Wednesday: Making it Practical
In order to forgive, I must admit that I have been hurt. This can be hard to do, as we are sometimes more inclined to try to bury our feelings rather than work through them.
Acknowledging unchristian feelings of resentment and even anger before God is fine. We see this often expressed in the Psalms. I can feel free to tell God that I didn’t like what happened or how I was treated and that it makes me sad or angry or both.
Image © Stan Myers at Goodsalt.com
In Joseph’s story, we see him crying as he sees his brothers again and relives some of the feelings of his past.
What does Jesus’ declaration on the cross tell us about the timing of forgiveness? Read Luke 23:34.
Jesus didn’t wait for us to ask for forgiveness first. We do not have to wait for our offender to ask for forgiveness. We can forgive others without having them accept our forgiveness.
What do Luke 6:28 and Matthew 5:44 teach about how we relate to those who hurt us?
Forgiveness, like love, begins with a choice rather than a feeling. We can make the choice to forgive, even if our emotions may not agree with this decision. God knows that in our own strength this choice is impossible, but “with God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27). This is why we are told to pray for those who have hurt us. In some cases, this person may have already died, but we can still pray for the ability to forgive him or her.
No question, forgiveness isn’t always easy. The pain and the damage done to us can be devastating, leaving us hurt, crippled, broken. Healing will come, if we allow it, but holding on to bitterness and anger and resentment will make healing much harder, if possible at all.
The Cross is the best example of what it cost God Himself to forgive us. If the Lord can go through that for us, even though He knew that so many would, nevertheless, reject Him, then we certainly can learn to forgive, as well.
| Whom do you need to forgive — if not for that person’s sake, then for your own? |
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It is significant that the lesson today discusses the issue of handing the situation where forgiveness is not accepted. In Joseph's story forgiveness was accepted and the family reunited. We do not know what would have happened if the brothers had not accepted Joseph's forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not something that we offer as a bargaining chip for repentance and restitution. Jesus forgave those who were gambling for his clothes at the foot of the cross. They quite probably had no idea about forgiveness. They were only interested in "winners and losers".
Jesus asks us to love our enemies and pray for people who curse you. That is a tough ask when you have been impacted by their actions. This is not about praying for the people overseas who the government says are our enemies. It is about the people who you interact with every day and can include family members. And in those circumstances forgiveness may mean tough decisions like removing yourself from their influence.
Living forgiveness is tough, and it is even tougher when those you forgive do not accept the offered forgiveness. How do we help those in that situation?
Luke23:33-34KJV - ”And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left. Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
This Truth has resonated with me throughout my life; it became the cornerstone for entrusting the final resolving of an issue into the hands of God.
Christ Jesus addresses with His plea to His Father the spiritual wellbeing of those who cause His death and does not address the agony of His physical death and dying; I know that something deeper, something spiritual and essential to our Salvation is being worked out in the act of His request for our forgiveness; forgiven by the Creator of all Life who asks us to forgive in return.
We who live our life according to the Faith of Christ, believe that we have been forgiven by the mere fact that the Son asked His Father to forgive us our sin - sin, whose effects we do not fully understand, sin which has placed Him on the cross to die.
Making the Father’s forgiveness practical, we can now live freely a life which is covered by the Grace of God. Though our imperfection challenges our relationship with the heavenly Father, we are assured that He hears and forgives the repentant heart reaching out to Him for forgiveness.
Because of the Father granting His Son's request to forgive us our sin, we can now live our new life in Him.
Ultimately, I understand active, practical ‘forgiveness’ to be the disposition of one’s heart and the frame of one’s mind. Learning to understand and appreciate God’s Truth of Grace, will bring to the forefront the preciousness of life, its fragility, the care we need to take to be circumspect in all we do, think, feel. Our compassion for our fellow man prompts us to want to quickly set things right, and the never-ending love of the heavenly Father is longsuffering, patient, and eager to heal us.
The Truth about the power of Forgiveness appears theoretical when writing about it; but I know it is true because I receive and experience its blessings daily!
Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
Is forgiveness only applicable when you don't know what you're doing?
Matthew 6:12,14,15 says forgive. There are no qualifiers.
Thank you Gale. Yes, There are no qualifiers
We often seem to forget this when it comes to our condition. God didn't wait to forgive us until we apologized, repented, or stopped sinning (Romans 5:8). This is the definition of grace.
