Wednesday: The Role of Parents
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10, NKJV).
Image © Justinen Creative Collection at Goodsalt.com
Parents have an awesome responsibility. The father is the head of the family, and the family is the nursery of church, school, and society. If the father is weak, irresponsible, and incompetent, then the family, church, school, and society will suffer the consequences. Fathers should seek to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit – “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” ( Galatians 5.22-23).
Mothers, too, have perhaps the most important role in all society. They have great influence in shaping the characters of their children and establishing the mood and temperament of the home. Fathers should do all they can to work with the mothers in the education of their children.
What can fathers and mothers learn from these texts? Ephesians 5.22-23, Ephesians 5.25-26; 1 Corinthians 11:3; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Romans 13.13-14; 2 Peter 1:5-7; Philippians 4:8.
Christian parents have a moral obligation to provide a biblical model of Christ and the church by their behavior. The marriage relationship is an analogy of Christ’s relationship to the church. When parents refuse to lead, or if they lead in a tyrannical manner, then they are painting a false picture of Christ for their own children and for the world. God commands all Christian parents to diligently teach their children (see Deuteronomy 6:7). Parents have the responsibility to teach their children to love the Lord with their whole heart. They are to teach the fear of the Lord, a total loving devotion and submission to Him.
In Deuteronomy 6:7, the children of Israel were given specific instructions about educating their children in regard to the great things the Lord had done for His people. However great a story the elders had to tell their children, we, who live after the cross of Christ, have a much better one to tell, don’t we?
Thus, the healing or training we are to give is an ongoing proactive event in which we pour the truth of God into our children and prepare them for their own relationship with Christ.
In the end, though, we all have been given the sacred gift of free will. Ultimately, when they are adults, our children will have to answer for themselves before God.
(39)
One of the things that children learn very quickly in life is that if there is a difference of opinion or style between their parents, they will exploit it. They have the uncanny knack of knowing who to go to for permission when they want to do something that is on the edge. Often in divorce situation this ability becomes downright extortion and as a teacher I have witnessed many students in divided homes, virtually blackmailing their parents into giving them expensive gifts and so on.
Parents need to understand the importance of presenting a united mangement to their children. OK, I know we have different personalities and styles but we need to understand one another's strengths and weaknesses and learn how to work together. Differences need to be worked out without the children listening on. One thing that I learned was that children always want an immediate answer because they can then us that as leverage. Where possible I found it was best to tell them that I needed to think about it a bit. That would give me the space to have a discussion with Carmel before decision was made.
Did we always get it right? No, we made mistakes, and sometimes we had to say sorry to one another, and ask for forgiveness. Parenting is tough love, and to make it worse most of us have to engage in on the job learning. It is really an example of being thrown in at the deep end.
I have often heard theological arguments about "head of the house", "role of women", and so on. but I think that we should take as our role the Godhead. How many times in the Bible does it say that God said or did something, without reference to which member of the Godhead was involved? They worked together! There were no demarkation disputes. And that is a good role model for parenthood.
Per study guide: "Parents have the responsibility to teach their children to love the Lord with their whole heart. They are to teach the fear of the Lord, a total loving devotion and submission to Him."
I have still not found an answer to my question - how do I 'teach' a child to love the LORD?
We teach them to obey by letting them experience the positive or negative consequence of obey or disobey, even the Word of the LORD uses that method. Deut 28, Lev 26 use the format - If you obey/disobey then such & such will happen.
However it doesn't stop there Deut 30:6,15-16, Lev 26:40-45, for those who disobey there is a silver lining, if they repent and humble themselves the LORD says I will remember my covenant that I am their God.
This is how we learn to love the LORD, He loves us and even if we rebel, if we repent and return He will accept us back with open loving arms.
This is the biggest lesson in the Word of the LORD, love and obedience go together, even Jesus said: If you love Me keep my commandments. John 14:15,21,23
Teaching the child about God's love (John 3:16) will invoke gratitude and love for God in the child. There is no greater lover than this, that One died for the sinner.
