Sunday: Love the Right Woman
List the problems and consequences involved with a sexual liaison before marriage or an extramarital affair as depicted in Proverbs 5:3-14.
The godly person reserves (if not married) and preserves (if married) his or her deepest affections and sexual intimacy for marriage. Men are specifically addressed in Proverbs, but the same idea as it relates to women is expressed in the Song of Solomon (compare Song of Sol. 4:12-15).
Image © Kevin Carden Goodsalt.com
The powerful attraction of illicit love must be weighed against the horrific consequences of this sin. Casual sexual liaisons lack commitment and, therefore, fall far short of true intimacy. Material, physical, and emotional resources are squandered. Most important, one must answer to God for the choices made in life.
Sexual intimacy, one of God’s greatest gifts to humans, is a privilege of marriage only (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 7:3-4; Heb. 13:4). In Proverbs, the imagery of nourishing, plentiful water is used as a delicate symbol of the pleasure and satisfaction a married couple ought to obtain in their love together. This is contrasted with the waste that results when there is unfaithfulness. The expression “the wife of your youth” (Prov. 5:18, NKJV) indicates that, even when the two grow older, their commitment is to continue. A husband is still ravished (“intoxicated” [Prov. 5:19, NIV]) by his wife’s charms.
In the human fallen condition, sexual instincts can lure individuals away from the divine design for sexuality. However, God has also given humanity the power to reason and to choose. These temptations, if not continually suppressed, can become overwhelming. A firm commitment to the divine design for sexuality in marriage can prevent the development of illicit sexual relationships. The choice of lifelong faithfulness to God’s design for sexuality in marriage not only is prudent but carries its own bountiful rewards.
| If you knew someone struggling with sexual temptations that could destroy a marriage, what counsel would you give that person? |
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We live in an age where sex is considered a social commodity to be given or withheld within the social environment casually. The only moral consideration is that the sex is consensual. Young people are very open about it. On one of my birding expeditions we were camped next to a group of university students in a National Park camping area and the main topic of conversation around their campfire was about who was going to sleep with who that night. We were camped within earshot and there was no attempt to keep the conversation quiet to that it would not disturb the neighbors. Such casualness is a mark of our modern society and is perpetrated by the entertainment media and the secular education systems.
In this context, we need to ensure that our message regarding sexual intimacy is clearly understood. I want to consider two situations.
The Work Place
In our modern world, we often find ourselves working with people of the opposite sex for long periods of time. If you think about it, sometimes we see more of our workmates than we do of our spouses. In these circumstances, it is all too easy to drift into situations where you find yourself discussing details that should not be discussed. Or, your professional relationship becomes a dependent relationship. Many extramarital affairs begin in the workplace simply because we let down our guard on personal relationships.
Youth
Trying to put wise heads on young shoulders is like trying to meld iron and clay. Moral education is much more than simply telling them that premarital sex is wrong. There is something that is incredibly enticing to young people about being “naughty” and it is not helped by the prevalent attitudes of society today. There are two things that are important to get through to young people.
• The notion of social responsibility. Relationships are more important than sex. That is a tough one and in all my experience of teaching young people and talking to them on a one-to-one basis, I still do not know if I am getting the message across.
• This second point is very important. Young people are going to make mistakes, but they need to know that they are still loved and supported when they do. We need to express compassion before condemnation. I cannot emphasize that point enough. There are many young people in the church today, who having made a mistake in their youth found that their family and church surrounded them with love and support. There are young who have found themselves condemned by church members who have pointed the finger of accusation, bringing down the wrath of church discipline to emphasize their disapproval. Typically such condemnation does not work.
We live in a time when women are outperforming men in many areas of professional and personal competency. And men have two choices: to find female strength captivatingly attractive, or to be insecure and intimidated. Real men love strong women, because God’s glory is beautiful, and “woman is the glory of man” (1 Corinthians 11:7).
Jesus, give men the grace to see the beauty of glorious female strength. Give women the resilience to remain strong long enough for the right men to find them beautiful for the right reasons. And help men and women to fall in love with proven, genuine faith, which is “more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire” (1 Peter 1:7)
I don't know where you get statistics from for you to conclude that women are outperforming men, however I agree that a lot of men are rather intimated by the strong and hardworking women and as such the church needs to find time and teach the young man on how to deal with her, also teach the young woman how to behave when she is stronger, richer or even more educated
Here is an article that brings out the statics that Josiah was sharing. It has several links to research. Or do your own research by typing in "women outperforming men in the workplace." You will find links where women are outperforming men in college.
Here is the link: https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/science-says-woman-in-business-outperform-men.html
Ssevvume, if she fears the Lord (the noblest of all the things she does), there is no need to teach the young man on how to deal with her. Hiding God\s word in our heart help us to remember what to do, in case we (male or female) are tempted to intimidate others 🙂
Ssevvume Solomon,God wants to use these as an example character to fulfill His calling on our lives. I love seeing how the fierce women of Scripture did this. Esther courageously stood ready to perish as she fought for the lives of her people. Deborah led the armies of Israel to victory in spite of fearful Barak. Priscilla, along with her husband, Aquila, once literally "risked her neck" to save Paul's life (see Romans 16:4); she was bold, courageous and a diligent student of the Word.