What does this say about how we should forgive others?
In Joseph’s story, we see him crying as he sees his brothers again and relives some of the feelings of his past. I wondered if he cried because of feelings from the past, OR was it, in spite of all he had been through, he was overjoyed to see family again. I imagine he thought they was lost to him forever. My next question then is, if he had truly forgiven them would he relive those feelings again when he sees them? As Maurice Ashton said forgiveness is tough. But it's something we all must master if we expect to see Jesus face with peace. It does take a weight off your shoulders when you forgive. I envision it as taking burden to the foot of the cross and setting it at Jesus feet. He has already paid the price for that offense, I haven't the authority to expect not try to extract payment again.
If you held any vindictive feelings toward an offender for that many years, would you cry, embrace, and kiss them after sharing a nice meal together?
Those tears prove the power of being forgiving in nature, and that the forgiveness toward his brothers was real. We also must realize what took place when Potiphar and especially, his wife, received the news of Joseph's becoming the ruler of Egypt. Do you think Joseph made sure to calm their fears? Remember, he acknowledged that God was leading in every event of his life, for this greater purpose of saving life.
The sanctified life includes forgiveness toward all. Are there any Jesus would not forgive?
Robert, No I would not cry, embrace and kiss them. If I had not forgiven them. I agree with you BUT disagree with the authors statement "In Joseph’s story, we see him crying as he sees his brothers again and relives some of the feelings of his past"
In my reading of this passage in Scripture, I get the impression that Joseph's tears are in thankfulness for his brothers' change of heart. I wouldn't be surprised if his tears were also for joy in seeing his brothers after so long. And I tend to agree with you, Myron, that based on the biblical narrative, Joseph probably was not feeling the pain of his brothers' past treatment.
Forgiveness is a Divine attribute which those who have denied “ungodliness and worldly lusts” to “live soberly, righteously, and Godly in this present world”(Titus 2:12), will exhibit when others offend. This will be demonstrated by being as one who sees not and hears not when offenses are committed against them, and does not wait to be entreated in order to be forgiving. Being forgiving cannot be outside of our everyday experience, and applied only as we see fit. Either we, like Christ, are forgiving, or we are not. Being forgiving becomes second-nature to all who have become "partakers of the divine nature"(2 Pe 1:4).
Those redeemed from sin will exercise the same mercy toward others as God has shown them. All who live godly in Christ Jesus will demonstrate the goodness of God toward their fellow man.
"Whom do you need to forgive...?"
Any and all who may need forgiveness. There are no exceptions for any who have taken Jesus' yoke upon them, and wish to be forgiven of their sin.
Today's lesson asks, "whom do you need to forgive?" When forgiving someone comes easy, we don't really need to understand what forgiveness actually is and how it 'works'. But when forgiving someone seems 'blocked', then it is more necessary to understand what is going on. What actually is forgiveness? And what is it not?
Yesterday's lesson stated, "Forgiveness has been defined as the willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, condemnation, and revenge toward an offender or group who acts unjustly." Unfortunately, this is too narrow a view of what forgiveness functionally is.
From a biblical perspective, forgiveness most broadly is being willing to help someone become disentangled from their destructive attitude, thoughts or behaviours to another. And that disentangling is for the purpose of fostering restoration and return to 'rightness' (ie righteousness) - as per Galatians 5:1; Luke 5:32; Romans 1:5 principle.
This is not the same as saying we are merely turning someone loose so they can go on inflicting more damage. Where such is the situation, it is not that we are unwilling to offer forgiveness, it is that the other person is unwilling to constructively receive and use the forgiveness we are offering. This is where Jesus's seemingly strange saying in Matthew 7:6 makes sense: Do not throw your pearls down in front of pigs in case they trample those pearls and turn instead turn and tear you to pieces. And this is what God is referring to when He says He will "by no means clear the guilty" (Exodus 34:7) - He will not 'clear' (heal and restore) those who do not want to be healed and restored. Circumstances of ongoing abuse are an example of this kind of situation.
Consequently, forgiveness is something we are always prepared to offer someone else. But sometimes the other is not in a position to wisely use that offer of forgiveness for beneficial and restorative purposes. Where this is the case, discernment and wisdom need to be exercised: I forgive you, but that does not mean I will set you free to keep on abusing.