My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother Prov 6:20
The Role of Parents
In the bible parents, but especially christian parents have a distinct role. This role cannot be interchanged with children but it can be interchanged with parents depending on the circumstances in the home. For example; if one parent died, is sick, or working some distance away for any reason. The young children mirror to a great extent what the parents do at home. As they get older they form their own ideas depending on nurture and nature. The christian parents should not or should do certain things to constantly lead the children to Jesus. The bible says six things the Lord hate, seven is an abomination. Prov 6:16-19. A lying tongue- how many parents lie to their children? Also teach them to lie to others. Some sow discord among brethren in the home. Some christian parents are notorious when it comes to these seven. They think there children are always right. If any parent thinks their children are always right they are fooling themselves.
Solution- let parents read, and sit and study the bible together. Parenting depends on both of the parents.
What I have done- Many times people or culture determined that the boys are trained by the father and the daughters are trained by the mothers to a great extent. I tried not to be a hypocrite to my children when they were younger at lived at home. I did not go to work related social activities on the sabbath. So I explained to them why and why not. I stood my ground even if it was a one time, lifetime affair. I never taught them to lie whenever anyone called to say I was asleep when I was right there sitting.
As parents, we have this responsability to give the example for our children. But we can only give what we have. We first need our own experience with Christ.
We, the parents, need guidance just as our children do. John Chapter 14 is about the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit; in unity they are engaged individually in the work of the Creation but with one goal – to guide the estranged creation back to the Creator God.
How can we function successfuly in the role as husband, wife and parents if we have not placed ourselves first in the role of the creature made by an almighty, sovereign Creator?
John14:16; John14:26 – “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”
For the Christian parents, the Holy Spirit is indispensable and makes the difference when they train/teach their children to walk in the way of God’s Truth and Light – it is the Spirit who prompts God’s Truth to our Spirit – Rom.8:16.
If they humbly and earnestly resolve in their hearts to walk in His Way, the children will know that their parents freely chose to be under authority - the Holy Spirit’s authority.
I do not think that we talked to our children about the Holy Spirit’s authority. Now, after learning more about the Truth, the Way and the Light, I know that He is our true Teacher. He has been given to us to lead parents as well as our children to be inspired by the love of God for mankind.
Why is so little emphasis given to the teaching about the Holy Spirit and His work which transforms our nature – the heart, mind and whole being; why do we not include His purpose and work when we talk to our children about the way they should walk? I believe that our children will benefit greatly from our honesty that acknowledges that we, in the role as parents, are still in the process of being made new and transformed into the spiritual Image of God. Why not tell our children that we, the parents, also have a teacher and instructor which we learn from and pass what we have learned from Him on to them?
Rom.8:1-17 – Speaks to the life in the Spirit; the difference between the life in/by the flesh and the life lived in/by the Spirit.
Rom.8:6-9 – “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. (7)Because the carnal mind IS *enmity against God*: for IT IS NOT SUBJECT TO the law of God, NEITHER INDEED CAN BE. (8)So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. (9) But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. "NOW IF ANY MAN HAVE NOT THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST, HE IS NONE OF HIS.”
The Father did not leave us aimlessly wandering through life seeking His Truth - He gave us His Spirit, our Comforer; His Truth and Live is vested in His Holy Spirit and we need to make sure that His Spirit dwells in us. Should we neglect to recognize this factual Truth, all our efforts of raising our children as well as our own Walk by Faith will be negatively effected - but then there are Grace and Mercy extended by a loving, caring Creator that wishes that none should perish but that all should come to repentance - 2Peter3:9.
