Thursday: Marriage Today
From what we have seen in Ezra and Nehemiah about this issue of mixed marriages, it’s clear that God takes marriage seriously, and that we should, as well. We should prayerfully consider a potential marriage partner, and include God in the decision-making. And we should decide to be faithful to God’s principles, which can protect us from much sadness and misery.
Image © Kevin Carden at Goodsalt.com
Look up how Paul was dealing with this issue when a Christian had an unbelieving spouse. Study carefully 1 Corinthians 7:10-17. How should we approach marriages that are unequally yoked today?
Because we have no elaborate command in the Bible on what to do with interfaith marriages, it would be very unwise and run against the intention of the text and its principles to insist that separating from the unbelieving spouse is the right approach and, based on this account by Ezra, must be recommended. Ezra-Nehemiah’s situation was a one-time event and according to God’s will (Ezra 10:11), because the future and worship of the whole community of Israel was at risk. They were losing their identity as worshipers of a living God.
We know that in the Jewish Elephantine settlement in Egypt (contemporary with Ezra and Nehemiah), the leaders allowed intermixed marriages and shortly developed a mixed religion with Yahweh and his pagan consort, the goddess Anat. Additionally, the messianic line was in danger. Therefore, this one-time event shouldn’t be taken as a prescription for the breaking up of marriages and families whenever a believer marries an unbeliever. Instead, the account does demonstrate the high value God places on equally yoked partnership in marriage. Satan is happy when we end up married to a person who does not encourage devotion to God, because he knows that if both spouses have the same conviction, then they will be stronger in their mission work for God than if just one is faithful.
While the Bible clearly counsels against unequally yoked marriages (2 Cor. 6:14), we also find passages of extended grace to those who have made a different choice. God empowers those who have married unbelievers to be faithful to God and their spouses. God doesn’t abandon us even when we make choices contrary to His will, and if we ask Him for help, He will provide it. This doesn’t mean that we do whatever we want and then expect God to bless us nevertheless, but rather that when we come to Him with a need and a humble heart, He always hears. Without God’s grace there would be no hope for any of us, because we are all sinners.
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To me, the difference between Ezra's and Paul's attitudes about unequally yoked marriages is that in Ezra's situation the people were already believers when they married unbelievers. They intentionally chose to disregard the counsel to only marry believers. In Paul's day you had people who both married as unbelievers but later one would hear the gospel and believe while the other one would not. They never chose as a believer to marry an unbeliever, but were already married to an unbeliever when they first believed. These are the ones Paul is talking to when he tells them to stay married and try to win the spouse over to the truth. So Paul and Ezra do not contradict each other. They are both addressing two separate situations.
Agreed. The problem in Israel was systemic from the priest to Levites etc
Leaving God as your first love and worshipping other Gods has consequences and this was evidenced by who they were marrying. The same goes for us today individually and collectively.
I think more folk feel disenfranchised from the church about their treatment over marital issues than anything else. So many times, I have seen the "big stick" of punishment used rather than compassion and understanding. I hear a lot about "We should be doing this" and "we should not allow that" when it comes to relationships. Try talking to an 18 year old who has made or is about to make a bad choice and see how far you get with them with biblical and Spirit of Prophecy quotes.
I could give story after story of young people who have made bad choices and who have felt judged, shunned or punished by the church when they are hurting the most.
My wife, Carmel, is a primary teacher, very experienced in the ways of children, and she reminds me that there is not much point to punishing a child when they have made a mistake. In their own mind they are probably punishing themselves already. What they need is a good hug to let them know that they are loved and that you are still there to help them when needed.
Older folk are not that much different to children in that respect. They need to know that what they have done has not cut them off from love and compassion. I know that some folk will say, "but there are some folk that still need punishment in order to teach them a lesson." That may be so in some situations, but we really need to get the compassion thing right first.
One example: Joanne was a singer of some repute and often led out in Church singing groups. She made a mistake and had a child out of wedlock. She was repentant but because she was tainted, the church stopped her from singing up the front in Church, something she was passionate about. The ban lasted for several years, and feeling spurned by her own church she found another where she could express her love for Jesus by singing.
If we get the compassion right, then we will get the discipline right. Our disenfranchised folk need a hug right now. There is no point in keeping the church pure if everyone is leaving.
I will quote it again:
Maurice, Jesus always used Scripture when reasoning with people. How do you think Jesus would reason with an 18 year old getting ready to make a bad decision?
That is a fair enough question, but I think that if there was a recorded conversation between Jesus and a wayward teenager, scripture would not have been used to frighten them into good behaviour. Jesus does quote scripture in his recorded discussions but the most compelling argument was that he lived consistently with those scriptures.
When I was a student teacher in a Church school, a student miss-behaved and being a Christian teacher, I started quoting scripture to the student to inform them why they were wrong and what they should do about it. Fortunately, I had a wise mentor and she let me say my piece to the student. She sat down with me and asked me how I thought it went. I was pretty smug and said I thought I had nailed it. Suffice it to say, she gently let me down and essentially told me that Bible talk should be left for encouragement rather than correction. She reminded me that we teachers have a heavy responsibility in developing the relationship between students and scripture. She was a very wise lady and years later, I actually taught in the same school as her. She was still the same - living Christianity. I think she modelled what Jesus would have done.