Does forgiveness include reconciliation?
What if the person who offended you expects your forgiveness to include reconciliation and if it doesn't, to them this is not true forgiveness?
Reconciliation is far different than forgiveness. Matthew 5:24 says to be reconciled to the one who has something against you. I think of this as a one time action. I broke and did not repay. I offended and did not apologize. But that indicates that the person realizes that he/she did wrong - and thus is repentant. A very different situation than being accused or caught and wanting to once again look good.
It also doesn’t command the abused to reconcile
But reconciliation is a 2 sided activity. And the abused should NEVER be forced, coerced, shamed or counseled (by a counselor or Pastor) into reconciliation.
More than once I’ve seen this used just so the abuser could “do it all over again” only better.
May we be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.
I’m sure that I’ve had more experiences with abuse (child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, elder abuse) than most because of what I do. But just as Satan was beautiful, often abusers have an ohhh so attractive personality. In fact, we described pedophiles as “a pillar of the community”.
Totally agree!
God would not require us to risk re-traumatization or abuse as a means of effecting reconciliation. I believe He wants us to reconcile to HIM through our acts of forgiveness, allowing Him to bear any burden of reconciliation between people/families/groups/etc.
The next part would be to pray that the abuser would be able to "continue to work out your (his) salvation with fear and trembling" Phil 2:12
Our ultimate hope is that "we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God, as we mature to the full measure of the stature of Christ." Eph 4:13
"Does forgiveness include reconciliation?"
My understanding of 'reconciliation' is that it cannot be accomplished by only one party. Reconciliation requires two or more to come to an agreement to be reconciled. (reconciled = negotiated agreement of peace)
God, through Jesus Christ has made available to each of us forgiveness and reconciliation, if we are willing to be reconciled.
In Matthew 18:21-35 a debtor when he ask for time, is forgiven all that debt and reconciled, however when he is unfogiving of his debtor, casting him into prison till all the debt is repaid, he himself is thrown into prison till all that is due to the king is repaid.
Can it truly be forgiveness if there is no potential of reconciliation? Of what value would God's forgiveness be if it didn't include the potential of reconciliation? ...."be ye reconciled to God".... 2 Corinthians 5:17-21
Does forgiveness include reconciliation?
Forgiveness doesn't require reconciliation, when jesus died for us, He said to His Father to forgive us because we didn't know what we were doing, how then could we have reconcile with our father by then? It was after the death of jesus is when we were reconciled
back to the father, I cant reconcile with my offender if he or she does not know what they have done, they have to know what they have done first, like you forgive, and then explain what had happened later and why you forgave them, then is when you people reconcile.
We forgive because God first forgave us. He does not hold our offenses against us. Just as God's forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation/salvation until we confess, repent and thus accept His forgiveness, so our forgiving someone who commits an offense against us does not mean reconciliation.
Reconciliation happens when the offender confesses and genuinely repents. Even then, the relationship may not be the same as before, depending on the nature of the offense. If someone has a weakness for gossip, we would be wise to remember that weakness, and even after forgiving, we would not entrust such a person with any important secrets. It seems to me that in the case of sexual or other abuse, it would be wise to remember the offender's weakness and not engage in a situation that would permit more abuse. That may mean no personal contact for some time, until the victim feels whole and much stronger.
Inge, you make a good point for the complete reconciliation that for many can only take place when Eden is restored upon this earth.
Also, is it possible that any new arrangement between two parties(such as you suggest regarding gossip or abuse) is a form of or at least the beginning of reconciliation? Like sanctification, rebuilding trust in some cases may be the work of a lifetime in this present world. In light of this, perhaps the main point of this lesson is that without forgiveness, reconciliation at any level cannot take place. Also, violators of trust must acknowledge that broken trust must be proven over time if complete restoration is to take place. Notice the testing which Joseph(whom pharaoh believed possessed a superior wisdom) felt the need to put his brothers through. Doesn't this show the justified caution that must be exercised when seeking reconciliation in some cases?
Regarding forgiveness and reconciliation, I like how Ty Gibson frames it:
Forgiveness is not synonymous with trust
Thus, we must forgive others but that doesn't mean we must trust them.