07: Dealing With Fights – Hit the Mark
This week’s lesson on Dealing With Fights describes why Sam no longer wants to attend organized church. It’s not that Sam is not interested in God, Jesus and heaven. Quite the contrary. However, in this age of hyper sensitivity and the “take-no-prisoners” approach to life Sam sees in church, he reads this week’s memory text and it speaks to his tenuous relationship with the church.
Photo by Charlie Balch
Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife Proverbs 17:1
Yes, to Sam it may be better to be alone in peace than in a full church with strife. To understand the struggles Sam is facing we’ll use the headings of each day’s lesson. Each one speaks to issues that Sam and many like him are facing and that has the potential to discourage membership in the church body.
Sin and Friends
“He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.” Proverbs 17:9
Sam wants a church that is forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes and if there is one place where mistakes are forgiven it should be the church. Seeing the potential in others is a hallmark of Christianity. Realizing that today’s struggles lead to tomorrow’s victories should stamp the relationships of believers with kindness and forbearance. Sam looks for a sense of forgiveness in the church that looks to redeem and restore rather than to condemn and cast off.
Be Just!
“All ye are brethren” Matthew 23:8
Sam wants a church that is impartial. Matthew 23 records a rather pointed discourse on the hypocrisy and double standard exhibited by the scribes and Pharisees. While talking to His disciples, Jesus makes clear to them the mindset they should have. This principle is fundamental to the unity and prosperity of the church.
There were to be no big I’s and little U’s. As the old saying goes, the ground is level at the cross. But today Sam finds greater distinctions in the church than ever. Sam looks for justice that is not skewed towards favorite classes.
Words, Again
“For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.” Matthew 12:37
Sam wants a church that is safe. One only need to look no further than the smartphones brought to church to realize how technology and social media has ushered in a new area of social commentary. Everyone is an expert, and everyone has an opinion. The vitriol and anger that paints many public discussions has found a way to tinge the conversations inside the church.
Our former sense of propriety and reserve has been replaced by a boldness and crassness. Our words wound instead of heal. To be able to agree to disagree seems to be a lost art. And with the challenges that face the church today, within and without, the need for calm dialogue and sound wisdom has never been more needed.
Two Sides to a Story
“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Proverbs 18:2 NIV
Sam wants a church that is fair. There are big decisions confronting our church. To some they seem seismic. See the current discussions on Women’s Ordination for a prime example of the passions that accompany the stating of positions. Conviction is often accompanied by a closed mind to hearing the other side or position. We fight and stake out our positions and our ears are closed to anything that is said contrary to what we believe.
During these times of controversy the example of the church in Berea should be our motto:
“These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.” Acts 17:10
Be Truthful
“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who speaks lies shall perish.” Proverbs 19:9
Sam wants a church that is honest. Honesty and integrity cannot exist apart from the truth. And few things give confidence to one’s spiritual walk than to have a place in their lives where truth is valued.
Not just truthfulness as we mingle with our fellow believers but truth that is proclaimed from the pulpit each week. Not just recitations of previously learned doctrines but truth that speaks to the real and practical needs of the hearers today. Truth that brings clarity to our experience and our spiritual maturity. And like Jesus our example, truth that is always spoken in love.
We all have a lot to learn.
Luke chapter 9 records how one day Jesus made plans to travel through a village of the Samaritans. When word got back that He was not welcome, His disciples became incensed. James and John, in their blind sincerity, asked to perform a miracle of destruction and command fire to burn the people up who dared to defy the wishes of Jesus.
Although theirs was an extreme request, how similar we are to the disciples. How quickly our passions are raised and our defenses to go up. And how easily the spirit of retaliation leads the moment. But as Jesus painfully looks at His disciples He speaks to them and to us giving us a glimpse of wisdom and love combined as one.
“But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of. For the Son of man is not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them. And they went to another village.” Luke 9:55-56
Here are a few Hit the Mark questions for this week’s lesson discussion:
- What does the word “conviction” mean to you?
- Is it true that my convictions should not change? Why yes or no?
- In church decisions, what if the evidence does not change your convictions. Should you abandon your convictions and go with the larger church body’s decision? Explain your answer.
- How does one disagree without being disagreeable?
- Is the following statement True, Mostly True, Somewhat True or Not True: True followers of Christ will always be in agreement on major issues. Explain your answer.
We close this week as we did last week with more words from the love chapter:
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 The Message
Until next week, let’s all continue to Hit the Mark in Sabbath School!
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Hi Curtis,
I agree with Sam that's the kind of church I would love to be in, so I look to myself how do I need to change to make that true. On the other hand if we all took "self" out of the picture that would also solve most problems.
Shirley, you are so right. If we could take self out of the picture...
Fighting against self is really the battle we most need to be engaged in.
How do we resolve our duties as a Christian that conflict with our duties as a manager in business?
I am in so much trouble at work because I delegated a simple straight forward job to a subordinate and trusted her to do it honestly. It has now been discovered that figures were manipulated to her advantage (accidentally or deliberately, I don't know). So must my motto in business be "trust no one" but as a Christian "always look for the best"?
Trust no one seems to be a safe answer. But I wonder if Jesus ever looks at us that way when we mess up or what if Jesus adopted that attitude towards us? If somehow we become aware that Jesus doesn't trust us, can we ever believe that He could really love us? On the other hand what kind of Christians would we turn out to be if we have learned not to trust anyone? Is Christianity even possible were we to adopt that attitude??
It is not often that we can learn a lesson from the pugilistic sports but it would do us well to hear what John Chambers wrote in the 1860s and published as the Queensberry Rules. The key element of these rules being:
"You must not fight simply to win; no holds barred is not the way; you must win by the rules".
We cannot avoid differences of opinion and interpretation, even in within the church. But the way that we approach the conflict, and dare I say, live with the conflict if it is not resolved, is extremely important. God has been very patient with us and we must learn to be patient with one another.
In many cases of church conflict, winning is much less important than healing. I am very aware of past church conflicts where the wounds are deep and the healing is slow. We need to make that a matter of prayer.
In response to some of the ways we can lie without using words:
when we live a life of false pretense...pretending to be what we're not, or hiding behind a mask to cover our deeds.
i also think if we are to take a "What Would Jesus Do" (WWJD) stance on all matters that cross our life's path we would be better people .... actually this way all self would be killed and Christ would be in us.
in conclusion what we say with our lips has a long way to go. our tongue has the power to save and kill. secondly understanding people before saying anything to them matters alot. but in all allowing God to teach us what to say the only way out. I pray the lord help us in Jesus name. Amen
How do I deal with a church member who took money from a fellow member to deliver goods but has not done it three years now?do I forgive and forget?,is taking legal action being just to them? Kindly advice