Definitely Jesus did not use the Scriptures to frighten people. Love was His motivation and not fear. 2 Timothy 3:16 says the Scriptures are profitable for correction but always in love, and not as a weapon to frighten people.
I appreciate your story and I have had similar experiences.
dear william:
i am curious about the distinction that you make between the situation in ezra/nehemiah (intentional entering into mixed marriages) versus paul's day (marriages becoming mixed because one partner became a christian). would you say that if an sda today intentionally married a non-christian (or even a non-sda christian), in order to further their relationship with God, the sda should separate from their spouse? the indication in one of the lessons was that the marriages in ezra/nehemiah were not legitimate marriages because of the "mixing"; would you say the same in this day?
Dear Natalie,
2 Timothy 3:16 reads, "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness."
I think one in that situation would have to carefully follow the counsel in Ezra 10:11. "Now therefore, make confession to the Lord God of your fathers, and do His will; separate yourselves from the peoples of the land, and from the pagan wives.”
I respect the observation of the editor of today's lesson that it was a one time event, but I also realize there are many parallels between Old Testament events and last day events. At what point do unwise relationships tamper with the integrity of the Adventist message and make us lose our identity?
As a happy, loved, productive single person I just wish others were not so desperate to get married that they place themselves in such peril.
Whatever situation Paul is writing to, I know his counsel is infinitely greater than any counsel I would share, but I am also sure that even Paul never intended for his counsel to put ones personal salvation or the integrity of the Gospel at risk.
"Hundreds have sacrificed Christ and heaven in consequence of marrying unconverted persons. Can it be that love and fellowship of Christ are of so little value to them that they prefer the companionship of poor mortals." -Ellen White, Letters to Young Lovers page 81.
Hi Maurice!
i'm loving the discussions.
i'm Daniel from UGANDA-AFRICA and this is how i always read the lesson by looking these discussions..
how are you?
Hello Daniel,
I do the same. Most times, the comments give clarity, and additional insight on the days lesson.
Happy Sabbath, Happy holidays, and new year everyone.
(So happy to know you...Inge, William E., Maurice "makes it clear" Ashton, Shirley d. B., and Robert Whiteman) I look forward to studying with each of you in the earth made new.
I have found it interesting to discover the difference of how the LORD deals with situations when it is an individual or His People as a group.
To belong to a group each must agree to live by the Principles that define the group or leave the group.
We see this with Ezra and Nehemiah, those who had sworn an oath to be the LORDs people and to live by His Principles had now departed from the Principles and could either leave the group or rectify their error. Otherwise their example would lead others to make the same choices and it would in fact change the character of the group and who they chose as their Leader.
When the LORD is dealing with an individual's relationship with Him apart from a group He reads the heart and acts accordingly.
See Ananias and Sapphira who dropped down dead (group) or the woman caught in adultery who was told to go and sin no more (individual).
Principle of this decree must be taken into consideration.
In the story of Hagar God himself tells Hagar to return unto Sara.
The same God tells Abraham to send Hagar away with her child.
Why? Ishmael was going to be the thorn on the side of Isaac.
When a relationship with our God is compromised, God will require us to put the compromising relationship away.
From our eyes what Ezra did was unthinkable; however, Jesus takes the separation one step further by saying,
in the book of Matthew if your right eye causes you to sin gouge it out (take it out separate it from your body).
Why? He want us to understand the gravity of sin. Even if its your body severe it so the body can remain full of light.
Whatever is causing you to sin, take the drastic measure necessary to get rid of the sin from your life.
God takes sin very seriously that He has given us His only begotten to redeem us from that sin.
Heaven risked all in giving us Jesus Christ.
Why should we evangelize,if we have nothing better to offer to the world.
What is sweet as honey in your mouth can turn sour if faith is not the binding cord in that relationship.
This weeks lesson teaches there may come a time a person who have intermarried has to chose between serving God and obeying our earthly relationship.
Matthew 10: 21-23
21 Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rise against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone on account of My name, but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved. 23 When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next. Truly I tell you, you will not reach all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes
In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
Winston Churchill
Discernment of truth is very crucial in a war. It can decide the victory of the army.
You cannot discern the truth when you are surrounded by the body guards of lies.
Holy Spirit guide my thoughts aright.
After reading many parts of the bible I came to realized I never met a bible scholar who can explain marriage and its true meaning in the bible (neither myself am not a scholar). Marriage and its meaning, the whys, the hows, the why nots, etc, goes deeper than anyone understands. Marriage was first Physically introduced in Genesis with a male and a female. Marriage in Revelation closes with Christ/male and his bride/the church. As a couple, both male and female supposed to be kept pure and clean until the say, I do. But Jesus came and explain what comprises adultery. Marriage must be beyond our understanding. Different churches discipline differently, but many times it is the female who suffers and not the male although both might be from the same congregation. Marriage is sacred and holy thats why we cant just get marry and divorce.
what is the explaination on the marriage of Hosea to the prostitute. Why did God allow it
To represent the children of Israel “marrying” false religion. and prostituting against God.