I hope you're not under the mistaken impression that God created women as some kind of second-class citizens of the kingdom. He loves strong women. Just as He Loves strong men too.
I don't believe Solomon meant women were second class. He seemed genuinely interested in the stat basis. I shared a link that may help in that regards: https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/science-says-woman-in-business-outperform-men.html
Indeed, God didn't make women second class citizens, but sin has created a ranking in which women have had the disempowerment over the centuries. Most of that had to do with the fact they are physically smaller and less strong as men. Thus, men have "ruled" over women since the Fall. For most of history men have held all the cards legally and socially in societies.
In this broken world the struggle will always be there between the sexes, yet in the church that should be moving toward what God had in mind in the first place. Yet, more often than not, churches reflect the codes and conducts of the cultures and day in which they find themselves.
Amen....to Kevin's response to Solomon.
I think Ssevvume wanted to point it out that power corrupts and it results into disrespect to others. Both men and women can be corrupted. That is why Prov. 31 Woman or Man who fears the Lord surpasses them all. Both the woman and man should try to apply God\s word in their life and live it. To fear the Lord is to take Him at His Word, to obey Him and forget about our education, wealth, strength, praise we receive.
Sexual sin is hard to overcome especially for single people . The lust of the flesh is strong.
I think the title for this days lesson is a bit off. It should be "love the right person in God's way" or something to that effect. Regardless, a male dominant book like the Bible is, men are most often the recipients of counsel about sexuality. Perhaps rightly so since it seems that is one point upon which many men fail, and fail miserably.
Many of the Proverbs are written by Solomon, a man whose parentage comes from a serious history of brokenness due to lust and misuse of God's gift of sex. Solomon didn't repeat the sin of his father David, but he did love many women and fell into the trap of political alliance marriages that led his heart from faithfulness to God.
It is truly unfortunate that society presses upon youth a sense of worth based upon if you have had sex or not (I lived it as we all have a youth more or less to one degree or another). This is added to the rather casual approach to physical intimacy that is portrayed in books and other visual media for unmarried people. If it feels good, do it!
I have been saddened by recent reports of a Game of Thrones (a show I don't watch) character finally "coming of age" and taking charge in having sex for the first time. I have read a couple of articles on this tryst and they are mostly glowing in that it shows strength, etc. Such a popular show affecting millions of viewers and that is what is being taught.
The devil has it so that people feel that sex is the crowning achievement in life and if you have failed in experiencing it, then somehow you are nearly less of a whole person or something. Sex is a powerful experience in marriage, and a powerful experience outside of marriage, but it is but an experience. It isn't the total of life, but when it is pursued as the ultimate goal in one's existence, then it will be a powerful disappointment and possible disaster of which life is burdened the entire length of it.
I'm disturbed when a lesson contains even the three romanticized, hyperbole regarding sex I found:
1) The first paragraph..."The godly person...reserves his or her "deepest affections" and sexual "intimacy" for marriage". Does that mean that the emotional experience associated with sexual intercourse is qualitatively higher than, or of the same caliber as, the principle that motivates positive empathetic actions (for example Jn 15:13; Lk 7:12-15)?
2) The second paragraph..."The powerful attraction of illicit love...". Does this mean that the "powerful desire to reproduce", that birds, fish, plants, and animals demonstrate, sometimes in fights resulting in injury and death, is somehow equated with "love" (1 Jn 3:16)? When humans make misguided decisions and mismanage our sexual desires, isn't calling that mismanagement, even "illicit love", a disservice to the love principle (Php 2:6-8)? Couldn't we be more careful in our teaching, to disassociate sex desire from the love principle?...or at least be consistent and associate sex/reproductive desire in fish, birds, plants and other animals with love.
3) The third paragraph..."Sexual intimacy, one of God's greatest gifts to humans..."...Really? Are sexual desire and our human ability to manage all our desires the same thing? Did Jesus die to enable our various desires, or to enable our management of them (Gal 5:16-17,24; Rm 7:21-24; 1 Cor 9:26-27)? So why does it sound like sexual expression, which even within the context of marriage can be abused, is being elevated among "God's greatest gifts to humans"?
I don't disagree with the overall content of Sunday's lesson, in fact, I liked the first line of the last paragraph, "In the human fallen condition, sexual instincts can lure individuals away from the divine design for sexuality". I just don't think that our sex/reproductive desire is any greater than our desire to eat, sleep, thrive, socialize, etc. God has designed us with our senses and desires for our benefit and His glory. Our failure to properly manage any or all of these gifts poses a danger to the individual and/or his community. Any failure subsequently dishonors our Creator.
Through the death of Christ, the greatest of all gifts was given to humanity (Jn 3:16; Rm 8:32), that when accessed, the individual human might employ all his/her gifts to benefit the individual, community, and Creator (2 Pt 1:3-4).