Wednesday: The Friend as Enemy
The Friend as Enemy
If we are more disappointed by our friends than by our enemies, it is because we expect good from our friends and evil from our enemies. It doesn’t always work out that way, though, does it? That’s why Proverbs warns us that sometimes a friend behaves like an enemy, and an enemy like a friend.
Read Proverbs 27:5-6. When can rebuke be a sign of love?
Image © Darrel Tank from GoodSalt.com
Love is not just about kisses and sweet words. Love will sometimes oblige us to rebuke our friend or our child, and it can run the risk of appearing unpleasant, judgmental, and critical. We might even lose friends if we speak out. Yet if we do not warn our friends about what they are doing, especially if it will bring them harm, then what kind of friend are we?
Open rebuke is also a sign that our love is not built on illusion and pretension, but is based on truth and on trust.
Read Proverbs 27:17. What can be the effect of confrontation between friends?
The image of iron sharpening iron suggests a reciprocal benefit. Friendship tested by true confrontation will improve not only the quality of the friendship but also stimulate and strengthen both personalities. The respective weapons will gain in efficiency. We will end up more equipped for our future struggles. People who take refuge in themselves and their own ideas only, and never confront the challenge of different views, will not grow in knowledge or in character.
Have you ever been rebuked for something that could have really hurt you? Suppose you hadn’t been warned about it? Keeping this in mind, if you need to do the same for someone else, how can you do it in a redemptive manner, rather than in a judgmental and critical way?
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I have found this to be true.
Real Love for a person will convict you to tell them the truth to someone you love even if it hurts their feelings. There are many examples where Jesus spoke the truth in love to those whom he cared for.
I knew this verse (Prov 27:5) abt 15yrs ago from a high sch friend who used it to rebuke for any wrong done to her.
I think that in many instances "open rebuke" is used to just point to ourselves, how the other person has injured me without pointing to them to their problem which if taken care of will be for their good character and they will not injure many others.
Open rebuke is better than secret love in that it must pain becos it will:
1. not compliment sin but
2. it will promote the good of the other.
This as opposed to ending at condemning them which may just leave them injured without helping them - nullifying the "betterness" of open rebuke.
We must pray for guidance of God befo rebuke or else it wudnt serve the intended purpose; we must pray for benefit of rebuke (tho painful) to be realised and v17 "iron sharpeneth iron" will be true, that we can benefit each other even thru a painful process
THE REVIEW AND HERALD
July 25, 1893
"In whatever way the matter is dealt with, unless the mind and heart of the people are under the direct influence of the Spirit of God, Satan will make subtle suggestions in such a way that his agency is not recognized, and whatever is said and done in the way of reproof, admonition, or instruction, will be misapplied or misinterpreted. ...Unless this mistake is corrected, disastrous results will ensue. ...He says, “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten; be zealous therefore and repent.” Those who need reproof bring sorrow and grief upon the soul of him who must correct their errors; but though his message be painful to him, he dare not neglect his work. "
Correct with love.
The lesson today is so amazing applied not only for friends but for any relationship such as husband and wife. Today as I finished my study, I came to my husband asking for forgiveness for any confrontation any denial for whatsoever rebuke, critics towards me although I knew they were for the benefits of myself. Amazing lesson!
I have had to correct a friend and it pained my heart to see her suffer more in our confrontation. Yet, months later she came and told me "I wish I had listened to you." The damage had been done, but she learnt her lesson and hopefully will not make the same mistake. Confronting our friends with truth might be painful, but it pays off in the long run.
Word jesters and our action usually bring about reaction, that's why we need to be careful with our words. Life and death is in the power of our tongue we can speak life or we can speak death. Its nothing wrong with correction but when done in Love it gives Life. As Christians its good to remember to pull the mote out of our own eyes that way we can see clearly how too help others.
To me the biggest question in this lesson is, "how can you do it in a redemptive manner, rather than in a judgmental and critical way?" Even just presenting truth that is not a rebuke has problems along this line. It is so easy to misinterpret what others are saying.
What I don't like is what has been called "tough love" because it has been abused and through that abuse a lot of damage has been done. Each person reacts differently to different stimulus. There has always been the stick people and the candy people. While a simple suggestion will work with some people a 2X4 broken over the back of others won't even faze them. That is also why I don't care for the generalization of discipline that our society seems to think is right (Pro 14:12). I have seen too many incidences where the children control the parents rather than the other way around because parents are afraid to do any real discipline for fear of litigation.
Maybe that is why i find my self with only a hand full of friends. Because i tend to be way to honest on how i see things. Nowadays people dont want honesty they want political correctness.
You are right most of us do not like honesty if it hurts. Just as most dont like a bad tooth pulled even when we are in immense pain. However, it is always easier to sit for a trained dental surgeon, than for a "quack" who was never trained to pull teeth, regardless of how well he means.
Frank, sometimes we answer our on questions. To have friends one must show himself friendly . And their is a friend that is closer than a brother a true friend we call him Jesus.
I appreciate my husband because he allowed the Holy Spirit to lead and guide him in what to say to me. The other day he suggested that I cook before going to work so that I will not have to cook once I get home. (between 7-8pm Mon-Fri) I rebelled at first, but later followed through with his recommendation. I am so thankful that God used my husband to speak to me. This may seem to be a small recommendation, but to me, it is very huge. I no longer have the pressure of rushing home to prepare a meal. I thanked my husband for listening to God and giving me this recommendation even though he knew that I may not accept his advice at first.
The part where honesty, confrontation and rebuke play in friendship/family is usually what breaks or creates weak spots so to speak in the relationship in my observation. We come to our friends/family for anything. They are our oasis in the middle of the desert. But there is a point where we must know when to rebuke or correct someone. It is really hard to accept a correction when you are at your lowest point. We are running the risk of hurting ourselves even more when we go to a wrong person.
As the oldest sibling of four, I feel concerned when I hear that any of my younger brothers make bad decisions or is in some trouble. I don't hold my peace when it comes to giving them advice and warning. It raises my adrenalin level and I pick up the phone right away. At times they are fine with my advice and other times they just stop the conversation. That is when they wanted to follow their own way instead of working things with me. So I feel very unhappy when they do that. They should make an effort to communicate with me as any relationship should. For now I guess I should just leave it as it is. One day they will realize how important it is to maintain good relationship.