07: Dealing with Fights – Thought Starters
[Thought Questions for Dealing with Fights February 10, 2015]
Image © Darrel Tank from GoodSalt.com
1. Introduction. What’s that? Fights among God’s people? Or fights by evil people that can do us damage? Let’s take a look in this week’s lesson about dealing with fights. Have you ever witnessed a snappy, angry exchange between two people who should care for each other? Or watched helplessly as a family falls to ruin by endless arguing and finding fault? Is there ever fighting or harsh disagreement among God’s people at church?
2. Sin and friends. How do you feel when a friend or family member does something downright sinful? Suppose a neighbor is rude to you—by leaving trash on your lawn, perhaps. Doesn’t that give you the right to let that person know what you think? The proverbs we consider this week says otherwise. What does it take to become a person who never lets wrath take over? Have you ever known such a person?
3. Words of deep waters. Have you ever hurt someone’s feelings? Or provoked tears? Have you ever been deeply hurt yourself by something someone said to you? A fellow church member I know once said to a fellow member, “You are the devil.” How should the accused have treated that person from then on? Have you ever been filled with a spiritual message that awoke in you a totally different and more marvelous concept than ever before? Should we try to explore the depths in our study of Scripture and our personal prayer life? And speak only words that are acceptable in the sight of God?
4. Closed minds and open mouths. Read Proverbs 18:7 and share what you think is happening in this short verse with a very short story. Can we benefit spiritually by listening to the counsel of others? What does it take to sift the counsel of others to be sure we are absorbing God’s will for us? How easy is it to have a closed mind and an open mouth? What about an open mind and a closed mouth? Is that good? Why or why not?
5. The truth is always better. TV Judge Judy sometimes says, “I can tell you’re lying. Your lips are moving.” What makes lying such a dreadful act? Would you lie to avoid a traffic ticket? An argument with husband or wife? Do people ever lie to God? To themselves? Do you ever say (or think), “It won’t hurt just this once.” What is the only sure way we can always tell the truth–and live it?
(8)
The best way to stop a fight is to refrain from responding to an opinionated person. Unfortunatly there are people who think it is there mission in life to correcct every remark made in SS. If that opionated person bothers you go to a different SS, keeping your opinion of that person to yourself.
Why are some people opinionated? Could it be that he/she lack the operating of the Holy Spirit in their lives or just simply enjoy debating with others? in what ways can we as a body of believers help that person?
I am not opinionated. Its just that I am just right because I have read the Bible and SOP. It's the others who are opinionated and obstinate! (wicked grin)
Sometimes it is our own self-opinion that gets in the way of peace and harmony and we really need to take a good look at ourselves.
In my opinionated opinion I think there is a difference between being opinionated and being argumentative. If I follow what John says, "These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life" (1 Jn. 5:13 NKJV), is it being opinionated to stand firm and say in faith, "I know that I have eternal life?"
Or what about what Luke told his friend, "it seemed good to me also, having had perfect understanding of all things from the very first, to write to you an orderly account, most excellent Theophilus, that you may know the certainty of those things in which you were instructed" (Lk. 1:3-4 NKJV).
Or was Paul wrong in saying, "But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed" (Gal. 1:8 NKJV)? I think I can righteously stand my ground on things that I am reasonable sure of but I should never arrive at a point where I say, "under no circumstance will I ever be moved from my position" because I could be wrong especially when God corrects me as He did with Job.
To me being argumentative is taking what I think is right and attempting to jam it down some else's throat, in other words, using authority to enforce an opinion. That is something that is so easy to do when we have a whole list of scriptural backing. So, rather than being a fool that never listens and always pontificates about what he thinks he knows maybe we should do what both the lesson and Maurice have suggest before, to first listen and then think before engaging mouth.
I want to apologize if I have offended anyone in asking a question about opinionated people. I was just trying to get some clarification in regards to the behavior of this type of person. Standing on the word of God makes us neither opinionated or argumentive. We are just simply stating the facts presented in God's word.
Regina, I don't think you offended anyone and I don't think what you asked was wrong. I openly admit to being opinionated; I feel very strongly about what I believe. To me that is not where the problem is, it is in what we do with it and how we affect other people because of it.
I have been called many things and one of them was a mad old man and the others I won't even mention for obvious reasons. That is how I very often come across to other people. I think many others see me as combative and argumentative.
I think I was born out of time because unlike it was hundreds of years ago we now seem to be overly sensitive to political correctness and are asked to be painfully nice about everything - almost to the point of never really saying anything. While Jesus was sensitive and gentle He was also very firm about doctrine and what was right. He didn't mince words with those that were out of line, even with Peter (Mat 16:23) who was one of His closest disciples.
So I will always stand firm for creationism along with all the rest of our doctrines including the Sabbath but I need to interact with other people meaningfully rather than like the proverbial bull in a china shop. Perhaps I need far more help than you do and maybe I will be one of the last to enter Heaven, even by a thread.
Hi Regina,
You asked a good question, one we needed to discuss. Thank you for caring about us, your friends, and whether we were upset, what a loving spirit.
So often it is not so much what I say but how I say it that is the problem.
Another thing that I have discovered that makes a difference is the attitude of the person to whom you are talking. Is the person sincerely looking to learn - yes, then share what you have discovered in the Word, if not, then rather share the love of the LORD.
Regina, you have not offended me at all. And I am sorry if my euphemism, offended you. My response was simply an observation with a bit of self-deprecating humour that we often have an inflated opinion of our own opinions.
To answer your question more seriously though. I have found it best not to argue with people with strong opinions.
I remember a situation where a parent was brought into a school principal's office over some grievance about the way their child was discisplined. The parent had a very strong opinion about how the situation should have been handled. The very wise principal asked the parent to explain the situation to him from his point of view. The parent continued for about 20 minutes with a list of assertion and opinions about how it should have been handled until eventually he simply ran out of things to say. The principal responded with a simple, "Thank you for presenting your point of view. Let's have a word of prayer!" In the aftermath, the parent expressed thanks that he had been listened to and that he fully supported what the school was doing.
I am not saying that opinionated people can always be handled that way, but sometimes, listening to their opinions until exhaustion allows them to get it off their chest and offers the opportunity for a quiet reasoned response.
Hope that helps a little bit.
Once, two of my grandchildren were arguing about some silly thing when I asked them, "who is more foolish... a fool or someone who argues with a fool?"
Neither of them said another word 🙂
Regina, I just looked up the word opinionated and found this definition: "obstinate or conceited with regard to the merit of one's own opinions; conceitedly dogmatic." Sounds like a proverbial "fool" to me.
Do they lack the Holy Spirit or simply enjoy debating? I think the answer is both. Please consider the works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21) which have at their center "contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions,..."
What to do? Regarding a fallen brother, Galatians 6:1 counsels us to humbly work to restore him, "considering yourself lest you also be tempted." The last part calls me to pray fervently, for without God's help we can do nothing good.
Out of personal experience, I tend to feel that the best way to stop a fight is not by taking sides of both sides, but to consider getting both sides to stop the fight. If I can't achieve that then it is best to leave without taking sides rather than ending up in being involved on the side of the one who was actually on the wrong side.
It takes only a person who is under supremacy of the Holy Spirit deduce the word of God. May the good Lord reachly bless you all for his mission.