What if I Told You Life Is Not About Being Married?
“Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!” Revelation 19:9 NKJV
Image © Lars Justinen from GoodSalt.com
I talk to people right along, and I am sure you do too, who are very lonely, isolated and feeling unfulfilled in their marriages. You might think such experiences would make me feel validated in my singleness but they don’t. Jesus validates me, without comparing me to others. Jesus wants married people to be just as happy as single people, and so do I. But what if I told you marriage was never designed to bring fulfillment? What if I told you marriage is not the goal in life? What if I told you, rather than making you fulfilled, marriage was designed to point you to the God who brings fulfillment? What if I told you marriage only points you to the real goal in life, which is the marriage of Christ to His church at the second coming?
I believe that is the point Jesus was making In Matthew 22. Some rulers tried to trick Jesus by asking him about marriage in heaven. Jesus said there would be no marriage in heaven. Why? I suppose because everything marriage ever pointed to will be fulfilled. Christ and His church will be married.
But wasn’t marriage the goal when God said, “It is not good for man to be alone?” I believe God was implying something vastly greater than marriage. He was implying a community for Adam. Of course by nature and design that had to start with Eve and marriage. But marriage was a means to the goal which was a greater community. When people tell me that they can worship God at home and don’t need to go to church, I tell them God disagrees. Adam had God when God said Adam should not be alone. Obviously even God recognized He was not enough for Adam. Adam needed community and so do we. That is why we should not “forsake the assembling of ourselves together.”
Intimacy is not secured by marriage, nor is marriage the cure for loneliness.. As a matter of fact we miss out on many forms of companionship and intimacy by believing marriage is the goal in life that brings fulfillment. When David’s best friend Johnathon died, David cried,
I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me; Your love to me was wonderful, Surpassing the love of women. 2 Samuel 1:26 NKJV
Now we know from all of David’s wives and concubines, including his escapade with Bathsheba, that David was very much heterosexual. So what did he mean by saying his love for Jonathan surpassed his love for women? He meant there was a level of intimacy with Jonathan that went deeper than sex and romance. David’s love for Jonathan was deep and intimate but had absolutely nothing to do with sex. It’s sad that we live in a world that thinks sex and romance is the only kind of love there is. We see it in all the love songs we hear on the radio. Very seldom do we hear a love song about anything other than a sexual relationship. The idea that sex and marriage is the only kind of love there is places undo stress on the marriage relationship, expecting it to meet and fulfill our needs that God and community were meant to fulfill. It also makes us miss out on all the other loves and meaningful relationships that are meant to fill our lives.
The idea that life is all about being married and is the goal in life is an unhealthy idea for both married people as well as singles. It makes a god out of your spouse by expecting your spouse to meet all of your needs and fulfill you. Philippians 4:19 says God supplies all of our needs, not a spouse. God supplies all of our needs regardless if we are married or single. God’s love is too great to be experienced by sex and marriage alone. Marriage is too small to teach us everything about God’s love. It takes community.
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Thank you brother William,, I have learnt the reason God gave us marriage,
God bless you
The greatest deception about marriage is what part love should play.marriage must be received and not proposed for that is rebellion, marriage first love when in marriage.
I am not sure exactly what you are saying here Nobukhosi, but if you are saying that for marriage to work it must be based on selfless love then you are right. Christians have been set an example of selfless love by Jesus and that sort of love should be the basis of all relationships. It is no coincidence that Jesus said:
And that is what should define us, not our marital status.
Well said!
Marriage is usually a life of ups and downs. It is never an even flow of steady togetherness. My wife and I were married for fifty years. Cancer ended her life. We had our disagreements, however we never know what our immediate future holds. I thank God for every new day.
Paul, I am very sorry you lost your wife to cancer. Praise and thank God for your 50 years together! Yes thank God for every new day.
Sadly, some of the loneliest people I know are married. Perhaps that is because single people are freer to seek companionship to relieve their loneliness whereas married people are "bound" in many ways to their spouse and thus may have few if any such options.
Best happy marriage is likened to being in the presence of GOD at worship where both parties are good stewards
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. Happy Sabbath!
The human soul craves love in companionship, but it is rare to find a companion to whom one can bare one’s soul and still be loved without condition. One quickly learns to bare a little of the soul to test how much love the other has, but that is where the hurt starts. And each hurt callouses the soul, so there is no true healing, only a thicker callous. So the desire for love often leads to deeper isolation. The human soul craves love in companionship, but finds instead increasingly profound isolation.
Shabbat Shalom, yes, I understand the Agape Love that King David
felt for Jonathan. it was a feeling of deep intimacy or closeness if you will that allowed David to love his friend in spite of any shortcomings, arguments, disagreements, failures, it is a love that has no bitterness or hatred, or malice, or jealousy towards his friend in spite of any wrongdoings. LOVE Quickly forgives .
There is always more to everything. I have learnt today. Thank you William.