Bible Cures for Narcissism

Have you ever worked for a narcissist? Maybe you think someone in your family is a narcissist? Maybe you are one and you just don’t care. Sometimes you may get into a working relationship or even romantic relationship with a narcissist before you realize what they are really like. They come off as sincere and caring, but before you know it, they are using you to serve them and their agenda. Many cult leaders are narcissists.

Below are signs, from the Mayo Clinic, that you or someone you know may be narcissistic. The Mayo clinic says this is a rare mental disease. I and many others wonder what their definition of “rare” is. Many believe narcissistic behavior is becoming an epidemic. After each sign, I have provided a Bible passage which offers a cure or example for each sign of narcissism.

I don’t believe people are narcissistic on purpose. If this looks like you, please prayerfully consider the Bible verses and perhaps contact a Christian counselor for help.

If you are in a relationship with one, how you handle it may be determined by exactly the kind of relationship you are in. Obviously it is not healthy for you. I would suggest seeking spiritual and maybe even professional counseling to find your best way out. Don’t be surprised if the narcissist makes him or herself look like the victim.

As well as providing the signs listed below to diagnose  narcissism, the Mayo clinic also suggests a cause for the disease. People who were not properly nurtured and cared for in the early stages of their life are more likely to become narcissists. If only these people realized how much God loves and cares for them!

Lucifer was loved and cared for in heaven, yet he played mind games with himself, until he brainwashed himself into thinking that nobody cared about him but himself. His only self-concocted shred of evidence was that God the Son outranked him. Age, rank and title did not prevent Lucifer from crying out like a little baby narcissist, “What about me?!”

Meanwhile, Jesus, “Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.” Philippians 2:6 NLT Instead of crying out “What about me!” Jesus has always cried out, “What about others!”

Here are the signs of narcissism provided by the Mayo Clinic, along with the examples or cures found in the Bible.

  • Believing that you’re better than others
Image © Lars Justinen from

Image © Lars Justinen from

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Philippians 2:1-8 NLT

  • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness

So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant,  and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:42-45 NLT

  • Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Then the people of Ephraim asked Gideon, “Why have you treated us this way? Why didn’t you send for us when you first went out to fight the Midianites?” And they argued heatedly with Gideon.

But Gideon replied, “What have I accomplished compared to you? Aren’t even the leftover grapes of Ephraim’s harvest better than the entire crop of my little clan of Abiezer?  God gave you victory over Oreb and Zeeb, the commanders of the Midianite army. What have I accomplished compared to that?” When the men of Ephraim heard Gideon’s answer, their anger subsided. Judges 8:1-3 NLT

  • Expecting regular praise and admiration.

Herod put on his royal robes, sat on his throne, and made a speech to them.  The people gave him a great ovation, shouting, “It’s the voice of a god, not of a man!”Instantly, an angel of the Lord struck Herod with a sickness, because he accepted the people’s worship instead of giving the glory to God. Acts 12:21-23 NLT

  • Believing that you deserve special treatment

When Jesus noticed that all who had come to the dinner were trying to sit in the seats of honor near the head of the table, he gave them this advice:  “When you are invited to a wedding feast, don’t sit in the seat of honor. What if someone who is more distinguished than you has also been invited?  The host will come and say, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then you will be embarrassed, and you will have to take whatever seat is left at the foot of the table!

“Instead, take the lowest place at the foot of the table. Then when your host sees you, he will come and say, ‘Friend, we have a better place for you!’ Then you will be honored in front of all the other guests.  For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 14:7-11 NLT

  • Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.  Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! Romans 12:15-16 NLT

  • Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers. Proverbs 11:14 NLT

  • Taking advantage of others

Look here, you rich people: Weep and groan with anguish because of all the terrible troubles ahead of you. Your wealth is rotting away, and your fine clothes are moth-eaten rags.  Your gold and silver have become worthless. The very wealth you were counting on will eat away your flesh like fire. This treasure you have accumulated will stand as evidence against you on the day of judgment.  For listen! Hear the cries of the field workers whom you have cheated of their pay. The wages you held back cry out against you. The cries of those who harvest your fields have reached the ears of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. James 5:1-4 NLT

  • Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’  I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14 NLT

  • Being jealous of others

Agrippa interrupted him. “Do you think you can persuade me to become a Christian so quickly?”Paul replied, “Whether quickly or not, I pray to God that both you and everyone here in this audience might become the same as I am, except for these chains.” Acts 26:28-29 NLT 

(When Paul had Jesus, He did not want anything King Agrippa had. He wanted Agrippa to have what He had!)

