Tuesday: Preparing for Parenting
Few things can change our lives more than the birth of a child. Nothing in the family can or will ever be the same again.
“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them” (Ps. 127:4-5, NKJV). At the same time, children do not arrive with an owner’s manual that tells their parents all they need to do to care for them and how to troubleshoot any problems that may arise. Even experienced parents are sometimes stumped by the actions, words, or attitudes of their children. As important as it is to prepare for marriage, it is also important that those who hope to become parents be prepared for that awesome responsibility.
However unique the following stories about births were, what principles can those preparing to be parents take away from these accounts? 1 Sam. 1:27; Judg.13:7; Luke 1:6, Luke 1:13-17, Luke 1:39-45, Luke 1:46-55, Luke 1:76-79.
Image © Sally Weimer from GoodSalt.com
What an awesome responsibility and opportunity these parents had. Three would be the parents of prophets and leaders in Israel, one of their children would be the forerunner of the promised Messiah, and one of the children would be the Christ.
Yet, even if our children are not destined to be biblical prophets, parents should still be preparing for this radical change in their lives.
“Even before the birth of the child, the preparation should begin that will enable it to fight successfully the battle against evil.
“If before the birth of her child she is selfindulgent, if she is selfish, impatient, and exacting, these traits will be reflected in the disposition of the child. Thus many children have received as a birthright almost unconquerable tendencies to evil”. – Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, p. 256.
| Whether it is children under our care or if we have responsibilities toward other people, what are things we can do to discharge those responsibilities in the godliest manner possible? |
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I used to think that Carmel and I were model parents. Our children were kind and respectful and a lot of fun. Then the became teenagers and all my theories were turned on their heads. Overnight almost, they became obnoxious, shouting, door-banging, parent haters, desperately trying to assert their independence. I looked through the verses given for today's study to see what guidance was given for being a parent of a teenager and there was nothing there. Fortunately, after the 7 lean years of teens, they developed a bit of sense and started being civil again.
I was given a sharp reminder of this whole process when our teenage grandson's voice dropped earlier this year and suddenly his parents were the worst parents ever and he hated them because they stopped him from doing everything he wanted to do. Our daughter came to us in tears claiming she was a failure as a parent. I put my arms around her and said, "You have forgotten what you were like as a teenager haven't you?"
So, seeing the Bible is silent on how to parent teenagers, what do we do? Well, the answer is simple; keep on loving them, in spite of what they do. It is tough love time, because you cannot let them get away with their wild tantrums but you also have to show tolerance and understanding. We all tend to react to our teenage children when they are obnoxious. It is far better to wait a while and think about the situation rather than reacting immediately. I know I overreacted at times, much to my regret, and have had to say sorry.
I don't know if Paul had any teenage children but he did have some good advice on parenting them:
Our teenage children need to know that in spite of their behavior, they are deeply and irrevocably loved by their parents.
II Thessalonians 2:4
Paul realized that God had given him a special responsibility - a special responsibility for this congregation that he had given birth to...
Likewise… we must realize that God has given us a special task: to influence our children. This is your God ordained responsibility and you must regard it as more important than
· your personal goals
· your hobbies
· or even your career
This responsibility is so critical that when God commanded the church to select Elders, He told them they were to be men who were known to be good fathers.
Did the children of Israel go through stages as well?
Abraham and Joseph trusting and obeying God.
In Moses' time, God had to use tough love and lay down the rules.
In Jesus time, love one another.
Having a daughter changed the whole world to me. It was/is an unique opportunity that I really have to thank God for. It's a fulltime job with no possibility to be exchanged by other. It makes me want to be a better person. Parenthood is such a challenge! And I really hope that the choices she makes reflect at least a little of this effort to grow in wisdom!
As a parent I learned that what you thought you were getting pretty good at in one child's rearing toward adulthood, it didn't work for the next child! Individuality is seen early on and different methods for different personalities has to take place. Loving your children unconditionally, showing support and care, even in their bad moments, is the best lesson I am yet still learning. Like us, they get through their stages in life. As they do, they will look back and appreciate what their parents did in their constant support and care where necessary.