Yes Rozann & Jessy, an object lesson, like the whole temple system was an object lesson of the plan of salvation.
Also read Ezekiel 16, and the many times the LORD told Jeremiah to do certain things as object lessons, also read Eze 4:6 and Num 14:34.
There are always consequences to our choices, either positive or negative.
What I have discovered in the Word is that sometimes the consequence is immediate but often it is delayed
Ps 37:1-3, 9-11, 18-20
But the best news is if we repent
Ps 32:1-2 the LORD is willing to forgive and take the consequence for us 2Cor 5:21 and to give us a clean heart 2Cor 5-17, Ps 51:10,6-7
Jesus does not condone bad choices but if we repent He is willing to forgive.
This is our example of how to treat those who have made bad choices.
JUST SOME FEW MORE EVENTS.
When Absalom went to his father's concubines,David took them and shut them up in a house under guard until the day of their death. 2 Samuel 20:3.
When Judah realized that he slept with his son's wife, he never made love to her again. Gen 38:26
When Reuben defiled his father's bed ,do you think his father went back to that bed again?
Hagar was sent away and the only thing she inherited from Abraham the rich patriarch was bread and water.
Mathew 19:29 Jesus is talking about those who have forsaken their wives and children for his sake, what does he mean by forsaking?
Thank God for all the counsels on the Bible about relationships. We have to remember that in several situations, the "environmental" history may display a different reality, but the subject still can be studied and applied to us today. Thank God for the messages found in the Scriptures, He has not left us without information. And surely, the most important of all is that God means love, and He is anxiously waiting for the definite wedding day to bind Jesus and His church for ever! Let us prepare for that day!
I would’ve liked the writer to also include those couples where a spouse accepts the faith. Which now makes them unequally yoked. All unequally yoked couples did not start that way. Paul mentions those who are also called.
When my husband joined the church our life had some hard spots for two years. I call that period of our lives World War III. But he was patient with me and I’m certain he was praying a lot. It was a one-sided war but really vocal and our oldest child remembers that period. I am ashamed that I did some of my fighting in front of the children.
It is hard to listen while yelling, so when I finally quit fighting enough to listen to the Lord my husband was astonished when I wanted to go to an evangelistic series.
I praise the Lord that we both were committed to our marriage and that we are again unified. Not as a worldly couple but as Adventist Christians. I joined the church 33 years ago.
I believe Paul was talking to those like my husband, who already had a wife when he became a believer. Ezra and Nehemiah were talking to those who were already in the church when they married.
I do not understand 1 Cor. 7:14. What does it mean when Paul says the unbeliever is sanctified by the believing spouse? I also don't understand the last part of the verse about your children being unclean or holy? Are there any scriptures I can read to help me understand this verse?
I searched the New testament but there are no similar verses. I used the blue letter bible search.
The word holy in Greek mean Hagios. The word is also the same word as saints. They would be acceptable before God.
Here are some verses that may explain the context.
Heb 3:1 - Wherefore, holy G40 brethren, partakers of the heavenly calling, consider the Apostle and High Priest of our profession, Christ Jesus;
Rom 12:1 - I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, G40 acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
Eph 1:4 - According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy G40 and without blame before him in love:
A person is changed by having the presence of the living God in their life, that is, a person is being made holy by the presence of the Lord in what they think and say and do. So if a person decides to keep staying in the presence of God, they are being sanctified by his presence.
By analogy, I think of 1 Corinthians 7:14 this way: If the unbelieving spouse keeps deciding to stay with the believing spouse, that spouse is being sanctified by presence of God in the believing spouse. Similarly, the sanctifying presence of the Lord in that family also sanctifies the children.
The family can be a happy home as long as the unbelieving spouse keeps deciding to stay with the believing spouse who is in the presence of Jesus.
Today's lesson was a perfect end to this week's discussion. Places everything in perspective.
The Bible is the story of the relationship between God and mankind. That relationship is based in God’s love, and love’s foundation is freedom to choose to love or not. Relationship between free moral agents is a dynamic living thing. God has been changed by his relationship with his children and we have been changed by that relationship. Love entails huge risk because it changes and develops over time. Will the person that I love now be the same next year, the same in a decade, the same in a lifetime? Will I be the same over time? Will God? Obviously not. Everyone is changed by love.
A love covenant is a commitment made knowing this truth about relationship and being willing to accept risk. That commitment is the willingness to work out love with another person through all the change, and at the end of life, being able to say “We made it to each moment along the way in spite of ourselves because of our commitment to love each other.” Jesus made the commitment and crossed the finish line at the cross. We just fix our eyes on him who is the Way, the Truth and the Life of Love, and his love will pull us through to the end.
We expect too much of human love and too little of the Love of Jesus.