  • Believing that others are jealous of you

And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying, What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel? for who [is] this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God? And the people answered him after this manner, saying, So shall it be done to the man that killeth him. And Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spake unto the men; and Eliab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said, Why camest thou down hither? and with whom hast thou left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle.And David said, What have I now done? [Is there] not a cause?  1 Samuel 17:26-29

  •  Having trouble keeping healthy relationships

A man [that hath] friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend [that] sticketh closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

  •  Aspiring to the position of someone above you

 “How you are fallen from heaven, O shining star, son of the morning!
You have been thrown down to the earth,
you who destroyed the nations of the world.
For you said to yourself,
‘I will ascend to heaven and set my throne above God’s stars.
I will preside on the mountain of the gods
far away in the north.
I will climb to the highest heavens
and be like the Most High.’
Instead, you will be brought down to the place of the dead,
down to its lowest depths. Isaiah 14:12-15 NLT

  • Feeling easily hurt and rejected

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were [our] faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.  Isaiah 53:3-6

  • Having a fragile self-esteem

And the women answered [one another] as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands .And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed [but] thousands: and [what] can he have more but the kingdom?   And Saul eyed David from that day and forward.  1 Samuel 18:7-9

  • Wanting to appear tough-minded or unemotional

And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:  Ezekiel 11:19

As I said earlier, if you see yourself here, or someone you have to deal with on a regular basis, you may need to seek professional counseling. Here is some helpful advice on dealing with a narcissistic boss.

Some cases are not as extreme. A while back, a friend of mine was flying from Tampa to Chicago every week on a work assignment. At the end of a certain week he was tired and ready for a quiet and relaxing plane ride home. It wasn’t going to happen. That day a large group got on the plane who were having a big noisy celebration of some kind. Instead of getting angry or upset, my friend who was already tired, just sighed and smiled, as he told himself, “Apparently today is not about me.” In many cases, the cure may just be that simple.

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Bible Cures for Narcissism — 51 Comments

  1. William, thank you for this modern take on an age-old problem. Narcissism is simply an extreme focus on self. We are all naturally self-focused, because we are all sinners and thus naturally fall into a self-focused way of thinking, which is the way of the "prince of this world." (John 12:31)

    It is interesting that psychologists see this as a disorder, when all of modern society encourages self-focus. But in its extreme form the problem becomes so evident that it doesn't take any spiritual discernment to recognize it.

    All the symptoms you list are signs of self-focus and thus the polar opposite of the character of Christ, which is love. I recommend our readers compare this list with 1 Cor 13:4-8.

    I suspect many of us can recognize some of these traits in ourselves, and that is evidence that we need the Holy Spirit to transform our hearts.

    • This is exactly true Inge! And God specifically states that the greek word Agape (love equalling, empathy, compassion and self-lessness) is the way to salvation, that without it we will not get there. So narcissistic tendencies are therefore original sin, and we are to work our entire lives to do the opposite, which God lays down as Agape!
      The psychological community, states there is no cure for narcissism, and gives it a disorder title. Because in psychology there is no God. There is no free-will, giving up self, and giving in to God's wishes.
      And in the end times, it gets worse just as it is today. This passage clearly depicts narcissism. And even how they take advantage of the naive, who fall into their manipulation and lies and deceit. And how they are personally, their thoughts etc.
      It is so clear.

      2 Timothy 3
      3 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

      6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these teachers oppose the truth. They are men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. 9 But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.

      • Also in understanding the bible translations of "love" there are various ways of depicting love in the bible, this includes Fillio, friendly love, or a love for children/family, responsibility type love, and then Eros which is more of a sexual attraction, physical. Both of which are considered naturally occurring types of love.

        However, Agape is first Empathy (the putting yourself in anothers shoes - given their limitations, faults, talents, point of view etc. - losing yourself completely to spiritually connect with another) Compassion (a call to action. Not just understanding or feeling their pain or joys etc., but also a call to act upon that. Helping another, embracing them, encouraging them etc.), and Self-lessness (going the extra mile, denying your own needs to see that another's is met. The ultimate sacrifice being dying for another).

        And Agape is considered not to be an always natural response. It is something we are taught as children by our own parents (hence baptism, which is really a sacrament for parents as well to take on the role of teaching agape, and living agape in their home).

        As it is not always natural, or often times not, it means we must constantly focus on it. We must be proactive in practicing it, in achieving that state of grace.

        Narcissism is characterized by a complete lack of empathy. This being the exact opposite of Agape.

        God is the ultimate in Agape. He is Divine Agape. Not only did God come in human form so that we might relate, empathize, spiritually connect with him, but our awesome God came in human form so that HE may empathize with us!

        It can be confused that, Jesus (God in human-form) died on the cross to forgive our sins. Yes he absolutely did, but as the passage in Romans states:
        10For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

        Meaning, that in acting as Jesus did in his life, following his teachings of agape, emulating him (as divine agape), is the way to salvation. Not simply with words. Not simply with believing in all that God gives us (which would be a narcissistic trait), but in that Jesus taught us the way to salvation is through Him as Agape and his agape-centered life. Meaning we must emulate him, we must practice agape, we must have empathy, compassion and self-lessness.