Hi All You Saints of God,
I want to say this in my Sabbath school class tomorrow, but not sure how to word it, or if it should be said. We All know that God, thru the counsel of Paul, made the Man the Head of the Household, and the Woman, the helper (from the Old Testament) for the Man, and that she should submit to the Man, and finally, the Man should submit to Christ. Here is what I have to say about that: We all agree with Paul's counsel to the family, but I have three points to make,
1)A lot of Men, in the church and outside the church, use this counsel, scriptures, to ABUSE (verbal and/or physical) their wives, and ultimately their entire family (as the lesson says, "tyrannical manner"), and then we are left to wonder why so many Adventist kids have left the church. They see what their parents are like in church, then they see the Husband, and the Wife, ruling with an "iron fist" at home. The Bible doesn't say much about how Jesus handled the day-to-day relationships with His disciples, and other Men and Women in His inner circle, but I want to think that He modeled 2 Peter 1:5-7; as He modeled these personality tracts to them, it brought them all to God's ultimate goal for Mankind, to love, because “God is love”. In the perfect world that God desired for us, especially in His church, there should not be such a HIGH rate of divorce, and single-parent families, in our churches; it's a shame and not a pleasant Light (example) to the World and our communities around us. Also, the divorce rate is trending high among our Pastors and Evangelists, and our administrators as well, at least in the US where I am.
Here's the problem with that, in my opinion, which brings me to my second point, 2) the Man has gotten into his own way, and have neglected to added virtue, knowledge, self-control, and so on, to his life, and instead ARE seeking other things in the present world, as again our Sabbath School lesson tells us that Paul counsels the church against this behavior in Romans 13:13-14. The Man, and/or the Woman, ARE seeking to fulfill the desire of the flesh at the danger of destroying their Families. Many times, the Man or the Woman feels like their happiness and fulfillment is more important than the Family’s happiness. Where is the Love in this situation? Why are the Man and Woman, the father and mother, just thinking of themselves, “how I can get what I need”, “how I can accomplish my career goals”, “don't I deserve to be happy?” And too often, the children are left to beg for the little time and attention that is left, for any kind of family love and structure. Do you realize, before the pandemic, that some children, not all, did not have any communication with their parents, because the parents are too busy? Those children only hear commands from their parents in the morning, "come and eat breakfast, hurry!" or at night, "come eat dinner and get ready for bed". In between, who is communicating with our children?
The above paragraph brings me to my last point, 3)God's original plan (also in Paul's counsel), was for Adam and Eve, the husband and the wife, to work together, as Christ and the church works together to finish His gospel commission to His church. Paul's guidance to the husband and wife is model after the relationship with Christ and His church, as stated in our Sabbath School lesson. Christ is the Head of His church, and we should submit to Him in Love, not out of Fear or Obligation, but because we have chosen to Love Him, or learn to Love Him, as we continue in our Love Relationship with Him. That a lot of words, and how to apply them to the Husband and Wife Relationship has been a struggle for us ever since Paul first wrote the counsel. But it all starts with Love, Husband that Love their wives do not treat them as Servants to be ruled and subjected to obey them; they treat their wives as Companion that are deserving of Love and Respect. It starts there, with the parents, then the children are able to observe this Love Relationship that is built on Love and Respect between their parents, which results in them growing up with the determination to emulate that behaviors with their wives and family. But unfortunately, this is not the case, and this may be why there are so many mean and aggressive adults raising mean and aggressive children these days. This is my opinion, you do not have to agree with me, but something is the cause of this change in the behavior, love and respect of supposedly sane adults nowadays. Or maybe it’s just the signs of the times, “And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold”, Matthew 24:12.
In closing, I sometimes think that God allowed, not caused, this Pandemic, in order for the Family to spend more time together, to have time to think and reflect on how they should be raising their children to be happy and productive adults. Time to think about what is important in the Family nucleus, or how to change it if the Family nucleus is not where it needs to be. Unfortunately, we, as parents, need a lot more Help from God to effectively do that, because the suicide and divorce rate is still high, even along us SDAs. This is why Paul counseled us in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, to "Pray without ceasing", and Jesus told His disciples, in Matthew 17:21, "Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting."
I do not write here that often, but I'm always sorry that I wrote a long conversation (I didn't mean to write a book). I pray that we use this time to Model and Pray for our children, as we continue to instruct them in the Lord.
Be Blessed Everyone!