is no more there.
God has placed those formerly wicked brothers where they will appreciate the mercy extended to them, where they would learn why Joseph is exalted over them because of his faith, integrity, and forgiveness toward those who so horribly mistreated him. God will always prosper the righteous who walk in His ways(Ps 1:1-3).
God, whom Joseph trusted with all his heart, was working though every event for the good of all. This is the God we may “fear...give glory...and worship” today(Rev 14:6,7).
Whatever the ending in this life, the final and eternal outcome for all who place their entire trust in God will be as promised. Eden and the whole earth will be restored to a higher state than when it was fresh and free of sin from the Creator's hand. "But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace"(Ps 37:11).
The life of Joseph as recorded in scripture shows that he had a very close relationship with his God. From the time he was very young he was taught about the love of God. It is the only way he could have endured the trials that came to him, and the forgiveness to those who hurt him.
A lesson for all of us as parents to remember to show and tell our family of God’s great love for each of us. This includes God’s forgiveness to each.
Today's lesson does well to hilight that forgiveness is not automatically a once-off choice. Rather, it is a commitment that each time reminders resurface, forgiveness will be the response of choice.
Today's lesson also proposes in the last paragraph that Joseph's offering of forgiveness was made more possible because Joseph saw that things turned out alright after all. Whether or not this was a factor in Joseph's forgiveness, we can only surmise. Personally, I suspect Joseph's motivation for forgiveness was significantly deeper than what is being suggested - a reflection of Joseph as a metaphorical type of Christ.
The deepest basis from which it is possible to forgive is forgiveness offered to another purely as a beneficent gift. This is because forgiveness is an expression of self-giving love that seeks to advance the best interests of another (1 Corinthians 13:5 principle).
God's nature and character is beneficent love - and beneficent love forgives. Therefore, God 'just forgives' - period (Luke 23:34; Luke 15:21-24). And, therefore, I believe Joseph also 'just forgave' his brothers - period.
Asking myself ‘what is at rest after forgiveness’, I came up with only one answer – the heart; I am fairly sure that most of us can attest to this as well. Through experience I have learned that forgiving is only the beginning of the process of healing. I believe the act of forgiveness is one of the greatest expressions of love; it restores 'life' to the relationship.
God forgave whiles we where yet sinners, we can forgive whiles our brother or sister is not yet fully reconciled with us - Psalm103:10-12KJV.
I think the effects of actively practicing forgiveness goes way beyond the individual’s own life’s betterment; it is the ‘Balm of Gilead’ which would also heal the nations if liberally applied.
Joseph did not have 20/20 hindsight, but his heart had 20/20 foresight; once set on the right course by the Grace of God, God’s ways became his ways. To give ‘Rest’ to the weary souls is the fulfillment of God’s ultimate promise – Matt.11:28-30KJV; again - it started with forgiveness.
I thought this may relate to our lesson study. https://ssnet.org/blog/7-as-of-reconciliation/