        As the bible states: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

  2. As I drive to church there is a large field of sunflowers. Last Sabbath I noticed them becoming quite mature. Another interesting thing I notice was that every sunflower head was turned towards the east, the morning sun. What a wonderful illustration. If we turn towards the Son of Righteousness every morning we will be fruitful, we don't even have to work at it, just grow in Christ. Steps to Christ page 68.2. Narcissism vanishes when we hold on to the fact that without Christ we can do nothing. John 15:4,5

    • I love your illustration John. And if you will allow me to indulge for a couple of sentences: if you had watched the sunflowers all day you would have seen them turn their faces to the sun all though the day, not just in the morning. There has to be a lesson in that too, but I will let the reader work that out for themselves.

    • Your comments are appreciated regarding this topic. I see the temptation in my own life to be self-focused, and it is helpful to have the awareness of the right scriptures to look to when this happens. We can certainly pray for others who have narcissist tendencies. We cannot see it in others without seeing it in ourselves, and we can pray, and catch ourselves and choose better behaviors. I love John's analogy of the sunflowers, and that looking towards Jesus for the answer to selfishness is the best remedy. Thank you all for the postings on this christian perspective site for this behavioral issue. God bless.

  3. I love both your analogies Inge and John. What you both say is true, and narcissism also vanishes when we believe in God's love. On the website I referenced, it says that many people who grow up to be narcissists felt abandoned or uncared for in their early years. Once we realize the great love God has for us our desire to look out for ourselves vanishes, knowing God is looking out for us because He cares for us!

    • Yes the sunflowers turn with the sun. But notice why. They start early in the morning focused on the sun (as we should in prayer) they keep their eyes focused on the sun, in other words they follow the sun's lead all day and all their lives. Just like the Psalm 119:105 Word of God is like a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our pathway. We follow the Word which is Jesus. John 3:16 in the beginning was the Word and the Word was God and the Word was with God. So Jesus is the Word. He is the son/sun. Therefore we must follow the Sun/sun keep our eyes focused on Him all day starting in the morning. I believe that this is prayer as well as worship. The flowers worship God early in the morning as the sun rises and praises God/son/sun for His glory...blessing... .provision. and the flower continues to worship/praise/follow God/son/sun all day long as we are commanded to do. Selah!

  4. I want to be honest by saying that I at times find myself in this state. Though am glaf that Idont dwell much on it. But what have you viewing Peter before the arrest of JESUS CHRIST? Or still the sons of Zebedee? Unless we embrace Christ's humility , we wont make it.

  5. national, or erstwhile communal narcissism has been transformed to entitlement in our children, who while we think we are raising them up with what they should have, they take for granted these things and treat them as rights. Politicians are often described as narcissists, simply put they want it all, which is the spirit of now.

    • Okal, you are probably right. But it is more helpful for us to examine our own lives for traces of narcissism, because that is the opposite of the spirit of Christ, and we need to cooperate with the Holy Spirit to remove from our character all traces of self-interest.

      • We definitely need to pray and be aware of this trait in our own lives. Realistically, though people, including Christians can still be vulnerable to very narcissistic people in our lives, and it can grow to be a big problem. Even devastating. That said, we need to pray for our enemies. Pray for God's guidance, and wisdom.

  6. The focus on Christ is important and I appreciate the emphasis give here. In practical terms we need to think about others and how we can help and support others. If we translate that "focus on Christ" into a focus on others as well, we are on the right track. Sometimes that is hard. I know people who find it difficult to relate to others and one of our responsibilities should be to seek such people out and prove them with the opportunity to relate. We often downplay the importance of the social side of Christianity, but we need to remember that often good social relationships often play a significant role in encourage people to accept Jesus. (Sometimes more than eloquent doctrinal dissertation.)

    • [Moderator's Note: Please use full names when commenting.]

      I agree. The two greatest commandments are loving God and loving our neighbor as we love ourselves. Narcissism is a natural out growth of this foundation. Self love (love of self), was buried between loving God and loving others. For it to stay buried or to keep the weeds of narcissism from taking over and killing off our love for God and our love for our fellow-man, we need to let Jesus be the keeper of our garden (lives). He will pull out all those ugly weeds of narcissism before they cause any damage.
      Like I said, selfishness is a natural part of our beings. It is not a learned behavior, it is a Developmental Social Milestone. We need the Savior's relentless activity just like the oxygen we breath, 24/7 to keep the love we have for ourselves from growing to the danger levels called Narcissism.

