If You Need Help Don’t Leave Hints. Make It Clear.
Avianca Flight 52 left Bogotá Columbia January 25, 1990 headed for JFK airport in New York. That particular day there were several storms on the eastern coast of the United States forcing Flight 52 to go into holding patterns over a few cities to avoid the storms. Because of this, once they got to New York, they were literally running out of fuel. In only minutes they would be on empty. The cockpit radioed to the control tower that they were “running low on fuel.” The control tower did not take this as a signal of distress. They figured every flight from South America is low on fuel by the time they get to New York. But Flight 52 was not just running low on fuel. They were literally running out of fuel! It was an emergency situation, but the cockpit was much too polite to be more assertive and tell the tower it was an emergency situation. To the air traffic controllers “low on fuel “did not mean on the verge of empty or emergency situation. So the tower put Flight 52 into another holding pattern as other planes landed. While waiting, Flight 52 ran out of fuel and crashed on Long Island, killing almost half of the 158 people on board.
During the investigation, in listening to the conversations on the black box, it was discovered that the word “emergency” was never used by the cockpit. If the cockpit had been more assertive and used that word instead of just hinting at running low on fuel, the tower would have put them first in the queue.
During these days of isolation or any time, really, you may be lonely or depressed and, because of social distancing, others may not pick up on it, just like the control tower was not picking up on the hints given by the cockpit that there was an emergency. If you are depressed or lonely and need someone to talk to please do not leave subtle hints. Make it clear to those around you that you need help!
In my early 20’s I enjoyed going out to eat with friends on Sunday nights as a way to have a little fun before the weekend ended. One Sunday night I called a friend to see if he and his wife wanted to go to Mazzios. He told me they were tired and wanted to just stay in. I told them fine, and I would talk to them later. As I began to hang up, my friend said, “Wait a minute, William. Do you need someone to talk to? If so, we can go.” I told my friend that I was just fine and just thought it would be fun to go out. That’s all. My friend then replied, “Okay then we will just stay home and go out another time.” I thanked him and called another family with whom I went out to eat.
I have never forgotten that phone call. While the control tower failed to realize the emergency situation of Flight 52, and the cockpit failed to make it clear that there was an emergency, leading to a miscommunication which led to scores of deaths, my friend wanted to make sure there wasn’t an emergency situation he was not picking up on. He asked me to make it clear if I needed someone to talk to that night. He would not allow any miscommunication or leave anything to chance.
Please let’s all be like my friend that night. During these days of isolation and any time really, let’s listen carefully and even ask our friends clearly and openly if they need someone to talk to. Ask plainly if someone may be lonely or depressed. Let’s not let anyone fall off our radar.
If you need help, don’t leave hints. Spell it out clearly to your friends, family, pastors and teachers. Also listen carefully to those who may be crying for help. Don’t rely on hints. Be like my friend and ask plainly and clearly, “Do you need someone to talk to.?”
Very timely commentary that I enjoyed reading. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Dear William,
Your best post ever. Thank you!
During this pandemic time, I have been struggling with depression and when I reached out to you, you answered in a very helpful, loving and caring way. This is really boosting my faith.
I have learned much through suffering. Most of us don't dream of or want to experience much suffering, especially depression. When I was younger, I could never imagine my self going through what I am going through. Life has taken a very strange path. Yet, I see the hand of God in it all, somehow, someway. And then one day in Bible study, I read, in Ezekiel, how the hand of the Lord was upon him.
My husband has been a big encouragement in reminding me about
David's experience with the loss of the first baby with Bathsheba. 2 Sam. 12. David prayed and mourned while there was a chance for the child to live. When the child died, David moved forward in life. There is a time for everything.
Thank you so much for this presentation William. I always appreciate your writings although I don't always comment. I had to do a presentation for our online Sabbath school today and chose to speak on the topic of Mental Health/Well being because of the challenges some of us might face and which might be exacerbated by the lock down.
Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2
Be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. This is the desire of Jesus for all his children. Here we see the combination of two forms of health: physical and spiritual health. It is God desires that all Christians have spiritually health as well as physical health.
God is the giver and restorer of health. Satan is the destroyer
who causes all forms of sickness, suffering, misery and death.
Well said message above to the people of God. Asking for help. I mentioned before about people who do not want others to call them poor, or for others to know they are suffering even if the signs are clear.
Some time ago a woman said to me, the church does not have love. In conversation she mentioned no one tried to collect her family with the church vehicle although they knew they dont have a vehicle to go to church. I asked her, did you called for someone to collect you, or did you made arrangement for someone to collect the family. She said no, because "in the church if there are spirit filled people, Jesus will show them her family needs transportation to go to church on Sabbath". Either someone should call them or turn up by her house for them to go to church. Mind you, during the week this family go shopping and other places without the church vehicle.
Many people for some reason preferred to suffer alone although help is just in front of them with either a phone call, a txt,
or an email. One of my friend said she had just gotten married to someone her parents disapproved. Anyhow, things got worst in the marriage because her husband was not working. She did not let her parents knew about her situation at home. Many days for some reason, her mother saw and knew what she was hiding from her. He mother would ask her several times, 'do you want something to eat? My friend would say no, everything is okay." Looking back she told me many days she will 'eat her saliva because of hunger.' Her mother had so much to eat and spare, yet she was suffering in hunger now with a baby to feed.
Some churches presently give out clothing through the Dorcus society, many members can benefit from it but refuses. Some give out food stuff to the undeserved or underprivileged, many refuses to collect. Some society of people suffers for no reason. If they can just ask, or just say yes, I need help.
Some people within the church suffer from mental health which go untreated. In many societies or certain ethnic groups, mental health is a stigma so no one talks about it. As a result many are left to suffer within the church.
With the present pandemic of the corona virus, if you lost you job, have no saving, have no form of income, away from your family, have no money to pay for the mortgage/rent. You can be, or become so overwhelm. Talking to others, trusting others can play a part in your recovery. We do not know who God sent to help us, they are just waiting for us to ask them to help.
Everyone would know by now how poor we grew up, we asked for help as well as people in and out of the church assisted us. I was very glad for the help. Now, I am in the position I help those the Lord place in my spirit. Help can be given in any form. Can be just a phone call away, a call that wakes us up from our sleep to pray with them, a sabbath chat, a lift to somewhere, walking with a little extra in our sabbath meal basket, where to find a different doctor or another little favors.
Brethren, just ask for help!!! It is God's will that we bear each other burden. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
I hear what you are saying William and there is some good common sense in what you have written. On the other hand, as Christians, we need to be the ears of God and hear the prayers of others. Having been a teacher for many years I have had to listen very carefully because some people obfuscate their need, often through embarrassment.
One of the questions we need to ask one another (without an audience listening) is, "RUOK?" In the current atmosphere of COVID-19 and social unrest, it is pertinent that we ask that question of one another so that nobody slips through the cracks.
We have to remember that not everyone is forthright, even when advised to make it clear and not leave hints. My prayer is that God will grant me the sensitivity to hear the needs of others.
Agreed Maurice. Just like my friend who wanted to make clear that he was not missing any hidden hints or clues that something was wrong, we need to listen carefully to others and ask them if they need help or someone to talk so.
Thank you all for your comments!