  7. Learning to Love yourself is good but being in love with yourself is not. I believe the Lord wants us to take care of and Love one another, because God is Love. but if a person doesn't Love or care about thereself then how can they help or truly Love another.John3:16.

  8. William, great, great article! In Psychology, I was taught that the treating a narcissist was almost impossible because they are only able to see the world through their "me colored glasses" and don't understand that that may cause a problem for anyone else. And as most of our educators have bought into the self-esteem movement which has been turning out narcissists for two or three generations, it's good to be reminded that God doesn't need psychology. He has a cure for each and every one of our "personality disorders" ... even if we don't know the name or the cause...there is a cure -- Jesus.

  9. Thank you Lillianne and everyone for the prayers and encouragement. Let's pray that we don't fall into that trap Lillianne talks about and that all of us can see ourselves the way God sees us and see others the way God sees them.

  10. Hi William,

    You wrote, "People who were not properly nurtured and cared for in the early stages of their life are more likely to become narcissists. If only these people realized how much God loves and cares for them!"

    Everyone has missed something in life and you have the cure in the last sentence. When we know that God loves us and cares for us, we don't depend on others for all the things you explained in the list. The problems in the list are real.

  11. William, it is nice to look at other topics with answers embedded in the bible. When humans were created our maker created us with (let me call it 4 facets of our lives), in the medical term it is known as biopsycosocial dimension of man. I am speaking about: the spiritual, physical, social/emotional and mental aspects of our lives. Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects the mental aspect of humans. I was reading and realized that disorder is only “one drop in the bucket” of all the mental disorders that affect humans. The book DSM 1V Diagnoses and Codes shows us that there are over 400+ psychological/ psychiatric disorders that can affect human. Some people can have one, or more than one of those mentioned. We, as God’s people might also be affected by those diseases/disorders. Some of us suffered from depression or anxiety which is as bad as any other mentioned. Sometimes people have a stigma on certain disease and count out themselves not knowing while the count out themselves, the “fall” under another section.
    What would you say about those who visit the church to speak e.g. at divine hour. When they are introduced, all of their honors; certificate, diplomas etc., etc., are mentioned. Do you think the wanted people to see how important they were? Have more weight to their speaking? Look more intelligent? Or something else, let say suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
    It is only by the mercy of God that we are where we are. We all must have a relationship with God so as to overcome some of those problems. Many problems are present in our love one (in and out of church). Pointing to the text is good but we know it is the relationship with Jesus which is being brought about by; praying and fasting, studying our bibles, attending church, working for the good of others, etc. etc.

  12. I am dealing with a narcissist face to face. A woman that has destroyed not only the life of my son but the life of all of us. She is deceitful manipulative, disrespectful, just very evil all the time. i accidentally found this site and wonder if you truly believe they can change. The damage that they create to those around them is just scary. very overwhelming!

    • I also am dealing with a narc wife. I have 5 young girls in her custody. I continue to pray but things are getting worse. Court,court,court,court. She wants money and my destruction.

  13. A. Lopez, I am very sorry about your situation. I believe they can change, but regardless, you need to get you and your family as far away from them as is possible. Even if God does change them, that does not mean you are obligated to be in the picture when the change takes place.

  14. Hey william, I loved your article. My family has been plagued by the narcissism of my dad. My parents divorced about 12 years ago and my dad has been playing the victim card still to this day. He lies about events to make him appear as a saint and everyone else is to blame. He is also a minister at his church so he wont listen to quoting of scripture because he knows it "better" than us. My siblings and I have tried to reason with him but his heart is so hard that he wont hear any of it. Im not sure what I can do about my situation because I want to honor my father and mother but its impossible to have a relationship because hes so abusive.
    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Btw this article is great, ill be sharing it in my intervarsity bible class.

    • James I am very sorry you are in this situation. Sadly you are not the first pastor's family that I have heard this testimony from. Sometimes we have to honor our parents from a distance. You need to remove yourself from the abuser and that is not being disrespectful in anyway. Sadly love and forgiveness do not always mean reconciliation. I have a friend right now who is a pastor and his father was an abusive pastor. He prays for him from a distance. He talks occasionally to his father on the phone but does not visit in order to protect his own children from the abuse. Meanwhile know that God loves you and surround yourself with family and friends who you can have healthy relationships with. I will be praying for you my friend.

  15. Thank You everyone for your sharing on this most selfish state of being called narcissism that apparently affects a lot more people than I was aware of. After I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior in January of 1979 I attended a reformed presbyterian church that my father to the Gospel was a member of. The narcissism among members of the congregation drove me away after awhile. After attending other presbyterian churches,baptist,proper baptist,and several non denominational churches I gave up trying to find a church where I felt I could serve the Lord without being insulted by narcissistic ministers and church elders.Some years passed when finally I received an answer to my prayers concerning church membership. It was an invitation to attend a Bible Prophesy semminar which turned out after three weeks or so I was invited to join the Seventh Day Adventist church. Glory to God I said YES! The Adventist brothers and sisters that I have been blessed to meet and worship with have been the greatest source of joy in my entire Christian life of the past 35 years. Plus I finally am keeping the Sabbath the way our Lord commanded us to, on the Sabbath! William's article was very well researched and and a great comfort in the sense of being able to identify narcissim from a professional diagnosis of the well respected Mayo clinic along with the Lord's proper examples to our responses when we encounter such behavior from others. This article will give me a new acceptance to certain members of my own biological family that are narcissist. I feel now the Holy Spirit is using William's article to help me be more forgiving of my family members who have used and abused my mother and myself for years. Now that I think about it, having a new found tool for forgiveness is a great Christmas present since the Lord instructs us to forgive others so he can also forgive us.Thanks William, what I am receiving from your research and testimony is exactly what I have been lacking in my fellowship with the Lord. I feel a whole new sense of confidence and joy!God Bless You brother, and the rest of you who shared your experiences. Have a blessed and safe Christmas, Mike

  16. Mike thank you for your testimony and for affirming the Seventh-day Adventist Church family and the love we have for each other. I am sure you realize too that there are narcissists in our ranks as well, just as there are very loving and kind people in the Presbyterian Church. I thank God for saving you from narcissistic relationships.

  17. I now know that my husband is in love with himself. I have never known the pain and do forgive. He has just brought me so far down and I do not even know myself anymore. I want to love him unconditionally.

    thank you

  18. I thank God for my wife who has put up with my narcissistic personality through 17 years of lies, deceit, and womanizing. In my case, addiction to sex was a component to my disorder as well. Without God in my heart I do not know how I can ever forgive myself for allowing her to go through what she went through.

    One thing I can share with you is that there is no way in the world that a narcissist can change unless God is involved. My biggest hurdle was to get over the pain of being able to face problems in its face without the convenience of walking away. Owning up and confessing my sins to my wife was a painful process specially looking at the damage that I have done to her mental and emotional states. Thankfully, the people who truly cared for me prayed for me knowing that my life depended on it.

    I am certainly not out of the woods, there is the constant fear of relapse, I may have taken the decision to change but the world that I operate in is very much the same. But I am committed to this process of change, knowing my problems and knowing that I don't hold the solutions to them, and knowing that only God can change me will be my key to victory.

    Please pray for me and the brothers and sisters who are ensnared in this ugly beast of a disorder. Only God affords change and resolution to a narcissistic individual

    • May God continue to strengthen you against the demons who want to destroy you and your family. I pray oh Lord for this brother that your spirit will continue to give in Strength and your Peace. In Jesus name Amen

  19. I did't have a name for this condition until i read this article. Our marriage of almost 4 years is wrecked because of this behaviour. At first i did'nt see this, my husband is a pastor, he loves Jesus, but only at church, early in our marriage i was confused, because at home, he watches telivision, he doesn't read Bible or lead us spiritually. He moved out of our marriage bed 10 months ago and sleeps in his tv room. Everything he does is only for himself, i confronted him, and he suggested that it was rejection from my past, and i saw about 5 different counselors, but nothing changed. He has so many times grabbed me and tried to get the devil out of me. I didn' like Jesus any more, i know now, with God's grace and love, that Jesus was misrepresented! I also know that there will come a day, with no more tears or pain, it's a promise. I am fasting for 21 days for the salvation of my husband. " Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil.1:6. God uses this situation to conform me in to the image of Christ - selfless love.

    • Dear Lize, may the Lord bless you abundantly with the certainty of His presence and your value in His eyes. May He hear your prayers and answer you in a way you can understand - whether or not He changes your husband.

      Jesus does not force anyone against his will, and that means He will not force your husband to change, but He will speak to Him through His Holy Spirit. When the Spirit speaks to a person there are generally one of two results:
      1) The person may respond to the Spirit and humble himself and change.
      2) The person may reject the Spirit and become visibly more rebellious.

      If the latter should happen in your case, please recognize it as a result of the Spirit's working, and don't give up. Keep praying, realizing that it is better for your husband's problem to become so visible that he will be forced to recognize it himself than for him to live a double life. This will not make it easy for you, but Jesus did not promise us an easy road. Remember that the Prophet Elijah prayed that there would be no rain in Israel so that the people would recognize the folly of trusting in the rain god Baal. Bad things happened in answer to Elijah's prayer. People died. But it was God who answered in His wisdom, and, in the end, it resulted in national repentance.

      So be of good courage and trust in God, knowing that he loves both you and your husband infinitely more than we can imagine. He deals with us according to our needs, and sometimes that doesn't feel good.

      May the Lord's Hand be upon you.

  20. I did't have a name for this condition until i read this article. Our marriage of almost 4 years is wrecked because of this behaviour. At first i did'nt see this, my husband is a pastor, he loves Jesus, but only at church, early in our marriage i was confused, because at home, he watches telivision, he doesn't read Bible or lead us spiritually. He moved out of our marriage bed 10 months ago and sleeps in his tv room. Everything he does is only for himself, i confronted him, and he suggested that it was rejection from my past, and i saw about 5 different councelors, but nothing changed. He has so many times grabbed me and tried to get the devil out of me. I didn' like Jesus anymore, i know now with God's grace and love that Jesus was misrepresented! I also know that there will come a day, with no more tears or pain, it's a promise. I am fasting for 21 days for the salvation of my husband. " Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil.1:6. God uses this situation to conform me in to the image of Christ - selfless love, it is not easy to love unconditionally, but it is possible!

  21. I was so glad to stumble on your blog while going through a wild state of mind.My wife of 8 yrs and 2 daughters and one son, 7, 5 and 3 has changed a
    lot lately.

    She has lost emotional attachment to me and shows me openly she does
    not desire me.I discovered about a month ago that she was (is) having affairs with several men when I intercepted her phone messages. 2 of them had evidence of physical sexual involvement. I cant tell if she has
    stopped though that is what she wants me to believe has happened.

    From the exchanges between her and the lovers, you can tell she craves
    for admiration from men. While I was just suspecting she was behaving
    weird...partying up to late hours and any complaint from me was
    described as being insecure.

    She assured me she can never stop going outings since she just goes
    out with married women and no man involved. Well, I discovered the contrary and my world has turned upside down.

    She seems disturbed, has stopped the outings but still very cold
    towards me, just started calling me lately since I work far from where
    my family is.

    At the time I discovered she cried and asked for a second chance that
    she would change.

    She is keeping home after work and not going out as she was doing
    before my discovery but not treating me with empathy. Not talking to
    me to ease my pain and any attempt to talk about what happened just
    makes her cease!!

    I am an Adventist, I want to uphold a christian approach.

    I read a lot of articles by secular authors and they seem to point at
    narcissism as what my wife is suffering from by all descriptions I
    have gotten but they give no solution rather than urging foe
    separation/divorce with narcissistic people.

    I want to restore the marriage and we live in a Godly way.
    Can my wife change.What should be my approach now?

    • Broken, I am very sad to hear this. With God restoration is always possible. At the same time, we do need to remove ourselves from repeated abusive situations. Can you get counseling with your wife? We will be in prayer.

  22. Love the threads and trend! As some of prior writings, I am struggling with my wife's classic narcissistic behavior. Knowing this fact, I believe that God is in the business of changing hearts!!!!! I am asking for prayer for all who knowingly or unknowingly suffer from this disorder and also, for close loved ones who are walking along with them.

  23. Thank you for writing this. I came across this post after coming to the same conclusion as other commenters--the evil of narcissism is impossible to defeat without God's help. I know that now after destroying my marriage by my own narcissism. My husband of 4 years has finally shut me out because of my lies, deceit, fakeness and manipulation. I have finally begun to open my eyes and stop deluding myself--I am sick. I desperately want and need to change and win my husband back through honesty and love, not just trick him into liking me again by my old manipulative ways.

    Now I know I have never loved God first above all else, so naturally my love for all things is disordered. I loathe/love myself and have little empathy for others. I am very selfish. The first thing I need to realize is a true love for God, who is Love, so that with His grace I can learn true charity. I have been praying desperately for help with this, opening my heart to Him so He might sow the seeds in me.

    I know I am responsible for changing myself, and I'm determined to do it. If anyone sees this, please, if you can spare a moment, offer up a prayer for me and for all who are fighting this evil. And pray for the narcissists' families and victims who have been emotionally destroyed over the years, like my husband. With God's grace we can reconcile in truth and love soon.

    • Jeannie,

      I just left my husband of 5 years and moved to another state. We have a 2 month old daughter and it truly hurt me deeply to do this but I believed that I didn't have any other options. Five years of lies, deceit and infidelity changed me completely. I was in such a state of despair but reading your post gives me encouragement that through God all things are possible. I sincerely hope you and your husband reconcile in truth and love. Please don't give up and I will pray for you and your husband as I continue to pray for my husband to know the love of God and for us to be reconciled.

      • Tonya, thank you. I have not given up and will not give up. It's been a rude awakening for me and a difficult battle for us, but we are working to heal our marriage. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers as well. God bless.

    • Thank you for being brave enough to share your struggles. I pray that our Lord will invade your life in a mighty way and inhabit your life forever. May His Holy spirit give you strength to stand in His strength.

  24. Though we probably all have some tendencies for Narcissism, as a victim of incest and sexual abuse, mine is manifested as ADD and codependency. Through a program called Celebrate Recovery, i have been given the Christ centered tools to know better how to deal with my own emotions and a Narcisstic son.Over 10,000 churches in the US and in many other countries offer this healing program to millions of people. It is for every hurt, habit and hang-up. It gets to the rotten roots of our sin, not just surface manifestations like alcohol, drugs, sex addictions, over weight, depression, etc. but the causes. A favorite CR saying is, "God never waste a hurt." As we heal, we become accountability partners, sponsors, mentors for others on their Spiritual journey. James 5:16.For information,Google Celebrate Recovery for a location near you, or you may want to get your church to look into it.
    II Corinthians 10:5 is my life verse. God bless you with love.

  25. Our grandson is 11. He said he doesn't want to live with us anymore because of the cursing and outburst from his grandfather towards his mom and me. It can be for any reason, as small as the table cloth being crooked. The outburst can last for hours, even when no one else says a thing. However, after our grandson told his grandfather that he wants to move, my husband has shut himself up in his room and is crying loudly. This is scary to us. He is disabled and jokely has said that he would shoot all of us and himself. Then tell God he gave it his best shot. Over the years I have been in counseling for depression and anxiety. God has delivered me. I think my husband was abused emotionally as a child. My feelings are all over the place right now. We just purchased a new house so it would be large enough for everyone. Now he is saying he will go back to the old house and live on the first floor by himself. We didn't say anything and I think that really affected him. We have prayed for him for years. He has said that he probably would be dead if his wife and daughter hadn't prayed for him. I am not perfect. I have fussed back at him, but that only seems to make him more angry. I have learned that responding only adds fuel to the fire. I'm sad about the situation. My pastor said we can't change another person. I pray that our family be healed. However, God is with each of us.

  26. Donnetta, your first responsibility is to provide safety for your grandson and you. If you think your husband's threat is serious, you need to get to safety. Your pastor may not be able to change anyone, but he can help provide a shelter.

  27. Donetta, my heart hurts for you and your grandson. I can see this is taking a heavy toll on your family. Your husband does not sound mentally stable. His behavior has affected you deeply and now that of your innocent eleven year old grandson who is pleading for relief. I am encouraging you that it is past time for you to set some stern boundaries. Either your husband agrees to seek help and treatment with accountability or you agree that he should go live by himself. I strongly encourage you to get some help as well, to know how to set the necessary boundaries. If you are afraid of telling him these things ask the pastor or a trusted friend (preferably male) to be with you while you do it. Life is short and this is no way to live it for any of you, particularly for your grandson who is caught in the middle and deserves a peaceful home. It's scary to set this kind of boundary. I know because I've had to set my own. But the peace gained by doing so cannot be measured. Remember that we are to live in peace "as far as possible." God cares about your marriage but not more than he cares about your heart. And who knows, the boundary may cause your nusband to turn around and seek help. Lastly I encourage you to buy and read the books by Leslie Vernick on Emotionally Destructive Relationships. Big hug to you my friend.

    • And I also want to encourage you to immediately seek shelter from your husband. Threats to hurt you and your precious grandson and his Mom should be taken seriously. Do NOT delay in taking action to do so. A restraining order sounds like it's in order along with the tough boundaries I've mentioned.

  28. im married to someone with definate narcisstic traights..(it has caused havoc) it affects your health..and you never know when the next rage will any thing can cause it..and(most always) nothing you did wrong..and they have impossible expectations. he absolutely had emotional abuse starting in early sure did not have needs met..(rt emotionally abusive aclholic father) and vain selfish mother.
    i already have health it makes the situation even worse.
    i am going to move away (leaving in two weeks) to work on health et..
    it is alwasy a dilema bc these people are not trying to be "bad" they also have good quatlities..(as well as he manages a business) and hard working. but def emotional issues..and treats our you would a beloved child bc needs matter how kind or normal i am..or if i were perfect it would make no difference bc they simply do not have the capacity to relate up close in healthy ways. i was totally oblivious to the fact of how detremental childhood abuse is to persons and their future spouses and/relatinships ..except i knew people who have had sexual abuse have life long isseus..however emotional abuse..and criticisms in early childhood def causes serious emotional issues. i have found the less upset i get and the least angry i become helps me and him..and i approach it more in that i love you and care about you but you are very unhealthy for me and i cant do this anymore..and i dont know if il ever be able to live with you.
    i have no more answers..and (if you want to go back to counseling and stay in it) and also i feel get a real and deep relatinship with God as he and a miracle is the only thing that can help you.
    it has been a horrible situation..the cursing and rage and someone who appeared as the kindess, sweetest..most polite and polished individual until you marry and the behavior starts immediately. i have to believe that God can help anyone..however these types..seldom want help..are often shallow spiritually..and lack emotional depth..yet mature and capable in other is very sad..however they are detrimental to their spouses and if dont is impossible to be healthy. even if they do it wont be easy. nevertheless they are humans and they do want connection..just so volatile when in that im not sure what im doing except i am moving away for now (re need to for health reasons) to a different state..where different also will be a good time to evaluate if i should stay on own) and also will work on trying to be able to work and be independant..its vv hard..i feel for anyone in theses situations..please pray for me..

    • I will pray for you and I am in a similar situation. And need some supernatural intervention in Jesus Holy name The Bible declares deliverance of demonic spirits and anything that is not of God by His Stripes. I didn't know my husband was like this and I have been widowed before we have 8 kids all together. He left us and I have no support or medical I know to hold him accountable and I am trusting for restoration and healing in Jesus name.
      I am asking that No Weapons Formed Against me shall prosper and that Gods Word does not turn back void and that God has Divine Intervention. I trust this and believe this because it is Gods will that no man shall perish and He allows for divorce but does not command us to, me personally I have biblical grounds for one, but I am convicted to give God room to work and hold him accountable out of love. And pray prayerful prayers LOL. Faith we walk by Faith, and not by sight, for we walk for things hoped for that have not been seen as if they already exist in Jesus name. Bless you and us all in this journey!!!

  29. Hi all. I have stumbled upon this post because I have recently had some issues in my marriage in which my wife has told me I am a Narcissist. Other times I did not believe her but after reading the signs and the actions I believe she is right that I am a narcissist. Reading some of the posts I have come to believe that my wife must be feeling the same way as some of you who are in the relationship with a narcissist. I love her but I have not always been able to feel for her. I am broken up by the pain I have caused her and definitely would like some help in dealing with my behavior. I am a Christian but I have fallen from Christ in recent years and I pray that by admitting my faults that I can start to begin a process of understanding and overcoming my narcissism through God's word. Please pray for my wife that she has the strength to deal with me through this process and our family as a whole. Thank you for the inspiring words that I've read through these posts. [Pseudonym used for privacy reasons.]

    • Dear Repentant, We thank the Lord that this post was able to help you recognize your sin problem. You are now where the Lord can give you a new "heart of flesh." Just confess your self-centeredness to the Lord and admit that you don't have the power to change. Ask Him to take your heart and change it, because you cannot give it. Recognize that your marriage is not all about you, and ask the Lord to show you how to love your wife. It might help you to know that feeling listened to feels very much like being loved. So you can start by telling your wife just what you posted here and apologize for not listening before. Ask her to help you recognize when you are acting in a narcissistic manner, and then *listen* to her. It may be that the Lord allowed you to come to this place in life in order to save you.

      I highly recommend a reading or re-reading of the book, Steps to Christ, which contains this gem:

      "Consecrate yourself to God in the morning; make this your very first work. Let your prayer be, “Take me, O Lord, as wholly Thine. I lay all my plans at Thy feet. Use me today in Thy service. Abide with me, and let all my work be wrought in Thee.” This is a daily matter. Each morning consecrate yourself to God for that day. Surrender all your plans to Him, to be carried out or given up as His providence shall indicate. Thus day by day you may be giving your life into the hands of God, and thus your life will be molded more and more after the life of Christ." Steps to Christ, p. 70.

      You can read the whole book online if you follow the link above, or you can get your own paper or electronic copy at Amazon. (I treasure my leather-bound, marked-up copy, but I can't find anything similar to point you to.)

    • I seriously doubt you are a true narcissist,if you wrote this and are that repentant. A true narcissist has extreme trouble breaking through their denial and defenses. That does not mean you might not have some narcissistic traits or selfish attitudes, learned in hour childhood, by behaviors patterned to you, or own you own. Nevertheless if you are feeling sorry for you wife,and if you admit you've fallen from Christ, you probably have a lot to work with. Getting counseling is the first step, and being able to repent and grow and change.

    • Dear Repentant, Sometimes understanding how psychology intersects with the bible is the first step to change. You see, we are all born with original sin, we are all born with narcissistic tendencies. Original sin can be summed up as selfishness, and the opposite therefore selflessness. God gave us two commandments which were the most important, Love God and the Love others. The word used is Greek "Agape" which was generically translated into English as "love" but the true Greek definition is, empathy, compassion and selflessness. The exact opposite of narcissism. You see, if you can understand the correlation, and then realize your focus is not to focus on how to not be a narcissist, but rather, how to to be selfless. Lose yourself, empty yourself of self, and allow God, (God is love) to fill you. Lose the self in everything you do. Practice practice practice being selfless and you will get there 😉


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